Monday, September 28, 2009

Fisking Yvette

A reader has sent me this fisk of Yvette Cooper's speech this morning...

Just listened to the hideous Yvette Cooper at the Neo-Labour conference. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her she's so chillingly slimy. My God she was in nausea over-drive, even for her. I’ve never voted for any of the main three parties, and probably never will, but the faux melodrama of the depression of the thirties and of the last recession under the Tories, I fully expected her to have tears running down her cheeks. Typical Neo-Labour quasi-religious rantings that bear no resemblance to the truth:

"...and we learnt too, of the importance of the strong leadership, of our chancellor, and our prime minister, and we thank them, and pay tribute to them now: Alistair Darling, and Gordon Brown!...Conference we know that unemployment is never a price worth paying."
Except for the three million officially unemployed…obviously. Apparently there's more help than ever before "...including Job-Centre Plus..." who's entire help to me over seven months was repeatedly, "Do you need any help searching our database?" They were so much help I’ve set-up my own company and am struggling along on my own.

Maybe that’s just sour grapes though. Neo-Labour has helped other people:

" Anthony who I talked to in Castleford, who got a job after fourteen months on the dole. He told me it's transformed his life. He's now got a place of his own, he's done management training, and his first ever holiday abroad."

So all you need under Neo-Labour is training and you can call yourself a manager: Tea and coffee management degrees; stationary management degrees; table, chair and crockery management degrees. Then there was this priceless and magical figure manipulation:

"Conference, look at the facts. For every 100,000 people we get off unemployment, we save, £700,000,000."
What?! Over how long?! That's £7000 per person. On the paltry £62.50 per week I had to beg for, that's 112 weeks, or 28 months, or 2.25 years unemployed! My money got stopped after 7 months and I've paid in for the last twelve years since I started working.

"...David Cameron doesn't believe in active government to help the unemployed, because David Cameron doesn’t believe in active government. Their campaigns for broken Britain, for an age of austerity, are all designed to break people's faith in a brighter future. They want us to despair of the purpose of politics, or the role of government. A council of despair that would have run Britain into the ground if we had followed it last year."
Err...surely that's what's happened under Neo-Labour? Thankfully she finished and received a glum looking standing ovation then the silly woman chairing conference said, "Wow! That was inspiring!"

I think I may need a bigger bucket to get through this week.


sunonmars said...

This Labour conference is like Towering inferno, its got the all star cast with dreadful acting, you know its gearing up for the all out disaster crescendo from the main actor but all you can do is laugh because the guy thinks he's doing brilliant on screen but its just one huge train wreck of a film with everyone laughing at them.

Newmania said...

Thank god she and that utter git Balls are too busy home flipping to breed .
I should imagine that such a child would render the rise of the anti-christ superfluous

Penfold said...

Just the minor elimination of the key fact, that NuLab and StalinLite Lab have been in government for the past 12 years.
Its the usual drivel and tosh with a large splash of gross mendacity, from the usual suspects.
Typical of these lefties to blame everybody else and absolve themselves, harping on about inheriting the problems from the previous incumbent(s). So there we have it, it was all down to St Tone of B-Liar.

More fisking of the bare faced lies and deception that these swine perpetrate.

Jimmy said...

"My money got stopped after 7 months and I've paid in for the last twelve years since I started working."

Obviously something happened twelve years ago to improve the employment outlook. If only I could remember what. I think there's a lesson for us all there.

Also one would assume the cost of unemployment would factor in lost tax revenue wouldn't you?

Unsworth said...

@ Newmania

Apparently Mr Yvette Cooper has fathered three offspring.

They were children, I understand.

Anonymous said...

What a ***wit she is. The Nulab fascists had better make sure they have armed guards if they ever go near those on the receiving end of Jobcentre Plus 'help'. A bunch of brainless morons talking utter drivel and busily converting the unemployed into slave labour.

Camera-on is, of course, just itching to inherit the NuLab wheeze to punish the victims of 30 years of misrule.

The days of the working class supporting Labour are over. The remnants of that party are destroyed for ever at the next election. Call-me-Dave can then have a turn doing his worst against the proles. Then the tories go too. Regime change is coming and that doesn't mean just another liblabcon election in a few months.

Anonymous said...

@ Newmania
Too late. They have got at least 3 children.

Billy Blofeld said...

Excellent article.

The writer somehow captures the range of emotions that you feel when listening to any Labour Minister.

Generally my anger, disbelief and desire to wretch is higher during an interview - since a well paid journalist allows ministers to broadcast the bilge unchallenged.

Weygand said...

