Saturday, July 12, 2008

Name That Political Autobiography!

Just a bit of fun, but I thought we'd have a little competition today (with no prize...) whereby I ask you to suggest titles for the following politicians' autobiographies. Or feel free to suggest some others...

1. Hazel Blears
2. David Davis
3. Vince Cable
4. Wendy Alexander
5. Michael Martin


Anonymous said...

David Davis "My part in My Downfall"

Anonymous said...

Michael Martin: Order Order My Wife a Taxi

Anonymous said...

Blears - Chipmunk on a bike
David Davis - One who dares
Cable - Plumbing the depths
Wendy Alexander - The inperceptible rise to failure
Michael Martin - No class. Sub-title .. An end to class war (believe that and you're a muppet)

Anonymous said...

Vince Cable - Always live, never neutral

Michael Martin - Disorder, disorder...

Hazel Blears - Labour: My Part in its Downfall

David Davis - Choice of Freedom

Wendy Alexander - not so much a book as a set of fuzzy felt...

Anonymous said...

Michael Martin - Social Mobility From honourable sheet metal worker to disgusting class warrior thug.

Anonymous said...

1. Hazel Blears - Who needs talent?

2. David Davis - Do you remember me?

3. Vince Cable - Bean Counter

4. Wendy Alexander - Buddy, can you spare £995?

5. Michael Martin - Power Corrupts

Anonymous said...

Blears-"The long and short of it".
PS...What about Jeffrey Archer.....
"A CRICK in the neck"..think about it!

Anonymous said...

Anthony Eden "Where I led Gordon will follow"

Anonymous said...

Hazel Blears. Chopped off at the kneecaps.

David Davis. Suicide Mission.

David Milliband. Endless Puberty.

Ken Livingstone. It Should Have Been Me. (Boris, my Nemesis!).

David Cameron. Irresistible Force.

Boris Johnson. The Latin Lover.

Alan Douglas said...

Michael Martin - Head Headbanger


Taking the Mick

Alan Douglas

Astro-Turf Lawnmower said...

Gordon Brown - "Macavity: From Stalin to Mr Bean"

Anonymous said...

How about Harriot Harmon?

"overcoming merit through gender awareness"

Anonymous said...

Hazel Blears - View from a Periscope
David Davis - The Straight Choice
Vince Cable - Hotwired
Wendy Alexander - Scotch the Rumours
Michael Martin - I was Rab C Nesbitt's Spin Doctor

"Only in it for the money" - a cross party anthonlogy.

Anonymous said...

I think the creative souls in the Commons would probably write autobiographical novels, or even a Roman a clef, rather than a strict autobiography. How about:

Hazel Blears and Sarah Teather - 'Very Little Women'

William Hague - 'Previously Great Expectations'

Vince Cable - 'Orange-bookers are not the only Fruit-loops'

Michael Martin - 'Potrait of a Chartist as a rich man'

Den Dover - 'Down and Out in Brussels *and* Strasbourg'

Anonymous said...

Hazel Blears -- Chipper
Neil Kinnock -- Gone With the Wind
Jack Straw -- I've Never Even Seen a Paraplegic Camel, Honest
Gordon Brown -- Ducked Courage
David Miliband -- Great Expectations
Ed Balls -- Body Knob
Quentin Davies -- Out of My Mind
David Willetts -- Geeks Bearing Gifts
Mark Oaten -- Wild Oats
David Davies -- Wrong Numbers
Boris Johnson -- The Man in the Ironic Mask
Iain Dale --

Harry Cole said...

David Davis - Freedom isn't Free

Anonymous said...

"1. Hazel Blears"

Biker Mouse from Mars.

PS Sara Teather's not too 'little' in some departments Morus. Quite an handful some say!

Anonymous said...

Wendy Alexander..Living in a goldfish bowl
Michael Martin.. Breeding matters!Bollacks.
Hazel Blears ...Empty Barrels

Anonymous said...

Blears "Can you see me Mother?"

Anonymous said...

David Davis "Bully For YOU"

Anonymous said...

Hazel Blears -- 'Little Sister Was Watching You'

David Davis -- 'My Way'

Vince Cable -- 'A Long Day's Journey to the Right'

Wee Wendy -- 'Gordon Brown, My Part in his Downfall'

Michael Martin -- "Bewigged Bothered and Bewildered'

Simon Harley said...

2: Give me Liberty or Give me Death - David Davis.

5: "Taxi!" The Wife's Journey of Michael Martin.

Anonymous said...

Hazel Blears. A Short Biography
David Davis. Who Dares Won

David Milliband. How to Watch Paint Dry
Ken Livingstone. The Comeback Kid

David Cameron. Everybodies Friend
Boris Johnson. Blondes have More FUn

Anonymous said...

Gordon Browm -- 'Worth the wait'

Michael Martin -- 'Integrity Tested'

Anoneumouse said...

1. Hazel Blears - TOPIC (nutty...a one bite novel)

2. David Davis - PETARD (bit of a damp sqib...phut)

3. Vince Cable - HAS BEAN ('Sharp' but half baked)

4. Wendy Alexander - GUPPY (disambiguation....Darius!)

5. Michael Martin - BRING ME SUNSHINE ("Hip-Shifting for the Night Fleet")

Daily Referendum said...

1. Hazel Blears - Nuttier than squirrel sh*t.

2. David Davis - Freedom is a novel idea.

3. Vince Cable - It could have been me.

4. Wendy Alexander - Bring it on!

5. Michael Martin - Stuck in the middle like poo.

strapworld said...

