Just a bit of fun, but I thought we'd have a little competition today (with no prize...) whereby I ask you to suggest titles for the following politicians' autobiographies. Or feel free to suggest some others...
1. Hazel Blears
2. David Davis
3. Vince Cable
4. Wendy Alexander
5. Michael Martin
David Davis "My part in My Downfall"
Michael Martin: Order Order My Wife a Taxi
Blears - Chipmunk on a bike
David Davis - One who dares
Cable - Plumbing the depths
Wendy Alexander - The inperceptible rise to failure
Michael Martin - No class. Sub-title .. An end to class war (believe that and you're a muppet)
Vince Cable - Always live, never neutral
Michael Martin - Disorder, disorder...
Hazel Blears - Labour: My Part in its Downfall
David Davis - Choice of Freedom
Wendy Alexander - not so much a book as a set of fuzzy felt...
Michael Martin - Social Mobility From honourable sheet metal worker to disgusting class warrior thug.
1. Hazel Blears - Who needs talent?
2. David Davis - Do you remember me?
3. Vince Cable - Bean Counter
4. Wendy Alexander - Buddy, can you spare £995?
5. Michael Martin - Power Corrupts
Blears-"The long and short of it".
PS...What about Jeffrey Archer.....
"A CRICK in the neck"..think about it!
Anthony Eden "Where I led Gordon will follow"
Hazel Blears. Chopped off at the kneecaps.
David Davis. Suicide Mission.
David Milliband. Endless Puberty.
Ken Livingstone. It Should Have Been Me. (Boris, my Nemesis!).
David Cameron. Irresistible Force.
Boris Johnson. The Latin Lover.
Michael Martin - Head Headbanger
Taking the Mick
Gordon Brown - "Macavity: From Stalin to Mr Bean"
How about Harriot Harmon?
"overcoming merit through gender awareness"
Hazel Blears - View from a Periscope
David Davis - The Straight Choice
Vince Cable - Hotwired
Wendy Alexander - Scotch the Rumours
Michael Martin - I was Rab C Nesbitt's Spin Doctor
"Only in it for the money" - a cross party anthonlogy.
I think the creative souls in the Commons would probably write autobiographical novels, or even a Roman a clef, rather than a strict autobiography. How about:
Hazel Blears and Sarah Teather - 'Very Little Women'
William Hague - 'Previously Great Expectations'
Vince Cable - 'Orange-bookers are not the only Fruit-loops'
Michael Martin - 'Potrait of a Chartist as a rich man'
Den Dover - 'Down and Out in Brussels *and* Strasbourg'
Hazel Blears -- Chipper
Neil Kinnock -- Gone With the Wind
Jack Straw -- I've Never Even Seen a Paraplegic Camel, Honest
Gordon Brown -- Ducked Courage
David Miliband -- Great Expectations
Ed Balls -- Body Knob
IDS -- SYL
Quentin Davies -- Out of My Mind
David Willetts -- Geeks Bearing Gifts
Mark Oaten -- Wild Oats
David Davies -- Wrong Numbers
Boris Johnson -- The Man in the Ironic Mask
Iain Dale -- http://iaindale.blogspot.com/
David Davis - Freedom isn't Free
"1. Hazel Blears"
Biker Mouse from Mars.
PS Sara Teather's not too 'little' in some departments Morus. Quite an handful some say!
Wendy Alexander..Living in a goldfish bowl
Michael Martin.. Breeding matters!Bollacks.
Hazel Blears ...Empty Barrels
Blears "Can you see me Mother?"
David Davis "Bully For YOU"
Hazel Blears -- 'Little Sister Was Watching You'
David Davis -- 'My Way'
Vince Cable -- 'A Long Day's Journey to the Right'
Wee Wendy -- 'Gordon Brown, My Part in his Downfall'
Michael Martin -- "Bewigged Bothered and Bewildered'
2: Give me Liberty or Give me Death - David Davis.
5: "Taxi!" The Wife's Journey of Michael Martin.
Hazel Blears. A Short Biography
David Davis. Who Dares Won
David Milliband. How to Watch Paint Dry
Ken Livingstone. The Comeback Kid
David Cameron. Everybodies Friend
Boris Johnson. Blondes have More FUn
Gordon Browm -- 'Worth the wait'
Michael Martin -- 'Integrity Tested'
