Saturday, September 20, 2008

Top Ten Chat Up Lines Overheard at Labour Conference

10. Close your eyes and pretend I'm Tony Blair.
9. You know what they say about guys with huge portfolios?
8. Is that a composite motion in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
7. Something's rising, and I'm not talking about the PSBR.
6. That's not my hand, but don't stop shaking.
5. I'm a close personal friend of Ed Miliband.
4. I'm stiffer than Des Browne
3. Would you like to see my inflation package?
2. I'd love to give you a standing ovation.
1. Hi, my name's Jack Straw.

With apologies to David Letterman

18 comments:

Nick R Thomas said...

As opposed to non-chat up lines, such as 'Get your coat - we want a different leader'.

J said...

Terrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Daily Referendum said...

Fancy joining me for a little EDM?

Bad Bunny said...

"10. Close your eyes and pretend I'm Tony Blair."
I've just lost my dinner!

dick the prick said...

Good man; Hollywood. I think Brown can make it. (for 23 months)

Newmania said...

Next time I tell you I am working class can you save the orgasm for later


And later that night …….

Public Spending up55% in real terms …..
Oh yeah that’s good
National debt £26,000 per household
Yes yes yes
Public Sector Pay up 40% more than private
Its sooo big
Over £100 billion in PFI hidden debt
Oh god oh god
How much extra on public services ?
SAY IT!
Over One…
ONE ..OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH.

Which is ?

A TRILLLION !!!

this'll wind him up said...

Why do gay men always think innuendo is so funny? Personally, I think it went out with the Carry On films which look incredibly dated now. Observations/criticisms welcome.

Scrobs said...

That Harry Potter bloke who's just funded us a million notes - didn't he write the Singing Detective?

tachybaptus said...

Almost as funny as Rich and Mark.

Anonymous said...

Are you being serious Iain? Are these conferences really such a dating/shagfest bonanza that there is actually a "top ten" of the number of chat up lines doing the rounds?

I'm in danger of either pissing myself or losing my dinner at the mental imagery!

Put me out of my misery, are you taking the piss or did you actually overhear these?

Anonymous said...

tachybaptus....as funny as a fire in an orphanage

The Lakelander said...

"Hi, I'm the blogger Chris Paul and this is your lucky day..."

I say this because he's the only left of centre blogger who doesn't censor any of the comments I leave on his blog and so has earned his place on my blog roll.

And I perceive that he's gasping for a good shag.

the great leader said...

11: Hi I'm Gordon Brown and we can win the next election

j.k. pothead said...

hi - shag me and I'll give you a million quid

carry on shagging said...

"Why do gay men always think innuendo is so funny? Personally, I think it went out with the Carry On films which look incredibly dated now. Observations/criticisms welcome."

yes but what about babs windsor's jubblies in carry on camping :P :P oooo errr mrs :P :P

tachybaptus said...

Anon 11.22 (aka either Rich or Mark):

That's the third time you've used that line. Do think of a new one.

Nick R Thomas said...

this'll wind him up: if you want an explanation of why innuendo is funny then perhaps someone will be happy to give you one.

Diablo said...

Jack Straw" "Hi, my name's Jack Straw".

Victim: "I wouldn't be seen dead with you."

Jack Straw" "Whatever it takes. Fancy a drink?"