No TV, radio or press report seems to be taking the Conference seriously - not even Austin Mitchell in today's Times.

Nobody thinks it worth commenting on the message the speakers are trying to deliver; partly because the words they utter are so vacuous but largely because it appears so irrelevant.

I am finding it the whole experience rather surreal - and if this is a dream please don't wake me because I'm loving every minute.

moorlandhunter said...

As I posted earlier regarding her husband Mr Balls who yesterday debated topics with you Mr Dale, I cannot imagine anyone wishing to be in the same room, let alone taking part in a civil and gentile political debate with Mrs Ball without punching her in the eye! ;-)

Quietzapple said...

We don't hear so much about Osborne's penchant for Flat rate Income tax these days, do we? and he seems to have missed this years Bilderburg Conference?

As Mandelson pointed out the election will not be today or tomorrow and it is the Tory opposition, whose trolls have built them up as the bandwagon to dislike, which people will be voting against in a few months time.

Labour will continue to build good policy - it is a good habit - but it will be the way in which the Tory pseudo policy stances, and the history of the Bullingdons which Labour will pillory, and which will catch hold of many waverers.

The Bullingdon trio are Ashcroft's achilles heels.

Disaster Boris Johnson has given his name recently to the verb "to Boris." There's more. . . . .

Quietzapple said...

So many of your posters on the cusp, Iain.

I fear you may like Bracknell, btw, but Norfolk is more nearly your metier imho.

Quietzapple said...

Poor, p poor Moorland Hunter, shooting his springers again I suppose . . .

To many stollies before breakfast.

Demetrius said...

If you knew Castleford, this would be hilarious. She must have been drinking the local river water, possibly the most polluted in Europe.

Anonymous said...

"Fisking Yvette" - Thats the least she should worry about.

Anonymous said...

For what it's worth (and I hold no brief for the tosspots in NuLab) I do believe that the actual cost to the country for an unemployed person is around £8K a year - when you factor in loss of tax revenue etc and the cost of 'servicing' that unemployed person.

Otherwise, it's nice to know that I am not alone in my absolute detestation of Mrs Balls - although, her husband edges her into second place as far as I'm concerned.

Sean said...

She is literally the kind of person who gives politics a bad name.

Willsteed said...

I have been thinking carefully, but am unable to suggest any politician who comes across as more arrogant and charmless than Yvette Cooper.

Inevitably when on TV, and being pained to listen to an opponents opinion, she tilts her head over to the side and raises her eye-brows as if bored to the point of near death.

She is so completely odious I wouldn't let her be my housekeeper. Legal or otherwise.

The Purpleline said...

Iain, I think I am dyslexic; I read your title here as ‘Fisting Yvette’ I thought old Balls up had given you some inside knowledge yesterday.

I would like to give Yvette one, right across her chops!!!

Paddy Briggs said...

The contributor has no credibility because of the petty use of personal abuse. Personal insults like "Hideous" and "Slimy" and the rest of his mud-slinging are unworthy and puerile...

Nick (in the naughty corner) said...


Yvette may be incredibly aggravating but have you forgotten the incomparably dreadful Hazel Blears?

Newmania said...

Three !!!!

I have searched Nostradamus and while there is a precise prefiguring of the new Sugar Babes Line up ,the coming of the anti-christ is not due .
I suggest Balls and Cooper are without child whatever “appearances” may suggest .....

Anonymous said...

No matter whenever Cooper opens her mouth she is 'Her Masters Voice'. She will relay any lie, distortion, twisted corruption. She is a real piece of filth.


Willsteed said...

Nick (at Naughty Coner),]

Yes, I know many of them are irritating.

I'm an expat in Asia, and so rely on feeds like this one to know what is going on. Some semblance of reality and honesty...

I well remember the arrogance of Hazel 'the squirrel' Blears...


Hopalong said...

At least the bucket will help with the diet....

Cynic said...

Vacuous introverted and disconnected. Mind you, She'd have to be to live with Ed.

Can you imagine the pillow talk.

Yvette "Isn't Gordon a wonderful PM"

Ed "Yes darling, truly inspiring. I have been working with him on our election master plan. We have some great ideas"

Yvette "That's nice dear"

Ed "Yes we have this fantastic idea. A real vote winner. We are going to microchip every dog in the UK and keep all their details on a giant master database run by the Home Office in London. It will be compulsory and every dog owner will have to pay so it will all be cost free.

Then if your dog is lost in say London and turns up in Cumbria we will be able to identify who it belongs to and fine you for letting it run around the country in breach of your responsibilities under the Code of practice for Animal Welfare. The Police will also have all these new powers to stop and search you and scan Fido to make sure he is who he says he is. It's so simple. Foolproof even. "

Yvette "That's wonderful darling. And did cabinet approve?"

