Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Top Ten Things the Conservative Mayoral Hopefuls Won't Pledge to the People of London

Our Top Ten List on Vox Politix tonight will be the TOP TEN THINGS THE CONSERVATIVE MAYORAL HOPEFULS WON'T PLEDGE TO THE PEOPLE OF LONDON. Your suggestions please...


And yesterday's top ten looked something like this:

Top ten things Zac Goldsmith ought to tax.

Number 10:  MPs whenever they appear on TV.
Number 9: Sex, but based on self-assessment.
Number 8: The hot air emitting from his mouth.
Number 7: Cow farts, as they are far more damaging to the environment than anything else.
Number 6: Fat people, for taking up more than their fair share on our overcrowded island.
Number 5: The word "green".
Number 4: Any idiot that mentions green taxes.
Number 3: People's first names, using the scoring system from Scrabble.
Number 2: Gas guzzling stuff - like the sun.

And the number 1 thing Zac Goldsmith ought to tax is: His trust fund.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Free bus travel for benefit scroungers.

Anonymous said...

Free Trafalgar Square festivals for A.N. Other Minority Group as a way of using taxpayers' funds to buy votes.

Chris Paul said...

Boris Johnson will pledge not to darken Londoners' doors unless for mischief and mayhem. Or fundraising.

He will stay in County Hall or at his Club at all times. But fear not, he shall be thinking of the people absolutely non stop.

Just like a regency Prince of Wales type figure. With all their hilarious stereotypical attributes, their great unwashed faces beaming up at him, their gin sodden and penjurist ways.


He - or his most excellent call centre - will be reachable 24/7 at just a modest premium with cash prizes for every 7000th pauper to let their fingers do the walking.

I'm sorry caller you haven't won this time. Please try again. Thanks to gulling thousands to ring this line your Mayor has been able to cut taxes on rich folk. Rejoice!

strapworld said...

1. A Fidel Castro Day.
2. A IRA Victory day.
3. A Sadam Hussein Remembrance Day.
4. Ten Minutes Silence in rememberance of the USSR.
5. A Chairman Mao Day.
6. A Uraguay Day.
7. A Venezualian Day.
8. A Bin Laden Day.
9. An Open Mosque Day.
10.No sex for Boris if
elected day!

Anonymous said...

One of the things they should pledge is to get rid of the sodding pigeons. Ken told us he'd do something about them but failed miserably.