Friday, November 27, 2009

Programmes You'll Never See on the BBC

From now on, BBC1 is to be rebranded DAVE. And here's the programme schedule for Day One*...

6am The Big Breakfast with Eric Pickles
10.00am Bargain Jeremy Hunt
10.30am This Morning with Ann & Nick Winterton
11.30am Grumpy Old Tories with Sir Peter & Sir Patrick
12.00noon The Saint and Dominic Grievesey
1.00pm Fox News with Liam and Jesme
1.30pm Keith & Mrs Simpson
2.00pm The Darling Buds of Theresa May
2.30pm Just William Hague
3.00pm The Graham Brady Bunch
3.30pm Biker Gove with PJ & Alan Duncan
4.00pm Skippy the George W Bush Kangaroo
4.15pm Blue Peter with Richard Bacon
4.30pm Bill Cash in the Attic
5.00pm The Weakest Spink
5.30pm The ToryTubbies with Nicholas Soames
6.00pm Judge John Reid
6.30pm How do you solve a problem like Maria Miller?
7.00pm IainDale Farm
9.00pm Liddington Britain
9.30pm I’m a Conservative, Get me out of Here
10.00pm The Ten O'Clock News with Nadine Dorries
10.30pm Bluesnight, presented by Paul Goodman
11.20 The George Osbornes
10.30pm Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Isaby
11.00pm Blue Dwarf
11.30pm Michael Howard’s Way
12.00 Conservative Love Island hosted by Ann Widdecombe & John Hayes
1.00am John Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased)
1.30am Candid Cameron

If you can think of any more to include in the schedules, leave them in the comments!

* based on a blogpost published on this blog in August 2006.


Duncan Stott said...

Bargain Jeremy Hunt

Christian May said...

"Chums." Geddit?

Or "Knowing Me, Knowing You. With Alan Duncan"

Jimmy said...

Brideshead Revisited Revisited

Anonymous said...

Can I draw attention to the advert you are running protesting about Browns British Waterways sell of. The link I think is to a No10 petition you can sign to protest - I commend it.

JPT said...

And a good job too!

Anonymous said...

Ha! It reads like an old 18 Doughty Street call sheet ;-)

Paul Burgin said...

What a nightmare of a schedule! ;-)

Wrinkled Weasel said...

"programmes you'll never see on the BBC"

Any positive programmes about Christians.

Any negative programmes about gays.

Any positive programmes about Israel.

Any negative programmes about Islam.

Any negative programmes about Anthropogenic Climate change.

Anything remotely positive about Dan Hannan.

Anything with old people in it.

Anything negative about Africa or black people, particularly, black politicians or Asian politicians.

The list, depressingly is endless.

The BBC is guilty of the sin of omission. It's what they do.

Unknown said...

Biker GOVE with PJ & Alan Duncan

Unknown said...

Saint and Dominic Grievesie

Nigel said...

Well, you asked for it:

Blue Peter

The Generation Game, with Nick Hurd and Bernard Jenkin.

Boles' House Party

Five Live TV special with (the other) Richard Bacon

Film: Oliver! ("Please sir, can I have some Maude?")

Pebble Millbank at One


The George Young Ones

Saved By the Bellingham

To the Manor Osborne

Grayling's Anatomy

Murder She Wrote, starring Andrew-a Lansley-bury

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Trevorsden, the Waterways issue is dear to me, having lived on a narrowboat for two years a while back.

The Waterways are an incredible part of our national heritage, our identity, our greatness as a nation. They are more alive now than they were 30 years ago. They are, in fact brimming, full to the brim, with the cogent proof of British engineering.

So, Brown, in his philistine wisdom, is going to dump it, and has been quietly doing so for some years. At least the Muslims won't lose out, cos apparently, their funding is sacrosanct.

Bardirect said...

You do realise that there is already a channel called "Dave" which I think is part owned by the BBC.

ukipwebmaster said...

UKIP Leadership results now in:

JMB said...

No comment about Bob Crow being on Have I Got News For You tonight?

There is a description of the recording of the programme here

................................. said...

Oh dear, Iain... that was painful. Any chance we could go back to photos of your hideous ties instead? :)

JudyK said...

The Archers: an everyday story of perjuring folk

Going for a Fortune: the MPs' expenses show

Cash in your Upper House

The Afternoon Serial Adulterer (this program is not suitable for members of Norfolk Conservative Associations)

In Our Pocket: Great Lobbyists Recall Past Glories

Antique Rogues Show hosted by senior members of the House of Lords

All Star Family Fortunes hosted by the Watsons and the Robinsons

Can't cook books, won't cook books hosted by Philip Hollibone

Have I Got Claims for You starring Sir Peter Viggers, Jacqui Smith, Douglas Hogg and Antony Steen. Chaired by Alan Duncan

Peter Mandelson's F Word in which the celebrity minister cooks up some novel goodies with some friends from Corfu

Desperate Dan said...

BBC2. 10.30pm - Bluesnight.

Radio 4. 6am-9am - The Hooray Programme

Jimmy said...

Bearwood (Spinoff from Dr. Where)

Richard Holloway said...

Can't we play Mornington Crescent instead?

mtrcricket said...

Lord Mandleson on Radio 4 Thought for Today.

Davein said...

Candid Cameron

Davein said...

Brown: A Weak in Politics.
Come, NaDine With Me.

neil craig said...

More seriously the programme i do not expect to see is The Classic Debate & in particular the episode debating Global warming.

Such debating is, as those MPs who were active as students know, a very successful & entertaining way of reaching political conclusions. However it involves the common people in knowing what is going on & weakens the likes of Paxman (or rather Paxman's puppet masters since he is personally sceptical of the warming hype he spouts) as controllers of information.

I have no doubt such a programme would be popular & the consistent refusal of broadcasters proves how corrupt they are.

psychotrader said...

should have been bluesnight presented by Hariet Harman's husband

Martin S said...

Brown Your way. Where did it all go wrong?

Anonymous said...

I recall that Daniel Hannan was and likely still is very upset not to have got onto Late Night Lineup, and Douglas Carswell bitterly resents that Beeb's failure to promote their book . . .

Tom Harris was shooed off QT . . .

I've been on Crackerjack myself and Eurovison ignoring Pink Floyd, they aren't missing much.