Saturday, January 06, 2007

Top Ten Tory Chat Up Lines

Here's the latest in my SERIES of political chat-up lines - it's the Conservatives' turn...

1. Yo Blair! Bend over you're gonna love this...
2. Can I share the proceeds of this growth with you?
3. I've got a unique way of protecting the vulnerable
4. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
5. How would you like to shadow my portfolio?
6. Is your name Tamzin Lightwater?
7. I’m so depressed about the A List I really don’t think I should spend tonight alone
8. I'm really not gay, no really, no, no... oh go on then...
9. Francis is always urging us to increase our members
10. Would you like to come up and watch the Parliamentary Channel with me some time?

Can you do better? The Comments Section awaits...

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

Go on... try it. Mark Oaten brought it back from Cologne. said it works miracles as a Herr Restorer!

Anonymous said...

There's plenty of clear blue water in my hot-tub, darlin'.

Anonymous said...

What is long, hard and got blue running through it.

Anonymous said...

And the replies....


"2. Can I share the proceeds of this growth with you?"

Is your growth similar to Gordon's forecasts?

"4. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

If you're thinking about how boring you're, yes

"7. I’m so depressed about the A List I really don’t think I should spend tonight alone"

Can I introduce you to the lovely Ann Widdecombe who is free to spend the night chatting with you about the wrongs of the A List?

"8. I'm really not gay, no really, no, no... oh go on then..."

But I'm a lesbian. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

You know, I'm 'polling' better than ever...

Anonymous said...

I have a huge majority

Praguetory said...

As we are both Tories do you agree that we need to move from public to private.

NB - I bet you've used/heard of few of yours, Iain. V good.

Anonymous said...

Would you like to come up and watch the Parliamentary Channel with me some time? It's House of Lords Highlights !

Anonymous said...

Lets have our own sleaze scandal.

Paul Burgin said...

No 3 being my favourite, but I am not sure what my girlfriend would think of No 10!
That goes for No 10 on the list as well ;)

Anonymous said...

No, you misheard... He said you were supposed to 'tug a woody'.

Anonymous said...

Well Gordons Gordon

Anonymous said...

How about, "Does prison work"?

Anonymous said...

Those Tory chat-up lines in full...

1 We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and strength in the air, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds.... or would you prefer a quiet drink somewhere?

2 Would you like to come in and see my charcoal etching of Stanley Baldwin?

3 Never underestimate the determination of a quiet man

4 Er, that's it

Anonymous said...

Fahrenheit gets my vote.

Absolute Genius.

Anonymous said...

To Daily Referendum @ 12.57 -

I dunno what you've been doing with that thing, but it's starting to turn green.

Anonymous said...

what are you prepared to do for Queen and Country?

Anonymous said...

"You'll be impressed by the size of my swing"

Anonymous said...

So... do you like Brown?

Iain Dale said...

Geoffers, I think you are mistaking this for the LibDem chatup thread...

Anonymous said...

(10) Do they do it like they do in the Parliamentary Channel?

Anonymous said...

-- Are you swinging to the right, or are you just pleased to see me?

-- That's not what I'd call a "marginal" seat.

-- Fancy a snog? [just historically accurate]

One for a lib dem conference bar-room pick-up:

-- I thought you handled that motion superbly, Mark.

Anonymous said...

Just lie back and think of Europe.

*is ashamed*

Anonymous said...

My member has just joined the "Better off in" movement.Will you stand against him?

They are making homosexuality compulsory next year so we may have little time to lose.

No honestly the dangerous dogs act had nothing to do with this.

My position is unaltered ..can we have change please

BJ said...

"I'm not afraid of your clunking fist, if that's what you're wondering"

Anonymous said...

I look a lot taller standing on my wallet.

Think of me as your Saddam Hussein . I AM WELL HUNG

Anonymous said...

"Going soft? Not right now love".

Anonymous said...

"Yes, Cameron and I are regular cyclists. So next time you fancy a ride you can use my helmet"

Anonymous said...

Dear Tory flirt,

As a long life Tory boy and one who regularly enjoys it up the tootsie whilst at Conservative Party conventions, here is a few chat up lines I have heard for real:

1. Can I put my Major in your Thatcher?

2. Whats in your Portilo dear boy?

3. Maggie liked it up their, why dont you old chap?

Yours excitedly,
Prof Scrub
http://www.scrubbingup.com/blogs/profscrub/blog.asp

Anonymous said...

Tory women expect words these days? I knew a non-tory girl who was invited to a tory 'do'. On arrival she was introduced to the tory boy host who instantly grabbed her genitals. Not being tory totty she naturally reacted by kicking him in his genitals. Has someone allowed tory girls to get rights or something? I'm shocked. Oh wait, the words must be for boys.

Anonymous said...

I have a feeling some of this is likely to end up all over the diary pages of the Mirror. However, I always found this worked OK.

"Boys, I like boys, preferably well oiled". (with a nod to W C Fields)

Philipa said...

1. Do you know who I am? (another steal from NuLab)

2. Yes we support the married family. Er.. when's your husband due back??

3. Societal breakdown is all the fault of single mothers, are you single? That's very interesting.

4. Of course women working started all the problems, they should be in the home, like you, it's so attractive, let me take you to dinner. No my children are at boarding school and my wife is at a charity dinner, I have all night.

5. I went to Eton (kisses hand, lays cloak over puddle, etc)

6. Allow me to top you up my dear.

7. I'm meeting Andrew Neil, wanna come?

Anonymous said...

for shameful abuse of a parliamentary pass,

"would you like me to take you up the commons?"