1. Hazel Blears - TOPIC (nutty...a one bite novel)
2. David Davis - PETARD (bit of a damp sqib...phut)
3. Vince Cable - HAS BEAN ('Sharp' but half baked)
4. Wendy Alexander - GUPPY (disambiguation....Darius!)
5. Michael Martin - BRING ME SUNSHINE ("Hip-Shifting for the Night Fleet")
1. Hazel Blears - Nuttier than squirrel sh*t.
2. David Davis - Freedom is a novel idea.
3. Vince Cable - It could have been me.
4. Wendy Alexander - Bring it on!
5. Michael Martin - Stuck in the middle like poo.
Hazel Blears - 'The only way is Up'
David Davis 'Liberty'
Vince Cable 'Mr Bean and I'
Wendy Alexander 'Why lip surgery does not work'
Michael Martin 'They say I was one of the greatest speakers of the house of commons, but I couldn't possibly comment'
Gordon Brown 'Courage Volumn 4:
Taking tough decisions'
Jack Straw. 'A man of Straw'
Harriet Harman. 'I always wore the trousers'
Peter Hain 'Tanning for Dummies'
Tessa Jowell 'I won the lottery'
Geoff Hume. 'At the forefront of British Politics'
Boris Johnson - Spectator No More
David Davis' Deadly Book Of Political Assassination
Wendy Alexander - Out Of My Depth
Michael Martin - Cooking The Books - Advanced Level.
Vince Cable - Political Genius In A Liberal Democratic Wasteland
Hazel Blears - Gordon's Pet Dwarf
David Davis - The ego has landed.
Michael Martin: Order! order! there's no accounting
Wendy Alexander: Big Brother in the House
Gordon Brown: Scotch, on the Rocks
Alistair Darling: Scot on the Rock
Charles Kennedy: Scotch and Sober
Michael Martin: Pride and Prejudice
Vince Cable: Gullible's Travels
Gordon Brown: Dithering Heights
Jaqui Smith: Tale of two Titties
John Prescott: Naked Lunch
Ed Milliband: The Big Sheep
Wendy Alexander: to Kill a Mocked-at-Bird
Jack Straw: Waiting for Gordot.
Ed Balls: The Great Fatsby
David Davis: Sense and Sensibility
Peter Hain: A Clockwork Orange
Charles Kennedy: Schindlers Pissed.
Alistair Darling : Diary of a Nobody
Des Browne : Des Miserables
Lord Levy : Vanity Fair
Tamsin Dunwoody: Exodus
Harriet Harman: Bin-Her
Tony Blair - Live and Let Die
George W Bush & Dick Cheney - The World is not Enough
Mark Oaten - The Guy Who Loved Me
Wendy Alexander - Moneyraker
John Prescott - Blunderball
Gordon Brown - Die Another Day
Vladimir Putin - From Russia with Radioactive Poison
Simon Hughes - For Everyone's Eyes Only
Cyril Smith - Thunderthighs
Evan Harris - Dr Death
and, not a politician, but...
Sir Ian Blair - Licence to Kill (the innocent)
Hmm.. missing an angle here, forget the books, collar the market in the musicals, and your fortune shall be made..
Blears - Eager Beaver Chipmunk Fever. Featuring the songs of the Bee Gees.. A lowly working class dancer tries to hit the big-time in the big, bad city relying on her wits and her, er, wisdom to make it, well as large as she can manage in high heels really..
David Davis - A subtle re-working of that high culture epic 'Chess' by those musical polymaths Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice, who has subtly changed the words to..
"One night in Haltem-price and Howden... I can fell an angel sliding up to me.."
Michael Martin - Phantom on the Expense Account - a touching tale in which a hideously disfigured Speaker somehow manages to land a mutually beneficial relationship with a lady with expensive tastes in travel and dining...
Vincent Cable - A non-sexist working of the fable of Cinderella in which Vincent does get to go to the ball to dance with the lovely Alesha, who then has to repatriate his slip-on which has become slip-off, all to the music of Mis-teeq..
Wendy Alexander - Well, I'm sorry to be so predictable, but it just has to be Evita doesn't it ? She takes other peoples money so that she can lavish it on herself and the poor folk of Scotland despite the fact that she doesn't have the charisma or power of Eva Peron.. so she ends up living alone with a wide variety of stray cats she has taken in..
Based on the book 'Old Possum's book of Characterless Prats..'
"Patten - Lust for Infamy"
'Beauty is not just skin deep'
1. Holding Back The Blears
2. With My Bare Hands
3. The Cable Guy
4. Sister 'n' Law
5. Taxi To The Dark Side
1. Hazel Blears - Love's Labour's Lost
2. David Davis - Much Ado About Nothing
3. Vince Cable - The Comedy Of Errors
4. Wendy Alexander - All's Well That Ends Well
5. Michael Martin - The Merry Wife Of Glasgow
Going on my theme of Shakespearean plays, I had a few other ideas:
1. James Callaghan - The Winter's Tale
2. William Hague - Measure For Measure
3. Mark Oaten - A Midsummer Night's Dream
4. Gordon Brown - Macbeth
Gordon Brown. Walking Into a Propeller.
Tony Blair. A Preen too Far.
Michael Martin. White Collar Crime Boy.
President Mugabe. The Scum Also Rises.
Michael Portillo. Un Visage a Claque.
2. Baby one more time
3. Do Somethin
4. From the bottom of my broken heart
5. My Prerogative.
Michael Martin and the Chamber of (Legally Enforced) Secrets.
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