Wednesday, September 24, 2008

And The Most Qualified Person Is...

Gordon Brown makes much of the fact that he is the only politician who is remotely qualified to get us out of the economic mess he has landed us we're in. Using his logic, I wondered about some other similarly "qualified" people, who might have overseen similar reconstructions/revamps...

1. Hitler - uniquely qualified to oversee the postwar reconstruction of Germany
2. Graham Taylor - uniquely qualified to rebuild the England team after their failure to qualify for the 1994 World Cup.
3. Adam Applegarth - uniquely qualified to bring the glory days back to Northern Rock.
4. Robert Maxwell - uniquely qualified to rebuild the Daily Mirror Pension Fund.

Feel free to suggest other appropriate people...

37 comments:

James D said...

5) Network Rail and other animals: uniquely qualified to run Britain's railways, after failing to maintain the track properly.

Anonymous said...

So Gordon's jibe has hit home!

Cameron and Osbourne haven't done an honest job in their lives, just professional politicians (cf: Peter Oborne) sponging off the tax payer. As is Gordon of course.

Andy said...

Robert Mugabe - to remain president of Zimbabwe and oversee the recovery from economic disaster....oops, he is!

Anonymous said...

Ruth Kelly "to look after the kids"

So much for the drive to send single mothers out to work when their youngest get to the age of seven - typical Labour double standards.

Chris said...

Gary Glitter to run his gang

Ross said...

In these troubled times we can't afford a leader with no experience, we need a proven incompetent.

Did the Titanic change captains mid voyagee? No.

Anonymous said...

Go steady Iain.
You've gone from yesterday's furious sulk to today's plain silly.
You're hacked off.
We get it.
You'll be able to indulge in a sublime Tory love-in next week.
Move on.

Claudius Mycroft said...

Iain Dale;

Best qualified to advise anyone on how to win a resounding election victory....

Alan Douglas said...

Ian Huntley and Thomas Hamilton - family bereavement counsellors

Gordon Brown - pensions advisor

Alan Douglas

Man in a Shed said...

I believe he's deploying the Charles Clarke defence - only I know how to fix it as only I could have screwed up like this.

So its got to be Charles Clarke.

PS Its interesting that one of Brown's greatest mistakes - neutering the Bank of England - was made in his first week in the first real job he'd ever had.

Anonymous said...

...to offer medical care on the NHS are..

...there, there now. It will all be all right. I'm Nurse Benjamin Geen and Doctor Amit Misra and I will be looking afer you today.

Anonymous said...

The FSA - uniquely qualified to monitor the solvency of banks

John Prescott - uniquely qualified to enforce smooth and uncomplicated refuse collection

Arthur Scargill - uniquely qualified to organise the next generation of coal fired power stations

Lord Kinnock of Gravytrain - uniquely qualified to root out financial irregularity in the EU

Nick Clegg - uniquely qualified to lead a party with incoherent policies that they will never get the chance to implement

Lord Elvis of Paisley said...

Edward John Smith in charge of the Royal Navy

Anonymous said...

Kate McCann to run a babysitting service

Mike Law said...

George W. Bush and Tony Blair to reconstruct Iraq and oversee the development of democracy in that country.

Bob Piper said...

David Davis and his 'Chief of Staff'.... uniquely qualified to lead the Conservative Party into oblivion.

In Like Flynn said...

Sir Ian Blair, uniquely qualified to clear up crime on public transport.

Noel Gallagher and George Michael, uniquely qualified to clear up the use of drugs in public loos.

Anonymous said...

Tony Blair and George Bush - uniquely qualified to bring peace to the middle East.

The Visigoths, the Vandals and the Gauls - uniquely qualified to rebuild Rome.

Surely Hitler would be uniquely qualified to lead a German-Jewish reconciliation committee. Maybe Pontius Pilote uniquely qualified to become the Pope.

