Yesterday afternoon I asked for suggestions for a Top Ten List of Reasons Why Michael Ancram Should Be Taken Outside And Shot. Here is the final list...
Number 10: So he knows how the grouse feel.
Number 9: Because we need to discourage the aristocracy from overbreeding.
Number 8: To put him out of my misery.
Number 7: Because the House of Commons fossil collection is already large enough.
Number 6: Because he believes in heaven, so we'd be doing him a huge favour.
Number 5: Because it would make it easier to gain access to his lovely daughters.
Number 4: Because his writing is staggeringly dull and pretentious.
Number 3: Pour encorager les autres
Number 2: Because we couldn't lay our hands on Bob Crow.
And the number 1 reason Michael Ancram should be taken outside and shot is: Because shooting him inside would mean that you'd have to repaint the walls.
Now for those of you who have a collective sense of humour failure, this is done in the style of David Letterman's Top Ten Lists, which are funny, sardonic and often ironic.