How Many Bureaucrats Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

IAIN DALE IS AWAY - SHANE GREER IS STANDING IN

Or more specifically how long does it take? Well, in Parliament it would appear that it can take a very long time – 16 days in fact. How? Well let’s have a look at the process as recounted by a friend who spent over two works working in the dark in an unnamed office:

"Day 1: Place the request for a new bulb with the Parliamentary Works Directorate.

Day 3: Ring up two days later to complain at the lack of action. To my surprise the guy on the end of the phone replies that he has 14 days - yes 14!! - before the work has to be completed.

Day 4: Receive an email stating the work had been completed. I stare at the wall and the broken light bulb. More phone calls.

Day 16: 16 days and 3 phone calls later one doddery looking handymen/random guy off the street turns up, takes one look, shakes his head and decides he needs a ladder. Returns with ladder and chum in tow. More deliberation. With live current surging through the fitting he proceeds to take out a screw driver and start prodding. The two men disappear. Return with new light bulb and fit it. Cue 'and there was light jokes' from both. Job well done boys."

Another example of effective service delivery brought to you by parliament – how reassuring…