political commentator * author * publisher * bookseller * radio presenter * blogger * Conservative candidate * former lobbyist * Jack Russell owner * West Ham United fanatic * Email iain AT iaindale DOT com
Friday, November 28, 2008
Guido's Friday Caption Competition
Guido is running his usual Friday caption competition, using the above photo of Polly Toynbee, Damian Green and myself speaking at an event earlier this year. Frankly, the quality of the captions on his blog have not been up to much. Can you do better?
I'm now off for to attend a recession busting party in Hertfordshire. I won't be quaffing champagne, but purely because I don't like it. My hairshirt has been put away for the evening in all other respects. See you tomorrow. Depending on what time I get up.
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Opposition MP's to Boycott State Opening of Parliament next week in protest at arrest
Polly speaks to a subcutaneous mic - "Calling Plod. I've got them both right here, over. Guido got away but the other two are mesmerised by my coat of many colours..."
Polly: Your name will go on zee list...
Dale: Don't tell him, Damien...
Damien: You stupid boy...
Old Holborn, this is not the Sixties. Nobody's got bottle any more. We are all fecked.
Hair shirt? The governments policy is for us to spend like lunatics.
So go for it - its your patriotic duty
Postman Polly and her black and white chat in GreenDale.
Dale: (On Blackberry) Yes, John, the bash was wonderful. I was goosed by Eric Pickles - but now I'm in Mayfair, by a Hotel and I don't have any money.
Toynbee: Sorry Damien, "Go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass "GO"
Green: Ok, I'll pay £50 to get out, but, wait a minute, where's Gordon, I thought he was the Banker?
Toynbee: Be quiet Dale, or you might find yourself being questioned by nine counter terrorism officers about your choice of tie.
Wrinkled Weasel said...
"Old Holborn, this is not the Sixties. Nobody's got bottle any more. We are all fecked."
Yeah. In the 60s parliament sat for more that 128 days so if you blockaded it, there was a chance you'd stop them doing some work.
Other key differences to the 60s include:
* Oil running out, not Oil being found
* America being in debt to SE Asia rather than at war with it
* Labour deeply unhip with the kids
And to say we're fecked is just self-defeating. The markets are like Fairies in Peter Pan. It dies without confidence in them - I do believe in markets, c'mon kids, repeat after me: I do have confidence in the economy, Things WILL get better, I do have confidence in...
Polly: No wonder Woollies went bust if Iain Dale is any advert for their tie department.
Word v. mopunddl
Tut tut, Iain. Could we please resist the egrgious use of the reflexive pronoun? " ... and myself", indeed. Shame on you ;-)
Why the hell aren't Sky news covering the Damien green story? It's absolutely pathetic. Even the BBC have mentioned it!! Come on Sky buck your ideas up.
"so far his (Guido's) comments have not been up to much."
How very dare you, Iain.
How about: "Is this an Omen, Damien?"
Toynbee: Any chance you could turn that tie down a bit, Dale, or I'll have you arrested for conspiracy to dazzle the public.
(Breaking news: anti-terror police arrested the wrong man, and Damian Green is suing for wrongful arrest)
Polly, Wally, Doodle all the day.
Coat. Leaving. Just thought I'd say.
Green's last supper.
Quite seriously I thought the woamn was Ann Widdicombe....ROTFL
"Michael Fabricant's on the phone. He wants his wig back."
Left to right
The Good, the Terrorist (he must be because Gordy the super hero saviour of the world said so) and the Ugly (smug socialist comfortably off troll).
The year is 2030 and Louis Walsh, Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole prepare for the new X Factor series.
"As soon as I approached the table at the speed dating event, I knew I was in for an interesting night."
"Who are you?"
"I do not know"
"Would either of you like to drink my ****?"
I have already done this at Guidoes, and I have censored it here for your sensitive readers. I confidently expect to win...
人们为了要生活，就必须和自然界进行斗争，利用自然界来生产物质资料。人 们的物质生产，在任何时候、任何条件下，都是社会的生产。所以，人们在社会发 展的任何阶段进行生产的时候，都要建立一定的生产关系。(Go on, Damian, kick her and maybe she'll stop.) 人类在和自然界的不断 斗争中，不断地改造自然界，同时也不断地改造着人类自己，改造着人们彼此间的 关系。人们的本身，人们的社会关系、社会组织形式以及人们的思想意识等，都是 在社会的人们和自然界的长年斗争中不断地改造和进步的。(She's already kicked me, and she's wearing DMs.) 在古代，人们的生活样 式、社会组织、思想意识等，和现代人们的都不同；而在将来，人们的生活样式、社会组织、思想意识等，又会和现代人们的不同。
Anyone see where the caravan went?
Did Polly really use the back wall to try out the paints for her jacket?
Ian and Damien were embarrassed to find out too late that the do was 'fancy dress'.
If Labour and the Tories would just be sensible and honest about immigration policies and problems, then non-racist Brits simply concerned with Britain would not be driven to the only party concerned about immigration problems, the BNP; most of whose members are NOT 'fascists' or 'racists'.
Gordon Brown is clearly a fascist wannabe, and it would be even worse for Boris Johnson to have been privy to this. Hopefully most people will hear about this.
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
arrest innocent MPs
for just doing their jobs
exposing failed policies
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
be a violent leftist
attack conservatives' homes
you brown-shirt NAZI FASCISTS
absurd thought -
God of the Universe thinks
Marx was NOT an idiot
keep believing and HOPING
that communism WILL WORK
All real freedom starts with freedom of speech. Without freedom of speech there can be no real freedom.
Philosophy of Liberty Cartoon
Help Halt Terrorism Today!
Ah Natalie Imbrugliawuglia - toppest of top totty, up there with Sophie Marceau and Emmanuel Beart. You lucky old sea dog.
Left to right:
Seeing evil, seeing evil, evil.
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.
Two old men next to a deck chair, one says to the other, "It's nice out isn't it?" The other one says, "Yes, the weather's nice too."
Green agreed to sit next to Toynbee only on condition of a personal bottle of Sincerre as anæsthetic.
oops Sencerre. Twat.
Thank you for your interest in working for us Ms. Toynbee. Our normal practice is to keep your cv on file for a trial period whilst you demonstrate your value to the party in your present employment.
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