Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Ridiculous Job Titles: No 94

Fancy a new job? HERE'S a corker. If you can come up with a more ridiculous job title than HEAD OF HORIZON PLANNING you've done better than me. And read the guff that accompanies it!


Horizon Scanning (HS) is the systematic examination of potential threats, opportunities and likely developments, including but not restricted to those at the margins of current thinking and planning. The Horizon Scanning Centre’s (HSC) main aims are to undertake HS for Government and to help Government Departments raise their HS capabilities. In this high profile role, you will be expected to develop the HSC’s vision and direction, leading and creating the best mix of teams and resources. You will continue to build and maintain the high level cross-Government market for strategic futures products and services, working with other relevant centres and cross-Government groups as necessary. You will lead in improving further the evidential and analytical basis for horizon scanning, so that the UK Government is positioned increasingly at the cutting-edge of the field.


No doubt another £100k of our money down the swanny.

22 comments:

Diablo said...

You wouldn't f***ing believe it if this was in "Yes, Prime Minister"!

verity said...

Monty Python should'st be living at this hour.

Anonymous said...

Is this not a glorified "SWOT analysis", beloved by Management Consultants etc.?

A sheet of A4 paper is all you need.

The Remittance Man said...

So basically this guy's going to sit in a comfie office dreaming up unlikely scenarios. I can do that for a hell of a lot less than 100k (nearly 2 million rand at the current exchange rate). Hell I've been on the recieving end of enough demands for plans to deal with unlikely occurences dreamt up by "horizon prediction" I could probably do a PhD in the subject.

Think I should apply?

Anonymous said...

Is this a new department for those who are unemployed and can't be bothered to get out of bed, occasionally raising their weary head above the sheets to view the room?

Anonymous said...

Would it still be ridiculous if it was called "Head of Long Term Strategy"?

BOF2BS said...

Too much blue skying for me!

Anonymous said...

Not as stupid as the jargon makes out. The MoD links with this in forming defence policy.

The MoD's own version is here:

http://www.dcdc-strategictrends.org.uk/

Its not a mass of superfluous managementese. Its a hard headed and sober look at the uncertainties of the world we will face in the next 30 years. The Horizon Scanning Centre contributes to this process.

Anonymous said...

Not as stupid as the jargon makes out. The MoD links with this in forming defence policy.

The MoD's own version is here:

http://www.dcdc-strategictrends.org.uk/

Its not a mass of superfluous managementese. Its a hard headed and sober look at the uncertainties of the world we will face in the next 30 years. The Horizon Scanning Centre contributes to this process.

Man in a Shed said...

Come the revolution we should fire 75% of all puplic employees who earn over £100k, with the exception of GPs perhaps, and see if anyone notices the difference.

Newmania said...

Its not a mass of superfluous managementese.


Errm I think it is ...and your remark about the MOD is further evidence that the Dr.Who department is junk that clutters the place up when there is too much money around . OURS !Why not cancel the budget give the millions wasted to me and repoace it with a small sign saying "Who the f--- knows "

That was courtesy of Newmania Strategic forward thinking ideas cascade refracting through experience solutions that will be £1,000,000 please .....I take a cheque .

Newmania said...

Note the government employ at least two anons to say "Not as stupid as the jargon makes out" Surely one of them should be fired ?

Pogo said...

"Newmania"... No. If it's military they need "multiple redundancy" - used in the "standby" sense rather than getting rid of surplus drones, which would be a much better idea IMHO.

Neil Craig said...

Actually a useful job. Indeed I can think of a couple of people (science writers not civil servants) who could do it very well.

However the title "Head of" suggests an entire department of people thinking outside the envelope, all dutifully part of a civil service hierarchy. Which seems to rather miss the point.

Mystic Smeg said...

Here's a 'Horizon Scan' I can provide to Gordon for free.

I see you spending a lot of someone elses money with a mysterious man with... wait I can see it now, white hair and dark eyebrows... I see you buying a...a...a bank

Hang on its becoming much clearer...you're completely f*cked

verity said...

Man In A Shed writes: "Come the revolution we should fire 75% of all puplic employees who earn over £100k,".

Take away the qualifier.

Pogo said...

Neil... Surely "thinking outside the envelope" and "civil service" must be the ultimate oxymoron..?

jafo said...

If the MOD actually are "horizon scanning" it's a shame they couldn't work out that soldiers need body armour and properly armoured vehicles, if you're interested in keeping them alive, that is.

What does the MOD version of it say, exactly?

The Remittance Man said...

Hang on. All those people talking about "hardheaded and realistic". In all the history of mankind, has anyone ever reached the horizon?

Thought not.

In other words one can come up with the unlikeliest of b*****s and never be proved wrong

Trumpeter Lanfried said...

I expect this advertisement was drafted by a recruitment consultant who charged a professional fee for his creative writing; at least £1,000, at a guess, probably more.

Benz said...

Monty Python? Stupidity moves too fast for satire these days. Luckily, our scary, scary enemies (they could be anywhere!) keeps our governments chock full of important jobs and weapons contracts.

Anonymous said...

This is excellent!!!
I recently designed a random job title generator, and it really proved its effectiveness: for instance:
"Legacy Readiness Officer"
"Operative Commitment Manager"
and so on....
:)