Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Free Stringfellows Membership For All!

Just on my way home on the train having attended a Tory fundraising dinner. I always think to myself that anyone who puts their hand up at these occasions to ask a question should probably be disqualified from asking one. Peter Stringfellow (bless him) admirably proved my point tonight when he brought the house down with this little corker...

"David, the left has claimed the word aspiration for itself. We have got to claim the word incentive. What incentives are you going to offer the British electorate to help win the next General Erection?"

Cue arf arfing... Quick as a flash, David Cameron said: "Membership of your club should do the trick, Peter."

Seriously, David Cameron gave a superb speech with just the right mix of humour, substance and critique of the government.

PS I have never been to Stringfellows but I do remember going on a stag night to a similar establishment near Detroit Airport called The Landing Strip. I recall a young lady called Tracey who turned out to be from Rochdale.

It turned out to be quite an evening when we were stopped by the police on the Interstate back to Ann Arbor. Because I don't drink I was driving. All was well until the policeman shone his torch into the car and enquired rather forcefully as to why the bridegroom was tied up in chains. "Because he enjoys it, Officer," I volunteered cheerily. The evening descended from there... Happy days.


Anonymous said...

I think I met Tracey in Bootle last New Year

Anonymous said...

good to see Peter is back with the Tories after his dalliances with others

Anonymous said...

Been a few times myself . What a horrible place . It treats women as objects .It must have been on the fifth occassion I went that I began to really disapprove . Returning a couple more times to make sure I found I really do disapprove.

Went to Old Trafford once and he was there. What bizarre sight , all the women ( in the hospitality bit) had hair like him and so did most of the men .

Its different up North
( Start drinking )

Scipio said...

I take it this was the Carlton Club Political dinner?

I went to a strip club once! Pretty girls, but the wine was crap, and the beer warm. Haven't been to another since.

If I am going to spend £300 on a night out, I at least want the wine to be nice.

Anyway, the kind of lady that waves her boobies in your face for a tenner is not the kind of ladies whose boobies you really want waved in your face is it?

erm...discuss (calmly)

Anonymous said...

So many experiences just like us Naval Officers but never to be one. You missed your vocation Ian!!

Anonymous said...

So many experiences just like us Naval Officers but never to be one. You missed your vocation Ian!!

The Hitch said...

Iain Dale + tart from rochdale in lapdancing club shame

Somehow I never expected to read that anywhere ,many other things but never that.
Stringfellow is a grotesque . I used to go to school with his kids karen and scott , he was buffoon 30 years ago and is even more of one now , and btw he doesnt own that club, never has, its owned by an accountant from Sheffield.

Anonymous said...

You do know what a landing strip is don't you?

Anonymous said...

A tory likes to be tied up in chains !

Do you have anything more cliche ?

Anonymous said...

Sorry Mr. Yalland after the bookcase fun and games I feel a bit of stalker but ,`I went to a strip club once`, is about the most obvious lie I `ve ever heard . I have come up with other great lies . Any more ?

1)I went to strip club once...yeah yeah
2 ) I didn’t inhale
3) I didn’t say `Liar`..My cherie amor lovlier than ..
4 Crime is going down
5) Lynford Christie was a clean athlete
6)About 15,000 Poles will turn up
7) I did not have sex with that woman
8) Read my lips ``no new taxes ` remember that one . `Bush 1`
9)David Cameron is Conservative
10)Gordon Browns dead-child-weep interview was coincidence ( nauseating)
11)We have any chance in the Ashes
12 )Devolution saved the Union
13)Margaret Thatcher was unpopular.
14) I `m working late
15 )`Oh oh oh oh ohoooooooooH Adrian you rock my landing strip`
16)Gordon Brown intends to
a Devolve power downwards
b Reform Public services
c Comtrol tax increases

17) Dianne Abbot would have sent her children to school in Hackney if they were white
18)WMDs are aimed at us ( actually I `m not sure that was a lie)
19) Reducing Taxes will destabilise the economy ( Cameron you twerp)
20)Newmnia is half as clever as he thinks he is... I know
21) Any domestic policy makes bugger all difference to the enviroment with Petrol in the US 2p per tonne , Labour outsourced to Asia for cost,and air travel politically impossible to tax

So David Cameron`s bike . LIE!


Anonymous said...

Apropos of nothing but I had to share the joy

Dario Silva has had his right leg amputated following a car crash in his native Uruguay.

"Portsmouth would like to wish him a full recovery,"
a statement on the club's official website.

Are you interested in this sort of thing Iain ?


strapworld said...

Cameron made a good speech!

Come on Iain stop doing what the new labour sycophants did to blair. Cameron is a loser and the sooner you accept that the better for us all. His little green tree needs to be pruned damned quick before you lose all the workers.

Iain Dale said...

strapworld. You weren't there, so how could you know if it was a good speech or not. Do you really think I am that sad that I would say Cameron had made a good speech if I didn't think he had. Credit me with something, at least.

Dr.Doom said...

Iain, I think you would.

Sorry about that but I think you think that Cameron is fabulous and should be given a part in DALLAS.

Ok I could stand corrected here, so let's test you.

Name one bad thing about Cameron, his 'policies'(ahem!) or the Conservative party.


Anonymous said...

If Cameron's 'Turqoise Politics' of mixing blue and green is designed to be a vote-winner, it just pales into insignificance when placed next to free Stringfellows membership.

It's the first policy Cameron has openly declared and it's an absolute beauty. Bodes well.

Scipio said...

Newmania - it's not a lie. It was a club called the Pink Flamingo, just outisde Portoroz in Slovenia.

I went in on the invitation of my host who was sponsoring the evening, but not realising it was a strip joint - actually it was a brothel in effect, where the purchase of a botle of champagne for €60 guarenteed certain services rendered.

I explained to the young lady that I was (a) not a fan of champagne (prefer a demi-seco cava myself), (b) not a fan of paying for sex, especially since I have an ex-wife and two kids I am still in effect paying for sex I had over 12 years ago, and (c) even if I was the slightest bit minded, I doubt I would be able to 'muster' the ability after such a tiring day touring the vineyards of Slovenia. I did however offer to call my current wife and offer the girl the option of asking my wife's permission for me to by her a botle of champage!

She looked blankly at me, and probably didn't understand a word I said!

I made my excuses, got a taxi back to the hotel, and fell asleep - alone! I have no idea what hapened to ourt host, as the next time we meet (over breakfast) he was rather hungover and we haven;t discussed the club since!

I did also venture into the doorway of a slap-dancing club in Cardiff on a stag weekend, but half of the lads I was with wanted to go to the pub next door and drink Brains SA! I was with them all the way - ogling totty is fun, but not when it interupts drinking time.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Yalland - I have read your postings with growing horror and astonishment .With such dangerously glittering eyes beyond the camp fire , nothing is safe. Tell me no more of this sybaritic demi-monde, I wish no part of your absinthe soaked debauchery .You are lost , lost ....