Tuesday, December 15, 2009

X Factor Goes Political!

Venue: LWT Studios on the South Bank
Date: April 23 2010
Programme: X Factor Goes Political

The three party leaders have completed their first TV debate, in which Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh, Cheryl Cole and Danni Minogue ask the questions and deliver their judgements.

Cheryl: Gordon, mate, why-aye, you really smashed it.
David Cameron: What, the economy?
Cheryl: Shut up posh boy, no, that answer on the NHS. Gordon, it's your best performance so far. You've shown you've got the X Factor.
Simon: Well that's all very well Cheryl but he fluffed his lines on education and looked shifty on Afghanistan - it was all a bit karaoke. Gordon, you were totally unprepared, you mumbled, and, well your facial movements were just weird. If you perform like that in the final, Dave is going to trounce you.
Louis: Simon, forget Dave, forget Gordon, Nick is the man. He's cute, he's handsome, the girls are gonna love him
Danni (in a stage whisper): And the boys, eh, Louis?
Louis: Nick, forget the polls, forget the beards, forget the scandals, forget Danni, you've truly got the X Factor!
Danni: Louis, Louis, Louis. Ever the one for a pretty face. Are you going to sign him up for LibZone? If you want the real deal look at the performance from Dave. Wowser! Wowser! Wowser! Dave, that was C2-tastic. You pressed those buttons like you'd been doing it for years. You nailed that answer on the environment. You can change my climate any time!
Dermot (for it is he): Well, guys, only a few days to go to the final. How do you feel?
Nick: I'd just like to say that if it weren't for our ridiculous electoral system ...
Dermot: Sorry Nick, but that's all we've got time for. Dave, happy?
Dave: Dermot, if we were in different circumstances I'd be wanting to share the proceeds of growth with you.. I can't say fairer than that.
Dermot: Yes indeed. And finally, Gordon, what have you got to say to the voters?
Gordon: I'm getting on with the job, it started in Amerca, it's the right thing to do, he went to Eton, you know.
Dermot: Ladies & Gentlemen, the lines are now open.

And no one called in...


Mike said...

I didn't watch the X Factor but I may have done if it was like this.
Bring on the Election

Kath said...

No one called in?

Date: April 23 2010

Theres still time, give us the number quick!

sarah said...

Cowell is a fan of Brown, and probably votes Labour. He just HAS to be a Lefty. I know he loathes fox hunting.

Saying that, he's savvy enough to keep his politics out of the public eye.

Who on earth would want to be associated with Brown?

dazmando said...

LOL this is good,

as this is in April it would be a great program if there a hung parliment in a March election. Could go to an april Xfactor, saves a re run?

Melvin Cragsbury (a pseudonym) said...

Two comments:

1. Cowell is simply after making more money. He has no interest in political debate.

2. Bearing in mind broadcasting rules, my guess is this will not fly.


Mike Law said...

I don't see any reason why Cowell shouldn't make lots of money for nothing by exploiting the political system.

MPs have been doing it for years, and he's far more entertaining.

James said...

You forgot to mention Gordo saying 'it all started in America...'

Nick said...

Iain, you're being a childish tosser on this.

Cowell has a very valid point.

People want a direct say on issues. Programs like the X Factor shows that people are interested when they have a direct say in things. Look at how many vote. They will even pay to have that say.

You're against because you want to be an MP and have power, so you can tell others what to do.

We need one man(or woman) one vote in the UK. And I don't mean Brown as that one vote.

We all should have the final say on every act.

X Factor shows people want it, and it shows that in a modern day, that its technically possible. If they can mobilise so many people to vote in a short space of time, with the web there are ways of getting a higher turn out.

You should start a serious discussion about why the electorate should control parliament and not the other way round.

Iain Dale said...

Nick, I normally don't allow comments which call me a tosser, but seeing as you have made a complete tosser out of yourself I will make an exception.

Where in this post did I say I was against a political version of X Factor? Nowhere.

