Monday, December 18, 2006

A Perfect Cliffmas Present

The perfect Christmas present for all the family to enjoy, and just think how happy you would make Sir Cliff if his single got to Number 1 this week? He's had a Number 1 in each decade since the 1950s, but hasn't had one this decade yet. Twenty First Century Christmas entered the Singles Chart at Number 2 yesterday. Go on, do your duty and buy it HERE. You know you want to.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great plan to push the 'copyright' extension ahead a few years.

Just think if this was the No 1, Cliff would still be earning royalties on it in 2097 if Mr Tony scratches his back.

Or for 70 years after Mr Richard has joined the 'choir invisible' if the law is aligned with the continent's.

So that might be until 2179..

leon said...

Never! I'd rather drink car battery acid.

Cranmer said...

As much as His Grace may derive great pleasure from seeing his good friend Sir Cliff reach No.1, he regrets that the realities of marketing ('pop spin') will ensure that Leona is in the No.1 slot for Christmas. To be top of the pops is no longer about meritocratic principles like talent or ability, but much more concerned with engineering and manipulation - a little like the selection process for Conservative candidates.

Leona is, however, a muse from God - one of the most talented individuals His Grace has had the fortune to behold.

Andrew Kennedy said...

"Move It" with Cliff Richard and Brian May.

...sounds like an aerobics CD for arthritic octogenarians.

Croydonian said...

Whoever would have thought that His Grace knew of these people?

Anonymous said...

I wonder which Lib Dem MP puts the most butter on his parsnip? Maria Schneider might know?

wrinkled weasel said...

I have a sentimental attachment to Cliff and Move It is undeniably a terrific pop record. Younger friends express surprise that this, and the first few records are Cliff, since they only know him for the utter shite he has pumped out over the years, including the execrable "Lord's Prayer".

The first record I ever bought was "Nine Times Out of Ten" - about the second or third single after "Move It"

I used to stand in front of the mirror and pretend to be Cliff.
Mrs Weasel still insists on it on special occasions.

Sir Bentley Pauncefoot said...

I confess that both I and my very splendid cleaning person, Mrs Slope, have a soft spot for Sir Cliff.

However mine is the Goodwin Sands.

bt said...

'Move it'?
I remember that from back in the days when Cliff was covered in acne which in turn was plastered with pancake make-up. Gruesome.

Those who forget history are forced to repeat it. Well, I haven't forgotten, so I can give this one a miss, thanks very much.

And from later years a perceptive graffito:
"Cliff Richard is covered in love-bites - mostly self-inflicted."

Richard Dale said...

Please, God, no! Never, ever give anyone an excuse for playing Cliff Richard records ever again. The man can sing, but never knowingly sang any song with any merit! I was driven out of WHSmith on Saturday because they started to play his revolting Christmas song from years ago - and that it stands out among the dreadful Christmas music as being so painful really says a lot.

Cranmer said...

Whoever would have thought that His Grace knew of these people?

Mr Croydonian,

Returning after a 450-year absence necessitated a crash course in the dynamics of modern and postmodern culture. The first thing was to ascertain the latest printing press (=blogging), the second was to identify the means of communicating the real meaning of the Incarnation to the masses (=Cliff), and the third is to bring to the attention of Parliament the religio-political tensions inherent in the modern world, and to offer solutions without being burned again (=still working on this one).

Vienna Woods said...

"Move It" was the first and last good song that Cliff Richard sang. His group, "The Shadows", were also terribly third rate compared to American bands of the day. I'll never forget nearly dying of embarrassment when he was doing his banana-legs dance at the finals of the Eurovision Song Contest - what a pillock! Over recent years he seems to think that his painful sheep-neutering style is attractive - I've got news for him - it makes my teeth itch.

Tom Paine said...

Presumably the lyrics have been rewritten so that now they refer to the moment Cliff realised Tony had let him down on the "Villas for Copyrights" deal and called him up in Barbados to let him know how he felt?

griswold said...

I think Sir Cliff should be sent to House of Lords for services to the freebie holiday industry. I wonder whether Lord Cashpoint ever tried to tap him for an upgrade?

proud to be anonymous said...

Noel Coward was spot-on: "Extraordinary how potent cheap music is." But it seems surprising to have Cranmer claiming Sir Cliff as his good friend, given his opinion in 1544 that: "They that be cunning in singing can make a much more solemn note thereto." Perhaps His Grace has mellowed over the years.

The jabberwock said...

If the tabloids are to be believed, Sir Cliff Richard has on a number of occasions allowed Ahab and Jezebel, a.k.a. Telflon Tone and Cruella Deville, to have the use of one or more of his homes as a 'free' holiday let. That is reason enough for me to boycott any future albums. (He ought to have a Minister of the Gospel cast the demons out of every room they inhabited.)

Cranmer said...

Mr Proud to be Anonymous,

His Grace exhorts you to neither misrepresent nor misquote him, since the context of your aforementioned quotation is preceded by:

...if Your Grace command some devout and solemn note to be made thereunto (as it is to the procession which Your Majesty hath already set forth in English) I trust it will much excitate and stir the hearts of all men unto devotion and godliness.

Singing is not the objection, but the need for an assurance that it will stir the hearts of men toward godliness. In this pursuit, Sir Cliff stands head and shoulders above the generally degenerate of his profession.

Vienna Woods said...

cranmer wrote:

"Sir Cliff stands head and shoulders above the generally degenerate of his profession."

Attempting to form a letter"O" with his legs while bleating "Power to all my friends" didn't exactly endear him to anyone and I don't trust anybody claiming to be Holy and whiter than white. Right from the emulated Elvis sneer during his early career (obviously false as he's miraculously lost it over the years). Anyway, I'm still not sure of his true gender!

Anonymous said...

The perfect Christmas present for all the family to enjoy

Providing they have no interest in music whatsoever.

Lawrence said...

I would have thought the fact that Cliff has had a no 1 single in each of the last 5 decades is reason enough not to buy his latest effort.

vikki said...

Quite so Croydonian

proud to be anonymous said...

I quail at Cranmer’s stern admonition. Nonetheless, several years ago while the Archbishop was still disporting himself in celestial climes and may not have been paying attention, Sir Cliff’s spontaneous attempts to excitate and stir the hearts of all men unto devotion and godliness during a rainswept Wimbledon resulted in mass hysteria as thousands of trapped fans tried to escape from the stadium. Dogs howled in the streets and countless telescreens shattered spontaneously, the length and breadth of Her Majesty’s domain. I must conclude that Maria would be a better soulmate for His Grace, at least vocally.

Anonymous said...

He's a granny's man and hasn't made a decent record since 1959.

Personally, I'll be going for the Cheeky Girls. Lemsip is predicting they will produce the biggest riser of the month

wrinkled weasel said...

Cliff has been an inspiration to me.

I sing these lyrics when driving hither and thither, and find myself behind a giant four by four during the school run:-

"She's just a stupid woman
with nothing on her mind"

Eursoc Two said...

Ugh I'd rather die.