Tuesday, December 15, 2009
X Factor Goes Political!
Venue: LWT Studios on the South Bank
Date: April 23 2010
Programme: X Factor Goes Political
The three party leaders have completed their first TV debate, in which Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh, Cheryl Cole and Danni Minogue ask the questions and deliver their judgements.
Cheryl: Gordon, mate, why-aye, you really smashed it.
David Cameron: What, the economy?
Cheryl: Shut up posh boy, no, that answer on the NHS. Gordon, it's your best performance so far. You've shown you've got the X Factor.
Simon: Well that's all very well Cheryl but he fluffed his lines on education and looked shifty on Afghanistan - it was all a bit karaoke. Gordon, you were totally unprepared, you mumbled, and, well your facial movements were just weird. If you perform like that in the final, Dave is going to trounce you.
Louis: Simon, forget Dave, forget Gordon, Nick is the man. He's cute, he's handsome, the girls are gonna love him
Danni (in a stage whisper): And the boys, eh, Louis?
Louis: Nick, forget the polls, forget the beards, forget the scandals, forget Danni, you've truly got the X Factor!
Danni: Louis, Louis, Louis. Ever the one for a pretty face. Are you going to sign him up for LibZone? If you want the real deal look at the performance from Dave. Wowser! Wowser! Wowser! Dave, that was C2-tastic. You pressed those buttons like you'd been doing it for years. You nailed that answer on the environment. You can change my climate any time!
Dermot (for it is he): Well, guys, only a few days to go to the final. How do you feel?
Nick: I'd just like to say that if it weren't for our ridiculous electoral system ...
Dermot: Sorry Nick, but that's all we've got time for. Dave, happy?
Dave: Dermot, if we were in different circumstances I'd be wanting to share the proceeds of growth with you.. I can't say fairer than that.
Dermot: Yes indeed. And finally, Gordon, what have you got to say to the voters?
Gordon: I'm getting on with the job, it started in Amerca, it's the right thing to do, he went to Eton, you know.
Dermot: Ladies & Gentlemen, the lines are now open.
And no one called in...