Ed " Oh yes . They were all very enthusiastic. Alan said that the Home Office were right behind me and he was only sad that noone there had ever throught of anything like this before.

Jack was so keen that he couldnt stop laughting. It was great to see the smile that this wonderful scheme brought to his face.

The only problem was Alistair. He just muttered something about 'Poll Tax' and 'ID cards' and 'cost'. It all just reninforced everyones vbiew that I would have been a far better choice for Chancellor if only Gordon had had the courage ....."

Yvette "Yes dear?"


Anonymous said...

The only way that people like Cooper will understand how much they are despised, is to take her husband, and their children and disembowel them in front of her. Then place their heads on stakes and make her carry them through the streets shouting 'I am responsible for this'.
But of course it will never happen.

john in cheshire

Chris Paul said...

What drivel. And I mean the fisk rather than the other stuff. Why doesn't the author put their name to it?

Anonymous said...

Yvette Cooper-Balls is "unworthy and puerile"

Mirtha Tidville said...

Let us focus on the positive..a few short months and these hideous pricks will have floated off the landscape...Just make sure Gordon keeps taking the tablets until next May..

Then may we never ever have to live under the Socialist Jack boot again..

Victor, NW Kent said...


Those were hysterical mumblings, largely incomprehensible to anyone without a socialist thesaurus.

I doubt that you could understand what a flat rate tax entails. it is hardly an idea unique to Osborne. Spain, Poland and the Czech Republic are thinking that way. Tax evasion is decreased and one does not need a chartered accountant to fill in your annual tax return. It does not, my dear socialist, mean that all pay the same rate of tax on every penny they earn. It is only Brown's meanness and inability to face the reality of poverty that causes 2-million really low-paid workers to have to pay income tax at all [plus, of course, his total foul-ups over the 10P tax rate].

Bullingdon goes back almost as far as Gordon Brown carrying his two bricks in a carrier bag to a party. At least Cameron et al paid their way and didn't sponge off others by deceit.

Now to Bilderberg. Ed Balls has attended this gathering as has Dennis Healey who said “To say we were striving for a one-world government is exaggerated, but not wholly unfair. Those of us in Bilderberg felt we couldn’t go on for ever fighting one another for nothing. So we felt that a single community throughout the world would be a good thing.”

The Grim Reaper said...

When she's standing next to Ed Balls, it's impossible to tell which is the husband and which is the wife. They're both that revolting.

Dimoto said...

Victor - North west Kent :

Feeding trolls is not advisable ...

Anonymous said...

One of the key causes of CJD amongst cows in 2001 was the practice of mushing up the remains of dead cows and then using that as the basis of the diet for the current generation.

I suspect something similar is the case with Ms Cooper. For years now her speeches and interview answers have comprised of so many New Labour stock phrases that anyone with a Bullshit Bingo board would have thought the fire brigade were outside.

I suspect that Ms Cooper has been ingesting her own speeches - replete with that cringing flavour of faux earnestness which she shares with Patricia Hewitt - and is now self fuelling herself into madness.

When Cooper loses her seat at the next election I suspect that she will need to be sectioned such will be the impact of defeat on her ego. She'll end up in a little padded cell somewhere with a crayon for company, wondering where she went wrong and blaming it all on the Global Credit Crunch which Gordon Brown led the world out of.

Anonymous said...

This Labour Conference will be the occasion remembered by my kids children in 2030 as the time a group that called itself 'The Labour Party"finally fell apart after 12 years in govt and over 90 years of existence.

In their final two years,they were "led" by a man called Brown (no one knows where he went after losing the General Election of 2010 by the largest defeat ever suffered by any Prime Minister - elected or unelected) - he simply disappeared off the face of the earth.

A detective hired by The Guardian in 2015 thinks he traced him to a clearing in a Scottish forest - evidently the clearing was forever covered by a large black cloud.

Suffice to say that with the demise of this political party that called itself "The Labour Party",their top people made peace with the Tories and a P Mandelson was anointed as Deputy Chairman,reporting to no one in particular.

Anonymous said...

I am deeply worried because the deeply odious Cooper Balls (what IS it about her that makes sane people want to apply 1M volt electrodes to her eyeballs?) - well she went to the same college that my son is now at....Iain - should I be worried?

By the way - these job centre's - they must be marketed by the same ad agency that manages McDonald's (Leo Burnett?) - we've had Job Centre Plus and so we shall soon get;

"Job Centre Super Sized Plus"

followed by;

"Job Centre Super Duper The Works Bust a Gut All Included (except a worthwhile job) Centre"....

