The Ministry of None of the Talents

This is the Press Association report, by Ben Padley, of tonight's Parliamentary talent contest - all in aid of 'charidee', natch.

MPs and peers let their hair down in aid of charity tonight as they performed in one of the highlights of the parliamentary calendar to a packed audience. Labour MP Bob Marshall Andrews had the audience roaring with laughter as he performed his take on life as a minister in the Home Office as Minister in Charge of Hobbies for Juvenile Delinquents. The Medway MP gave a satirical take on receiving a call from Number 10 to be invited in to Government by the Prime Minister at the eighth annual Parliamentary Palace of Varieties show at St John's Church, Smith Square, Westminster, in aid of Macmillan Cancer Relief. Other highlights included a `blind debate' by Labour MP Stephen Pound wearing a red leotard, and Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik and Tory MP Nigel Evans choosing their party leader in a House of Commons vote. Set to a backdrop called the Wizard of IS, a voice impersonated different political personalities and ended with the slogan `21st century politics - different voices but the same message'. Former Chancellor Lord Healey recited Kipling's The Way Through The Woods and Mandalay and deputy Tory party chairman Bernard Jenkin MP sang a historical version of the death of Nelson. The MP4 - Labour Whips Kevin Brennan (Cardiff West) and Ian Cawsey(Brigg and Goole), Tory Greg Knight (Yorkshire East) and the SNP's Pete Wishart (Perth and North Perthshire), a former member of Celtic band Runrig, dedicated Why Does It Always Rain On Me to the Liberal Democrat's Lembit Opik and Keep On Running to the Government Whips office. Tory MP for Devizes and former minister Michael Ancram played guitar and sang Bob Dylan's Don't Think Twice It's Alright in a duet with his daughter Clare. Labour MP Ken Purchase (Wolverhampton North East) and Lord Colwyn CBE performed All that Jazz, while former Tory MP Toby Jessel showed himself an accomplished pianist. Lord Falconer played Jim Hacker in the BBC TV series Yes Minister - talking of `big ideas' and a plan to cancel the Trident nuclear programme and introduce conscription. Lord Carter, Baroness Crawley and Baroness Royall poked fun at the House of Lords and the House of Commons singing their own version of My Favourite Things from the musical The Sound of Music.