Stalin and Hitler - uniquely qualified to run holiday camps (so long as you like the odds of never returning home).

GM said...

Anthony Eden - most qualified person to run foreign policy after Churchill.
A.J.Balfour - superbly well qualified to be prime minister after uncle Bob.
Herbert Hoover - the wonder-kid of US politics, Commerce Secretary in two previous administrations, absolutely on top of economic policy and able to deal brilliantly with.......the Great Depression.

Novices might include such failures as T. Blair and JFK, and perhaps Angela Merkel as well. Truly, Brown made a great point!

Anonymous said...

David Cameron - Uniquely qualified to put an end to spin and PR stunts in politics.

Anonymous said...

Peter Mandelson - uniquely qualified to bring London 2012 in on budget.

Ken Livingstone - uniquely qualified to run Boris's review of mismanagemnt in the last London Mayor's regime.

Anonymous said...

Lembit O'Prick - uniquely qualified to be president of the Libido Dems

James Ellerington said...

Iain Dale - uniquely qualified to offer advice on getting through a selection interview for a winnable Conservative seat.

Lola said...

The Labour Party - uniquely qualified to run the country.

The Conservative Party - uniquely qualified to run the country.

The Libdems - uniquely qualified to run the country

UKIP - uniquely qualified to run the country

The Communist Party - uinquely qualified to run the country

The Monster Raving Loony Party - uniquely qualified...


....well, you get the picture.

Iain Dale said...

James, very amusing, but in the last Parliament I applied for 7 seats, was interviewed by all of them and got the to the second round or the final in them all. And was selected for N Norfolk.

This time round I applied for three seats - got interviews in them all, but pulled out of one.

I am not applying for any more seats at the moment due to work commitments.

John Moss said...

Gordon Brown, debt counsellor.

Claudius Mycroft said...

OK,James was wrong.

He should have said Iain Dale, for advice on how to regain a seat which was a Tory stronghold for thirty years & is held by a Lib Dem with a razor thin majority.....

Anonymous said...

Has no one mentioned Gerald Ratner yet?

Claudius Mycroft said...

Guido Fawkes, to advise on road safety perhaps?Or maybe as an al-anon adviser?

Phil Hendren (aka Dizzy) to advise on the merits of the TPS system?

Tim Ireland to advise sufferers of obssessive/compulsive disorder?(I don't want Iain thinking I'm Tim Ireland!)

Cleethorpes Rock said...

Gordon Brown is uniquely qualified to run the country in the same way Harold Shipman is uniquely qualified to run Granny's doctor's surgery.

Guanabat said...

No time for a novice. I'll take it that His support for Senator Obama has been greatly exaggerated then.

Lord Elvis of Paisley said...

Boris Johnson as a hair stylist

Anonymous said...

Harold Shipman, ambassador for help the aged. (okay, that's not original)

Anonymous said...

I think you are a bit harsh on Adam Applegarth - afterall, he managed to pick two out of 4 semifinalists in cricket's 2020 comp. Ok, Newcastle Utd. wasn't such a good choice, but it could have been worse (spurs?)

Anonymous said...

Sir Clive Sinclair to relaunch his C5 (now eco-friendlier than ever) and to make it a hit, ensuring that Lembit Opik dons a bicycle helmet and rides a yellow coloured one in London, with the press in attendance of course.

The Kinnocks to model next season's Burberry mack collection on a beach (for a large fee of course).

Ruth Kelly and Fiona Phillips to jointly found a charitable trust for "Mums who want to be there for their babies and toddlers". (Did you spot Fi in the conference audience enjoying Gordy's speech?)

Gordon Brown to author a book, sorry, novel, entitled "The End of Boom and Bust in the Economy: How I Did It".

Anonymous said...

The Tories - uniquely qualified as paragons of financial morality, personal probity, and advocates of social justice and fairness.

Anonymous said...

Margaret Hodge - uniquely qualified to be Minister for Children.........