I read with delight your decision to give up weblogging. You have been a thorn in the side of the post-Balls third way project ever since it emerged from the second way project in the 1990s, and it will bring a pre-orgasmic yelp of delight to all good socialists in the country today to see you leave the glistening and profitable pantheon of blogging to concentrate on the obscurity and financial ruin of publishing and broadcasting.
When I was informed of your decision to stop writing your disgusting website by my constituency agent, we all decided to converge on the Neil and Glenys Kinnock European Bandstand Coffee Stall to arrange the party, to celebrate your decision. Here is what we've arranged.
The Sickle East Young Socialist Cadets team will host a cake giveaway (far more egalitarian than your tory cake 'sales') in the bandstand next week. The Leonid Brezhnev Memorial Brass Band will be performing showtunes in your honor in the Working Women's Club (Remedy by Little Boots was hard for them to learn but it'll be alright on the night). This will highlight your illiberal homophobia.
The Barbara Castle Women's Body Image Working Group will hold a hilarious stand up comedy evening being honest or rude about Ann Widdecombe.
I just thought you'd like to know how much we're glad you've stopped. Fucker.
Geraldine Dreadful MP
I first met Geraldine X (as she was then known) when she was a case worker for The Hon. Comrade Frank Obfuscati.
It was after a constructive meeting in which Frank assured me that capitalism would still be legal, just very frowned upon. As I walked out of the Constituency Resistance Cell Frank's little helpers were all smiles. I later learned through a mutual friend that as I went on to the street Geraldine (always the wag) quipped 'when the revolution comes pigs like him will be the first to be shot.'
I met Frank in 1999 when Geraldine was PPS to Sir Lawrence Beria. We met in Spain where Frank had bought a vineyard. Frank told me that he wasn't surprised Geraldine had become a Blairite as (in his words) 'she was always very right wing'.
Grant, you may think that Geraldine is fiction, but hasten to the Stalin Society website. They plumb depths to which Geraldiine can but aspire.
Peter Simple, the late Michael Wharton, used to complain that his fictional characters were regularly overtaken by reality. It clearly happens to everyone!
There's a rude word in this post. What's happened to this blog?
Rude word: ...
Now that Iain has stepped aside, would it be appropriate to reveal which real-life Labour MP Geraldine Dreadful is actually based on?
I see you resisted the temptation to go out on a high note.
She's based on a few MPs actually. Geraldine Smith (former MP for Morecambe and Lunesdale) provided the droning, dreadful voice in which her letters are written. The Beast of Bolsover provided some of the rhetoric. And, interestingly (or not) some of her stuff comes straight from Tony Blair, actually culled from speeches.
She will live on beyond Iain's blog, however. She needs a rest, but she'll be back at nabidana.com and eventually her own website.
If the Socialist vadets can raise a full muster or the brass band are more than a trio then this socialist MP must be doing much better than most.
The hollowing out of membership of ALL major political parties as politics becomes ever more mutual admiration within the Westminster village is a sad sign of the death of what used to be our democracy.
What a disgusting person she is. I hope she lives the rest of her life in pain.
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