Sir Edward Heath said...

Many moons ago after leaving the Army, I went into something called a Job Centre. "Do you have any graduate employment vacacies?" I boomed. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" came the reply. "We don't do those." I then checked the forms. I noticed I must declare all my savings to Big Nanny Government for my own good. "What business of the State is this?" one wondered. Needless to say I didn't bother claiming. It gave me a useful insight into how the middle-class fund public services - but then get zilch back.

Quietzapple said...

Flay rate tax means flat rate tax, hardly surprising that the flakes i/c the Czech Republic where they approve the persecution of gays and jews to the delight of Chameleon's allies, is considering it.

We had flatter rate Income Tax in Mrs Thatcher's '80s, and the Vestey family still paid none til they were caught, and had for 30 years. Fiddlers fiddle.

Great that the Inland Revenue now have more powers to inspect peoples' books, I Loved the howwwls of the right online when that was mooted.

Income tax was introduced with an allowance and progressive rates. Pitt the Yoynger had a lot more sense than most Tory Trolls, but. . then . . he did regard himself as an old fashioned Whig, in contradiction to the dishonest claims of the current Tory Party on YouTube.

Chameelon and the other toadies paid nowt, their parents paid, and not nearly enough as might be judged from Evelyn Waugh's account of Paul Pennyfeather and the Bullers, where a life is ruined by the drunken antics of such as Chameleon's fellows. As a "Tory" admirer of Waugh suggested on the Dully Tele there is truth in his comedy.

To 'Boris', is now taken to mean to 'make cock up.' You cannot take the Bullers out of the boy.

In fact Chameleon left the Bullers after 2 years, says a lot about his view of its PR value, and a defence of their behaviours matches the dishonesty of the whole matter. When they smashed a restaurant, which the club is fames for, did the proprietors compensate thsoe who lost work while the repairs were being made?
I don't mind people going to Bilderburg, but most of the Tory Trolls I prefer to ignore these days do, they wiked on about it endlessly.

Osborne stopped going when he was told it didn't suit his image. Just another 'peccadillo' - LOL - which makes it difficult for Chameleon to hang onto his Bullers mate, Leadership manager, and second derriere.

PRPRPRPR Cameron Pr oh dear.

Anonymous said...

That's nothing. Surely the most skin crawling speech of the day must be this one from Iain Gray where he tried to exploit a child's death to promote his own agenda.

Alex Salmond is not taking my country forward he is dragging it back.

That’s what happens when Labour loses power.

My Scotland would not be a country where two year-old Brandon Muir dies at the hands of his mother’s boyfriend and the First Minister says “everyone did all they could.” My Scotland would be a country where we would not give up on the 20,000 children living as Brandon Muir lived.

Surely worth a post on its own for the sheer depths of God knows what. Left me lost for words for a while.

Henry Wood said...

Is ther a video link to the fragrant Yvette's speech, please?

Victor, NW Kent said...


I would preferred it if you had replied in standard English but I managed to interpret enough of your rant to see that you accused the Czechs of being persecutors of gays and Jews.

It is really hopeless to try to persuade ranters to deal in facts but I will still try.

There is no Jewish persecution whatsoever in the Czech Republic. That is not to say that there are not people there who vilify Jews but they are a tiny number - as are indeed the Czech Jews. There has not been a single recorded instance of desecration of a synagogue or Jewish grave since Communist [your mates] rule ended in 1991.

I am also reliably inform that Czech attitudes to gay people are possibly the most relaxed of all East European countries.

Furthermore, I would like to say that I consider you to be an ill-informed bigot. I am not so tolerant.

Sam said...

Am I missing something?

Past chairmen of Bilderburg include:

Alec Douglas-Home
Lord Carrington

Attendees include:

Margaret Thatcher
Edward Heath
Enoch Powell
Kenneth Clarke
Georde Osborne

Henry Wood said...

I asked earlier if anyone had a video link to her speech. I found one:$1330377.htm

"Conference... she carries a spare pair of tights and a spare tie! ..."

"Conference... Tories want to destroy jobs! ..."

"Conference ... helping child carers!... " [Bwahahahahah! Did you hear about them two coppers caring for their own kids and brought down by the agents of this Government? Why didn't she say a Tory Government would not take on such a role?]

puke! puke! puke!

Sir Edward Heath said...

Quietzapple. Why don't you try Labour List? Class envy will get you everywhere in The Labour Party.

Sam said...

Victor, NW Kent said...

