political commentator * author * publisher * bookseller * radio presenter * blogger * Conservative candidate * former lobbyist * Jack Russell owner * West Ham United fanatic * Email iain AT iaindale DOT com
"Go back to your constituencies and prepare for some infighting on local committees to discuss whether we should countenance deciding whether we are ready to share power, and who that should be with..."
"Go back to your constituencies, and prepare some Ovaltine.."
"Vote for me - Or Elspeth will be round with a rolling pin.."
"Buy an apple, and you'll find out why 1894 won't be like 1894.."
"You say that I'm getting on in years - but they are fewer than the combined age of David Owen & David Steel's leadership.."
"..but I'm still fitter than that scamp Iain Dale, who likes to think that he's younger than me.."
"Better an Old Scotsman than a Young Turk.."
Oh dear. I wish I had put on those darker trousers.
I am the leader of the Lib Dems - and if you don't behave yourself, I'll set Mini-Ming onto you!
Thinks "Hmmmm. The last urinal I visited wasn't being monitored on a big screen..."
Mr Lloyd-George knew a good war when he saw one coming."Thrilling to the trumpet call of war" said the poet WN Hodgson as more than 2 million idiot patriots marched off to death and glory in the trenches.Since that great day - 4 August 1914 - every single Liberal Government has rejoiced in our peerless reputation as War Party par excellence.
"Vote for me and I'll give you £75 in a brown paper envelope." Oh sorry, wrong Scotsman, wrong party.
"You'll all be 66 one day. Let's hope you'll be able take it as well as dish it."
"Go back to your constituencies and buy Iain Dales's Guide to Political Blogging"
With Gordon as PM, even my speeches seem relatively lively.
One last heave.
"The top priority for the Liberal Democrats will be SANATOGEN! SANATOGEN! SANATOGEN!"
Where's my Werthers originals?You are all doing veeeery well.Nurse.Go back to your constituencies and prepare for unemployment.
" And to get you in the right mood, even the television picture is in sepia"
"Of course the health and safety regulations mean that when I'm finally under it this fine headstone will have to be laid on its side."
For the only time in his career, Ming Campbell towers head and shoulders over someone....
"Why have they boxed-in my Zimmer...?"
I am the very model of a modern Party Leader, I've information socialogical, psychological, and ministerial, I know the laws of England, and I quote the Bills historical From Women's Emanicipation to Maastricht, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters all political, I understand voting rights, both the simple and inscrutable, About the Labour Party's plans I'm teeming with a lots of facts plus many cheerful ideas about Lib-Lab pacts I'm very good at fudging and trimming policy as I go; And I know the telephone numbers of key editors in the media In short, in matters political, procedural, and with others in the know , I am the very model of a modern Party leader.
And it gives me great pleasure to give this award to our oldest member. Please step forward... Hang on, thats me!
Now it's time for LD karaoke!"Don't leave me this way.I can't survive..."
In space, no-one can hear you scream.
The Ming at the back is saying "I will call him Mini Ming"
This uniquely British cult of youth is ridiculous. The next president of the United States is 72 - www.ronpaul2008.com.
"Who stole my logos??? I could be anyone!"
You can't beat experience, as Mr Gladstone told me when I went round to Number 10 for tea.But I'm still "with it" I can make a joke from an early 1980's spoof soap opera, "Falcon Crest". Oh, I'm sorry its called "Soap" and another thing, Ronnie Reagan has to stop being so beastly to the Soviets.
Big cock, little cock.(In honour of Cbeebies' "Big Cook, Little Cook")
"Pardon me, but has anyone found some dentures and a bus pass lying around?"
"I shall be in the remake of Flash Gordon..."
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