A couple of days ago I told you I was travelling to Grassington in North Yorkshire tomorrow with Ann Widdecombe to do onme of our theatre shows - it's a sellout apprently. I said I would be in the car with her for ten hours - I was wrong. I'm told it is four hours each way. You've sent me some questions to ask her in the Podcast I'll be recording during the journey, but what should we do for the other seven hours 45 minutes? If I fall asleep, I'll snore. As I'm not driving she can't berate me for driving with my knees (which did actually happen once, believe it or not - albeit for a nanosecond). Should we admire the scenery of the M1? Count motorway bridges? Develop a new policy on abortion for DC to consider? What do you think? All suggestions will be read out to Ann during the course of the journey. Well, when I say 'all', I probably mean 'some'. Ok then, I mean 'very few'. Or possibly even 'none'. Go to it.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Eight Hours on the M1 With Ann Widdecombe
A couple of days ago I told you I was travelling to Grassington in North Yorkshire tomorrow with Ann Widdecombe to do onme of our theatre shows - it's a sellout apprently. I said I would be in the car with her for ten hours - I was wrong. I'm told it is four hours each way. You've sent me some questions to ask her in the Podcast I'll be recording during the journey, but what should we do for the other seven hours 45 minutes? If I fall asleep, I'll snore. As I'm not driving she can't berate me for driving with my knees (which did actually happen once, believe it or not - albeit for a nanosecond). Should we admire the scenery of the M1? Count motorway bridges? Develop a new policy on abortion for DC to consider? What do you think? All suggestions will be read out to Ann during the course of the journey. Well, when I say 'all', I probably mean 'some'. Ok then, I mean 'very few'. Or possibly even 'none'. Go to it.
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20 comments:
Ask her when she's going to unleash the Widdi-blog on the world?
Will she have any say in who might succeed her in Maidstone? Is there any possibility that it might be a politically incorrect, white male, with Christian convictions, who might be outspoken on matters of morality and faith?
Or am in fantasy land?
Cranmer, are you saying I should put my name forward?! I'd be delighted to have your blessing!
Anonymous beat me to it. You should exchange tips on how to run a popular blog.
Widdy Web is an under rated work of genius. Help her spread the word about it. While we're on the subject, don't you have any pets you can tell us about Iain?
The family play ‘Pub Cricket’ while driving through the verdant lanes of Wiltshire, each pub name with legs in the title scores (Fox & Hound = 4+4 runs, Pembroke Arms =0 etc) all occupants taking a clockwise turn. Shame the kids all turned out as alcoholics but a small price to pay for an entertaining trip.
You could incorporate ‘The little Chef’ (worth 2 pts) into the game for an added frisson….and if things get really bad, show her the trouser elephant trick!
What's the matter with you Dale, she can talk football surely?
Ann very famously got berated for one of her speeches at Conservative Party conference when she took a hard line against the sale and use of illigal drugs- including cannabis.
In contrast David Cameron seems very relaxed about the subsequent downgrading of the classification of this drug, while the UN have issued a very hardline report today. I wonder what her views are now?
Tell her you promise tnot to snore... if she promises not to fart. Always a good conversation piece I find, and something you might be glad of.
Mr Dale,
I should be delighted to give you my blessing. Please direct me to your outspoken comments on matters of morality and faith.
But I rather suspect you would accord more with the discursive compromising of the Archbishop of Canterbury than with Ms Widdecombe's Popish leanings...
Old Sarum's Pub Cricket Game sounds entertaining, but the Pembroke Arms (i.e.coat of arms of the Earl of Pembroke) has three lions rampant. Which makes 12 legs or points, not zero. If Iain's going to play this game with Widders for 8 hours, we need to give them the complete rules.
Iain, ask Ann OTR her opinion of how Cherie Blair can reconcile her new-age superstitions with the Catholic faith. (Answer: they're totally irreconcilable.)
You could also play the two-handed version of Mornington Crescent with the London Underground 'Weekend' Variant:-
"Wherever you want to go, forget it: five lines are partly or entirely closed for long-scheduled engineering works we forgot to mention until this morning. And the escalators are with mysterious suddenness Awaiting Repair On Goldentime - so just walk down the stairs, you tourist and non-commuter riff-raff!"
Or the Notting Hill Young Conservative Car Game "Are We Nearly There Yet?"
...or you could show Ann the "Ostfriesische Porno" (East Friesian Porno). For this, as you may know, you need a large, shiny tablespoon, a pinch of loose tobacco, and someone who's never seen it before, and who's preferably a bit drunk to appreciate its sheer silliness.
But she probably knows it already...
don't ask her what she thinks of DC.Remember what she did to Howard.For what it's worth,I don't think he ever recovered.Does she regret it?
I have always had a sneaky fondness for Widders, although I can generally tell when I am going to disagree with her by checking whether she is moving her lips. (Her decree that women prisoners in the final stages of labour should be handcuffed to their hospital beds in case they tried to run away was particularly hilarious in its naivety, though presumably not for the ladies concerned).
What I like is that she is so patently sincere-, so you could spend a minute of the eight hours telling her to go on being her- Lord knows, we need a few people like that in the House of Commons.
Ask Ann for her views on Savanarola. A force for good or not.
On a personal note, ask her if she has tried any anti blinking remedies. This unfortunate habit is disconcerting and detracts from what she says when on TV. Charles Colvin, cricket tv broadcaster, had a bad case of blinking but in last year or so seems to have had this condition cured. Hope this is not offensive.
wmbyrd... I suspect at the very mention of the word porno Iain will be turfed out of the car.
If she's quitting Westminster, would she consider standing as London Mayoral candidate? And if not, who does she suggest?
How would she encourage more women to follow her into parliament without resorting to All Women Shortlists?
Michael Howard has just suggested a "tree tax" for flights. Keeping on the environment theme, will you be offsetting the co2 emissions of your car journey?
And why did you not use public transport for this journey? And by not doing so are you condemning the UK public transport network as useless?
Some friends of mine had Widders around for dinner and they cooked lamb cutlets. After the dinner she wrote to tell them why she hadnt eat the lamb cutlets. She said that if they'd heard the baby lambs crying for their mothers they wouldnt have eaten them either.
I think Widders is great - mad as a bag of cats.
I'd like to ask her how I can become as scary as she is?
Doom.
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