"There is no Jewish persecution whatsoever in the Czech Republic."

The reason is that there are very few Jews left there. They were rounded up and slaughtered by the Nazis with the enthusiastic support of the rest of the population.

Henry Wood said...

I must say I have to agree with "Victor, NW Kent"s comments in reply to Quietzapple, especially regarding Victor's repudiation of the charge of the Czechs being gay persecutors.

Anyone knowing the names of "William Higgins" and "Bel Ami" will realise that Quietzapples charges could only be a total fabrication.

Minekiller said...

An utterly hideous little troll is la Bollox-Cooper, headed for obscurity in oh...around eight months time.

Any colour but brown said...

"Fisking Yvette"

Oh, dear God, please erase this image from my brain.

Definition: to Fisk

When a male sits on the back of his partner reverse Cowboy style and slides his cock in and out of her ass cheeks without penetration. This works particularly well with fat chicks. The position is named after hall of fame catcher Carlton Fisk.

'She was reading a book while on her stomach, so I figured I'd fisk her for a bit.'

simon r said...

Yvette Cooper - the only Labour MP who makes you pine for Ruth Kelly.

Martin S said...

Heard an interesting one in the local the other day. New staff at Job Centre Plus are not getting the training they were promised. Just dropped in at the deep end and supposed to take people through horrendously complicated interview procedures with no guidance and no help.

Blind leading the blind...

Quietzapple said...

The only Czech and Polish guys I know are gay (true only one of each) refugees from those countries, reasonably happy in the Uk.

I shall be visiting a friendly family in Slovakia next year.

I well recall being regarded as an enemy of the only local communist party in the Uk I have come across, but then Tory Trolls don't deal in facts.

I was at one time expelled from a Cuban Young Communist Party party to boot.

But it is about Balls & Coop, fine people, unjustly vilified by their political enemies, Quelle surprise?


Stay cool, if you can.

Quietzapple said...

Oh, and I don't envy the Bullers, as Sir Ted did, why his voice was so plummy I guess.

My few drunken japes were pretty harmless, and cost very little to anyone.

Flowerpot on Queen Vic's head near Brighton's Pubs while the rozzers were looking the other way, anyone?

Victor, NW Kent said...

It is regrettable that those who know the least about a subject will make the most absolute statements.

The members of the Czech Nazi party were almost entirely German-speakers from the Sudetenland. They were indeed mainly responsible for sending about 115,000 Czech Jews to the concentration camps. Of those nearly 80,000 died.

Non-German speakers were very harshly treated and I suggest you read up on Lidice and Lekazy before you condemn Czechs in that abrupt way. Or perhaps you would rather persist with your prejudices.

roman said...

Sam, there was a lot of enthusiastic support for getting rid of the Jews across Europe during WW2 - from the Hungarians, the Poles, the Austrians, the French, and the Dutch to name but a few.

Victor, NW Kent said...

It's me again because it was you again. I love lists but hate them when everything has to be in multiples of 10. So I was very pleased that you had a list of 7 Tory attenders at Bilderberg. Not many really since 100 are invited per year and 55 years has passed since the first conference but no mind. If that list were all then it would be one-eighth of one per cent of attendees.

I also have a little list. I already mentioned Balls and Healey but I will give you some others - John Smith [yes, it was he], Tony Blair [the same] and the Labour Peer and apparatchik Lord Robertson who is the current Chair. Isn't this fun!

We also have Paddy Ashdown and the same chappie who presented Brown with his award as Saviour of the World last week - Henry Kissinger.

And finally I give the modern Alexander himself - Lord Mandelson of Foy etc etc etc.

Sam said...

Victor, NW Kent said...
"I also have a little list."

The reason I listed Margaret Thatcher, Edward Heath, Ken Clarke, etc., in relation to Bilderberg was to emphasise the fact that it is not, as it is usually portrayed on this site, just a sinister left-wing gathering but is supported by prominent Conservatives.


I want to vomit whenever I see or hear this person.

She embodies everything that is so sadly wrong with British politics.

Her over aching arrogance and lack of sincerity sums up New Labour to perfection.

These people and their Utopian politics have ruined the finances of UK plc.

They have also ruined our pensions. I looked at mine the other day. It's worth less than in 2000!

Brown is the worse Chancellor we have ever had. Just look at the facts.

And then we had to suffer the ignorance of Prescott.

They can thunder their sound bites at the Conference but it won't change anything.

Once again the Tories will have to clear up the mess.

Oh, and where is Mr Blair? Special adviser to JP Morgan.

You couldn't make it up.

It makes a Brazilian Telenovela look dull!