10. Close your eyes and pretend I'm Tony Blair.
9. You know what they say about guys with huge portfolios?
8. Is that a composite motion in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
7. Something's rising, and I'm not talking about the PSBR.
6. That's not my hand, but don't stop shaking.
5. I'm a close personal friend of Ed Miliband.
4. I'm stiffer than Des Browne
3. Would you like to see my inflation package?
2. I'd love to give you a standing ovation.
1. Hi, my name's Jack Straw.
With apologies to David Letterman