Today's Top Ten on Vox Politix will be TOP TEN JOBS GORDON BROWN DIDN'T OFFER JOHN BERCOW, PATRICK MERCER & MATTHEW TAYLOR. Your suggestions please.
And yesterday's final list lined up like this...
TOP TEN WAYS DAVID CAMERON WOULD BENEFIT FROM NATIONAL SERVICE
Number 10: He'd be able to let his butler go.
Number 9: He could follow in the footsteps of Mark Thatcher and get lost in the desert.
Number 8: It would cure the Army's lack of cannon fodder at a stroke.
Number 7: He'd get a tank to carry his briefcase and shoes.
Number 6: The camouflage techniques would come in handy for when he needs to be invisible.
Number 5: It would toughen up the wee lad.
Number 4: Because the ladies just love a man in uniform.
Number 3: It would improve his flip-flopping technique no end. Left, right, left, right, left, right, A-BOUUUT TURN!
Number 2: He'd get a better haircut.
And the number 1 way David Cameron would benefit from National Service: The Conservative Party might learn to march in step with each other.
19 comments:
I'm lost - what you mean 'jobs Gordon didn't offer' ?
Like 'Gordon didn't offer Patrick Mercer a job as Welsh Secretary'..
Like 'Gordon didn't offer John Bercow a job as his hairdresser..'
Hmm.. I'm struggling to see the humour potential here, to be honest..
Gordon Brown didn't offer Matthew Taylor a job as a lap-dancer..
Gordon Brown didn't offer Patrick Mercer a job as Defence Secretary, because he actually knows something about being in the army...
They weren't offered jobs in the Cabinet because Gordon just wants to royally shaft them, use them up and throw them away, to prove he is as hard as Tony Blair shafting Paddy Pantsdown..
Gordon didn't offer John Bercow a job at DEFRA because even he couldn't screw up the Single Farm Payment to the level of serial incompetence required by the Rural Payments Agency in their ongoing mission to destroy British Farming..
I thought the funniest one was the one about how "...because then everything DC wore would also be green".
er, but as for jobs Gordon didn't offer Bercow & co, um, he didn't leave them behind him to look after the No 10 knife drawer?
Wahey, four strikes again! This is going to be tough to keep up.
Mercer: Chief race relations officer.
Taylor: To formulate a policy on incentives to discourage early retirement.
Bercow: Secretary of State for International Development (following his defection to Labour).
Did not offer the job of Chief Conservative Judas as he had too many candidates.
Bercow - maintaining the ranks of those affected by nasal discolouration.... assisting them with stench neutralisation.
- producing digital clothing to display rapidly alternating colours.
- helping mentally unbalanced defecting Conservatives (like Q Davies) to come to terms with their treachery, and the loss of all their friends.
didnt offer them jobs as nannys - they would get his goat too much
a job in the Treasury counting out silver into 30-piece piles.
richard, glad you liked the green clothes one - I thought it was better than my tank one, but hey. Not so much comedy potential this time.
Perhaps Top Ten Real Reasons for climate change would work?
He didn't offer Patrick Mercer the job of Minister In Charge Of Race Relations.
And he certainly didn't appoint Matthew Taylor as Minister For The Regulation Of Fellow Politician's Alcohol Intake, after his stint at Lib Dem Chairman.
He's got Mercer lined up for Black Rod.
Drainage Inspector at Pirbright
Would it be called the "Cameron Youth"!?!
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