Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Top Ten Political Chat Up Lines

1 Would you like to see the contents of my despatch box?
2 Have you ever had a whip?
3 Hello, I’m David Mellor
4 I’ve asked Angie to join us, you don’t mind do you?
5 I’ve asked Bobby to join us, you don’t mind do you?
6 I’m so depressed about the world crisis I really don’t think I should spend tonight alone
7 In your honour I’m naming 2007 the International Year of the Babe
8 Hello, I'm Lembit Opik
9 Ever done it in the lobby?
10 You know what they say about Black Rod?

Coming soon to this blog: Top Ten Labour, LibDem and Tory chat up lines. Feel free to offer suggestions in the Comments... I may live to regret this...

UPDATE: Dave's Part blog had the Top Ten Trotskist Chat Up Lines HERE. The final four are...

4. That secondhand donkey jacket of yours would look great on my bedroom floor.

3. What's a nice girl like you doing in a lousy union fraction like this?

2. Do you sell papers here often?

1. So, babe ... just how degenerate would your ideal workers' state be?

34 comments:

JAK said...

Peace is a Jewish family and a Moslem family exchanging Xmas cards

Anonymous said...

1, glass coffee tables are not "so 70's"
2, Did you know that blind men have huge cocks?
3,Yo Blair ! bend over you're gonna love this.

Anonymous said...

Are you open for polling?

Anonymous said...

Not political- Your eyes are like spanners, every time you look at me I can feel my nuts tighten.

Anonymous said...

Your Father must have been a communist, he stole the stars from the sky and put them in everybody's eyes.

Anonymous said...

'Do you fancy coming to the [Science / Natural History / British ] museum ?

Delete as appropriate...

So Labour's policy of free access has at least achieved something..

Anonymous said...

What about...

"So, do you swing both ways?"

or

"Have you seen the size of my majority?"

Anonymous said...

Lembit - Do you want to fly in my plane ?

Prezza - Fancy a spin in a jag love? Yes ? Which one !!

Steve Norris - Would you like to come on a trip in a lorry ? No ?
What about a trip to an Oyster Bar?

Ken Livingstone ? Would you like a trip on an 'Oyster Card'....

Boris - Do you want a ride on the back of my bike ?

james higham said...

Do the Tory Chat Up Lines first.

Peter Black said...

I reckon Lembit must invite them to inspect his telescope.

Anonymous said...

"Boris - Do you want a ride on the back of my bike ? "

punctuation problems. Surely:

Boris - "What Do you want a ride on the back of, my bike?"

loveandgarbage said...

Tommy Sheridan: I'm the king of the swingers.

PS He is using this as the theme to his new radio show in Scotland

John Prescott: And if you think that's big you should see my composite motion.

Anonymous said...

james - fair point mr higham, but i just wanted a touch of the compare and contrast...

talking of which, there must be some kind of a common theme across the parties ?

after all, one can scarcely believe that 'Gabby' wanted to know views on PR before selecting which man she wanted to date ?

Newmania said...

No no you aren’t giving me your body , its just a loan....

To Gisela Stuart (now Bosch-kraut)- What’s a nice girl like you doing in a nasty Party like Nu lab

To Frances Maude- What’s a nasty person like you doing ain a nice party like this



Heard the one about John Prescott Skating
No
Well at least it broke the ice

Cameron : I like policy light enviro baby kissing and fatuous image obsessed followership
Liberals : We’ve got so much in common lets have little pacts together

OK David do you love me or not
Its to early to say


Levy - Sorry you a little short for me
Donor - I look a lot taller standing on my Wallet


Blimey , you could go on couldn’t you , but i won`t

Anonymous said...

I'm not called Big Ben for nothing.

Anonymous said...

Gordon: "Would you like a ride on my rocking horse?"

Mandelson: "Do you like my Brazilian?"

Blair: "They used to call me Emily you know"

Ron Davies: "Do you fancy coming up the common to look for badgers, boyo?"

Chris P said...

Not for this strand really - but I've posted a Hazel Blears Motorbike Gallery just for you Iain.

Louise said...

In all honesty I had this one at the Conservative conference one year - "My room is across the hall from John Major's - would you like to see?".

It is when John Major was still PM, so that's something at least....

Anonymous said...

Are you phased-DC or AC ?

ghost of john trenchard said...

"hello Gabriella, i am a cheeky boy. can i touch your bum?"

Anonymous said...

Did you go for it Louise( Bet ya `did ya saucy minx)

Anonymous said...

Immigrant workers, do the jobs that natives spurn.

http://rightlinks.co.uk/linked/modules/wordpress/index.php?p=124

Lagwolf said...

"Do have a bit of libertarian in you? You want some?"

Louise said...

Newmania - my minxiness is not quite that saucy. The delights of seeing the bedroom across the hall from the PM were not for me that evening. But I like the story.

Anonymous said...

Would you like to stay in the country ?( on a cheeky holiday hey!)

Come back to my place and I `ll show you the size of my PFI debt.

I know what I`m suggesting is technically illegal but you must weighing that against the wider public interest can I do it anyway ..Puuuuuleeeeaaazzze !!

..I`ve got CCTV set up in my room . ( no need for face recognition ..yuk yuk....)


You`ve got the last free parking zone in the country ,I` ve got a bloody great sports utility vechile .......lets raise the temperature !!


and on and on I go . I cannot imagine why such an astonishingly handsome young fellow as Lag wolf would need to say anything at all.(
Pictures of self carefully hidden...ahem)

Anonymous said...

Good for you Louise who wants to see Major anyway, he`d only be doing something dull like having a Currie


what?....

Anonymous said...

At party conference...

Fancy some Brighton/Blackpool/Bournemouth rock?

Jimbo Jones said...

person 1: I hear you like it rough?

person 2: what?"!

person 1: i said that was a great speech by peter luff

Jimbo Jones said...

person 2: What>? How dare You???

Person 1: what.... i just said that i would love to work for crispin blunt

Anonymous said...

You want to experiment ? I`ve had my ring on the finger of a cheeky girl.

He : Gimme gimme bint
She: You just lost your chance forever
He : Thats the last time Dale writes my lines

Apols Iain

I have some growth in my trousers woud you like to share it ?



He:I`ll be anyone you want me to be
She:Dave I `m your wife not a Liberal voter .





He:I `m going to treat you the way NewLabour have treated Middle England
She:Thank god for that I could do with being properly ............oh finish it yourselves.

He:My name is Boris Johnson
She: Waffle me senseless

Gordon: Sex or speech , you choose.


I promise to be careful,with my emmissions


Right that really is it...one last longiong glance at Lag Wolf and i `m off for Egg Nog and moaning

Anonymous said...

Margaret! Is that a brief in your trousers, or are you pleased to see me?

FRED said...

Im a Tory, I only read the Torygaygraph.

Anonymous said...

Hello, I am a Liberal Democrat. We never come first.

Sycko Fresh said...

HEY IM FANTOM. FIRST TIME INTO POLOTICS. CONSIDER MYSELF AN INDEPENDANT. THINK BOTH DEMOCRAT AND REPUBILICAN IDEOLOGIES ARE IDIOTIC.