Friday, September 07, 2007

Today's Top Ten: The Jobs Gordon Didn't Offer

Today's Top Ten on Vox Politix will be TOP TEN JOBS GORDON BROWN DIDN'T OFFER JOHN BERCOW, PATRICK MERCER & MATTHEW TAYLOR. Your suggestions please.

And yesterday's final list lined up like this...

TOP TEN WAYS DAVID CAMERON WOULD BENEFIT FROM NATIONAL SERVICE

Number 10: He'd be able to let his butler go.
Number 9: He could follow in the footsteps of Mark Thatcher and get lost in the desert.
Number 8: It would cure the Army's lack of cannon fodder at a stroke.
Number 7: He'd get a tank to carry his briefcase and shoes.
Number 6: The camouflage techniques would come in handy for when he needs to be invisible.
Number 5: It would toughen up the wee lad.
Number 4: Because the ladies just love a man in uniform.
Number 3: It would improve his flip-flopping technique no end. Left, right, left, right, left, right, A-BOUUUT TURN!
Number 2: He'd get a better haircut.

And the number 1 way David Cameron would benefit from National Service: The Conservative Party might learn to march in step with each other.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm lost - what you mean 'jobs Gordon didn't offer' ?

Like 'Gordon didn't offer Patrick Mercer a job as Welsh Secretary'..

Like 'Gordon didn't offer John Bercow a job as his hairdresser..'

Hmm.. I'm struggling to see the humour potential here, to be honest..

Anonymous said...

Gordon Brown didn't offer Matthew Taylor a job as a lap-dancer..

Anonymous said...

Gordon Brown didn't offer Patrick Mercer a job as Defence Secretary, because he actually knows something about being in the army...

Anonymous said...

They weren't offered jobs in the Cabinet because Gordon just wants to royally shaft them, use them up and throw them away, to prove he is as hard as Tony Blair shafting Paddy Pantsdown..

Anonymous said...

Gordon didn't offer John Bercow a job at DEFRA because even he couldn't screw up the Single Farm Payment to the level of serial incompetence required by the Rural Payments Agency in their ongoing mission to destroy British Farming..

Richard said...

I thought the funniest one was the one about how "...because then everything DC wore would also be green".

er, but as for jobs Gordon didn't offer Bercow & co, um, he didn't leave them behind him to look after the No 10 knife drawer?

Laurence Boyce said...

Wahey, four strikes again! This is going to be tough to keep up.

Laurence Boyce said...

Mercer: Chief race relations officer.

Laurence Boyce said...

Taylor: To formulate a policy on incentives to discourage early retirement.

Laurence Boyce said...

Bercow: Secretary of State for International Development (following his defection to Labour).

HF said...

Did not offer the job of Chief Conservative Judas as he had too many candidates.

tapestry said...

Bercow - maintaining the ranks of those affected by nasal discolouration.... assisting them with stench neutralisation.

- producing digital clothing to display rapidly alternating colours.

- helping mentally unbalanced defecting Conservatives (like Q Davies) to come to terms with their treachery, and the loss of all their friends.

Valleys Mam said...

didnt offer them jobs as nannys - they would get his goat too much

Nicko said...

a job in the Treasury counting out silver into 30-piece piles.

richard, glad you liked the green clothes one - I thought it was better than my tank one, but hey. Not so much comedy potential this time.

Perhaps Top Ten Real Reasons for climate change would work?

Letters From A Tory said...

He didn't offer Patrick Mercer the job of Minister In Charge Of Race Relations.

Letters From A Tory said...

And he certainly didn't appoint Matthew Taylor as Minister For The Regulation Of Fellow Politician's Alcohol Intake, after his stint at Lib Dem Chairman.

Anonymous said...

He's got Mercer lined up for Black Rod.

mark williams said...

Drainage Inspector at Pirbright

Snafu said...

Would it be called the "Cameron Youth"!?!