Hazel Blears - 'The only way is Up'

David Davis 'Liberty'

Vince Cable 'Mr Bean and I'

Wendy Alexander 'Why lip surgery does not work'

Michael Martin 'They say I was one of the greatest speakers of the house of commons, but I couldn't possibly comment'

Gordon Brown 'Courage Volumn 4:
Taking tough decisions'

Jack Straw. 'A man of Straw'

Harriet Harman. 'I always wore the trousers'

Peter Hain 'Tanning for Dummies'

Tessa Jowell 'I won the lottery'

Geoff Hume. 'At the forefront of British Politics'

Tapestry said...

Boris Johnson - Spectator No More

David Davis' Deadly Book Of Political Assassination

Wendy Alexander - Out Of My Depth

Michael Martin - Cooking The Books - Advanced Level.

Vince Cable - Political Genius In A Liberal Democratic Wasteland

Hazel Blears - Gordon's Pet Dwarf

Anonymous said...

David Davis - The ego has landed.

Anonymous said...

Michael Martin: Order! order! there's no accounting

Wendy Alexander: Big Brother in the House

Gordon Brown: Scotch, on the Rocks

Alistair Darling: Scot on the Rock

Anonymous said...

Charles Kennedy: Scotch and Sober

Bill Quango MP said...

Michael Martin: Pride and Prejudice
Vince Cable: Gullible's Travels
Gordon Brown: Dithering Heights
Jaqui Smith: Tale of two Titties
John Prescott: Naked Lunch
Ed Milliband: The Big Sheep
Wendy Alexander: to Kill a Mocked-at-Bird
Hoon: Tinker,Traitor,Soldier,Sh*t
Jack Straw: Waiting for Gordot.
Ed Balls: The Great Fatsby
David Davis: Sense and Sensibility
Peter Hain: A Clockwork Orange
Charles Kennedy: Schindlers Pissed.
Alistair Darling : Diary of a Nobody
Des Browne : Des Miserables
Lord Levy : Vanity Fair
Tamsin Dunwoody: Exodus
Harriet Harman: Bin-Her

Stewart Cowan said...

Tony Blair - Live and Let Die

George W Bush & Dick Cheney - The World is not Enough

Mark Oaten - The Guy Who Loved Me

Wendy Alexander - Moneyraker

John Prescott - Blunderball

Gordon Brown - Die Another Day

Vladimir Putin - From Russia with Radioactive Poison

Simon Hughes - For Everyone's Eyes Only

Cyril Smith - Thunderthighs

Evan Harris - Dr Death

and, not a politician, but...

Sir Ian Blair - Licence to Kill (the innocent)

Anonymous said...

Hmm.. missing an angle here, forget the books, collar the market in the musicals, and your fortune shall be made..

Blears - Eager Beaver Chipmunk Fever. Featuring the songs of the Bee Gees.. A lowly working class dancer tries to hit the big-time in the big, bad city relying on her wits and her, er, wisdom to make it, well as large as she can manage in high heels really..

David Davis - A subtle re-working of that high culture epic 'Chess' by those musical polymaths Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice, who has subtly changed the words to..
"One night in Haltem-price and Howden... I can fell an angel sliding up to me.."

Michael Martin - Phantom on the Expense Account - a touching tale in which a hideously disfigured Speaker somehow manages to land a mutually beneficial relationship with a lady with expensive tastes in travel and dining...

Vincent Cable - A non-sexist working of the fable of Cinderella in which Vincent does get to go to the ball to dance with the lovely Alesha, who then has to repatriate his slip-on which has become slip-off, all to the music of Mis-teeq..

Wendy Alexander - Well, I'm sorry to be so predictable, but it just has to be Evita doesn't it ? She takes other peoples money so that she can lavish it on herself and the poor folk of Scotland despite the fact that she doesn't have the charisma or power of Eva Peron.. so she ends up living alone with a wide variety of stray cats she has taken in..
Based on the book 'Old Possum's book of Characterless Prats..'

Anonymous said...

Chris Patten:

"Patten - Lust for Infamy"

Anonymous said...

Fiona McTaggart

'Beauty is not just skin deep'

Anonymous said...

1. Holding Back The Blears
2. With My Bare Hands
3. The Cable Guy
4. Sister 'n' Law
5. Taxi To The Dark Side

Anonymous said...

1. Hazel Blears - Love's Labour's Lost
2. David Davis - Much Ado About Nothing
3. Vince Cable - The Comedy Of Errors
4. Wendy Alexander - All's Well That Ends Well
5. Michael Martin - The Merry Wife Of Glasgow

Anonymous said...

Going on my theme of Shakespearean plays, I had a few other ideas:

1. James Callaghan - The Winter's Tale
2. William Hague - Measure For Measure
3. Mark Oaten - A Midsummer Night's Dream
4. Gordon Brown - Macbeth

Anonymous said...

Gordon Brown. Walking Into a Propeller.

Tony Blair. A Preen too Far.

Michael Martin. White Collar Crime Boy.

President Mugabe. The Scum Also Rises.

Michael Portillo. Un Visage a Claque.

Philipa said...

1. Toxic
2. Baby one more time
3. Do Somethin
4. From the bottom of my broken heart
5. My Prerogative.

Anonymous said...

Michael Martin and the Chamber of (Legally Enforced) Secrets.