Friday, July 28, 2006

Top Ten Things for John Prescott To Do When Minding the Shop

10. Make it rain
9. Sort out the Home Office
8. Solve the probably railways strike
7. Manage to avoid touching up office staff
6. Avoid any kind of TV or radio interview
5. Hide Hazel Blears & Jacqui Smith in a cupboard
4. Sell the stetson on Ebay
3. Sort out the Middle East
2. Divert Israeli bombers to Barbados so the temporary job turns into something a little more permanent
1. (In the end) Resign


shergar said...

Is it true, Iain, that in this robust demoacracy, the demcractically elected DPM is refusing to reveal his summer appointments out of craven fear that the hated and feared voters will turn up to heckle and laugh?

Perhaps you could find out where he's going to be, when, and publish for all to see.

Anonymous said...

No. 2 is easy to achieve. Just tell the stupid oaf that Barbados has a Tory government.

Anonymous said...

I'm quite surprised The Sun headline today wasnt :_
Prezza's in charge, Would the last Person leaving Britain please turn out the light.

Hughes Views said...

Are "probably railways" all that's left after John Major's botched privatisation?!

Anonymous said...

Surely as chairman of COBRA his first job will be to convene a meeting about the greatest danger facing us, his control of the remains of our once great country.

Alfie said...

11) Take a crash course in learning English.

12) Donate his jowls to science.

Ross said...

Tony Blair will be baffled when he gets back and finds that Rosie Winterton has been promoted to Foreign Secretary. Well maybe not Foregn Secretary, she prefers domestic affairs I beleive.

Praguetory said...

Ten things? He's not there til the end of the year is he?

Anonymous said...

When Tone's away, surely all that's called for is an answering machine that says:

"Thank you for calling about your impending/actual crisis/disaster/bimbo eruption/global warming/asteroid impact/global thermonuclear war/price of fish. As many of you will be aware, this desk is normally closed during August, and since the office of Deputy Prime Minister was abolished due to lack of support and falling into disrepute, we now advise callers with urgent problems to contact our Head Office at the White House, Washington DC, USA where the matter would normally be decided in the end anyway.

"Police officers wishing to make an appointment to interview the Prime Minister under caution are advised that there is now a waiting list for this service and they must make a personal visit to the tradesman's entrance at 10 Downing Street (rear entrance) where they have to take the next ticket off the numbered ticket roll they will find there and wait until they are called. Estimated waiting time is currently six months but we are working to extend that.”

Anonymous said...

No 11 - Get Rosie Winterton out of the Closet?

Anonymous said...

Alfie: (11) Take a crash.

Why elaborate?

Anonymous said...

He can't be any worse than Tony Blair. I've just watched TB at the White House press conference in his favourite role as aspiring world statesman. Nothing JP does or says can ever be as embarrassing as this ham actor.

Anonymous said...

So now you are using the phrase "Israeli bombers."

I sense that maybe you are now seeing sense and condemn the atrocities upon innocent people in Lebanon.


Anonymous said...

Totally off topic but I too saw our 'Tone' at the White House press conference with George 'Dubaya'
Has our beloved leader had a hair tint? Couln't stop looking at his two tone (no pun intended) hair! Looks dreadful, must have been a home job! Perhaps Grecian 2000 mid chestnut shade?

Anonymous said...

Talking of minding the shop, The Sun reported him getting annoyed when he went shopping and thought he saw his name on a loaf of bread. On a closer look he realised it actually said Thick Cut.