What a pity it is that you can't take this post for what it is - an attempt to provide a little bit of humour. Lame maybe, but it's the best I can do.

I agree with some of your later points. Why is it that you and others constantly try to attribute motives to me which I just do not have.

It was a joke for God's sake.

tapestry said...

Politics as entertainment?

It would work better as tragedy.

As for politics being show business for ugly people, is that still as true today as it used to be?

The merging of politics with media is improving the standard a bit. What we want is a trustworthy, dedicated, morally good politics, not good looking smarmers, who sell us out.

Simon Cowell wouldn't know the difference.

Old Holborn said...

Speaking of humour Iain, I believe you speak German

Swiss Direct Democracy in action


Old Holborn said...

I would suggest that X Factor style voting on every motion before the House of Commons is EXACTLY what is needed.

646 P45's to be issued immediately. No longer needed.

Mick Turatian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mick Turatian said...

Sehr witzig, oller H!

subrosa said...

I liked the post Iain, so you've one fan.

Old Holborn, great video. Impossible to translate though really and keep the satire.

Hammer said...

Don't laugh. Cowell is planning to run a political X-Factor type show in the near future.

As Private Eye pointed out, the last time this happened the British public voted overwhelmingly for a "swivel-eyed fascist" and ITV very quietly withdraw all the promotion for the show. That was back in 2005 I believe.

strongholdbarricades said...

Whilst funny

Why does politics have to be brought down to the level of using a money grubbing music svengali?

Nick said...

Iain. There is a real issue with political fascism and dictatorship in the country.

Cowell's points are perfectly valid.

That so many politicians are trying to make fun of it and completely avoiding any discussion about the content of his ideas says a lot.

Even people Carswell in their "The Plan" have the idea of referenda. However, when it comes to their Great Repeal Bill, it disappears. No referenda on the matter.

One reason is that they want to repeal the smoking ban. Now here I suspect they would lose a referenda. On fox hunting, it might also be a bit marginal. They don't want to trust the electorate. They don't want to be told what to do, they want to dictate.

The conculsion one has to come to is that its lip service because they think its going to be buggins turn to dictate.

So you've repeated it Iain. You've failed to discuss the idea at the heart of what Cowell had to say.

Namely that the electorate should have the final say.

My conclusion, you do want to become the MP so you can dictate to others, rather than to serve.

You can of course present any arguments to the contrary

Old Holborn said...

Jonathan Maitland, the show’s presenter, said: “The winner is a comedy fascist nutter and a cross between Lord Brocket and Mussolini.

“It’s not embarrassing that he won because we’ll now respect our real politicians more.”


You cannot make this stuff up

Nick said...

Why does politics have to be brought down to the level of using a money grubbing music svengali?


In my opinion that is a higher level than the current money grabbing MPs and Lords.

Top that with Lords selling legistlation for cash, and Parliament is a real cesspool.

What you can say for Cowell, is that he does provide a lot that the audience wants, without leaving them in trillions of debt.

So on balance, Cowell wins.

Bugger said...

Well the politicians started it

Iain Dale said...

Nick, you prove yourself to be incapable of reading. See above.

I agree with referendums on national and local issues, as I have made clear on this blog several times.

thehoatzin said...


I'd rather watch the x-factor than read drivel like this.

And you want to be an MP?

The modern age truly is the triumph of style over substance.

True Belle said...

Oh no, a Cameron PR stunt for a share of a billionare wadge of dosh.

This Simon Cowell, leader of the brain dead, might be persuaded to model a series of Tory tee - shirts with suitable political logos , y/n?

Lord Blagger said...

I agree with referendums on national and local issues, as I have made clear on this blog several times.


On all issues? Every single act of parliament?

Every tax rise?

Every bit of borrowing?

Unless we have control over politicians, they will carry on enriching themselves at the taxpayer's expense and following Greeces example.

If we take the Great Repeal Bill as an example.

Where does the electorate get to vote on which bills get repealed?

It's not in the Tory manifesto after all.