Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Top Ten Things I Would Never Do...

The Telegraph has had a lot of letters lately suggesting clubs its readers would never join. Today they even have a page 3 feature on it. So I thought I'd compile my Top Ten Things I Would Never Do...

10. Join the Carlton Club until they admit full women members
9. Take advice on social policy from Polly Toynbee (gasp...)
8. Take any notice of anonymous blog posters
7. Ever go to White Hart Lane again
6. Grow a beard (I tried once. Too ginger...)
5. Get a tattoo or a metal 'appendage' of any description
4. Vote to join the Euro
3. Take any soft or hard drug
2. Shout 'Pardew Out'
1. Run for Mayor of London

And to start a Blog Meme, I'm now going to tag the following 10 bloggers to repeat the exercise! Rachel North, Dave Hill, Paul Linford, Tim Worstall, Kerron Cross, Stephen Tall, Jonathan Calder, Nich Starling, Dizzy, Danny Finkelstein.


Anonymous said...

are you sure you'd never ever shout "Pardew out"!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

10. Wear a Che t-shirt.

9. Turn my back on Israel.

8. See the new James Bond film.

7. Fly BA.

6. Read a single word written by Al Gore, Jimmy Carter, John Kerry or Bill Clinton.

5. Vote to join the euro.

4. Say a derogatory word about our Union flag.

3. Approve of reverse discrimination and/or quotas.

2. Watch any part of an Olympic Game.

1. Shake hands with Tony Blair or any of his cohorts, including Cherie and Euan.

Anonymous said...

No use ignoring us anonymouses (Point 8). We are the future. In revolt against this Government's insistence on identifying us, tagging us, monitoring us and so forth, we shall multiply in our faceless millions and take over the entire blogosphere. World domination will be ours, and resistance is useless.

Incidentally, why do you always insist on making lists in reverse order? Is it a personal fetish?

Anonymous said...

Please take no notice of this

Anonymous said...

Re 8 (anonymous posts): you will have ignored the most perceptive comment about Sandi Toksvig (that she would be more likely to win in Winchester).

On the other hand it is very gracious of you to let us see these posts even if you ignore them yourself.

Anonymous said...

Don’t suppose the serious footballing fraternity are likely to care much if you shout Pardew in , out, or indeed, shake it all about . I can believe any or all of these.

I expect you are right about running for mayor it has that nasty taint of democracy about it , why would anyone on the A list bother with that.( Although you would be good). .

On the subject of hair colour I noticed on the photo of your anti ideology diatribe it looks rather different to the rich chestnut on display here. Iwouldn`t be so sure the beard would come out ginger now .Time is so cruel

Anonymous said...

On a related note of things one shouldn't do, perhaps, Iain, you could tell us why Ann Widdecombe has agreed to host Have I Got News for You?

Anonymous said...

That would be anonymice. And we might just about manage world dominoes.

Archbishop Cranmer said...

10 things His Grace would never do:

Convert to Catholicism
Convert to Islam
Convert to Judaism
Convert to Hinduism
Convert to Sikhism
Convert to Buddhism
Convert to Jainism
Convert to Scientology
Become an Atheist
Vote Labour

Johnny Norfolk said...


I think you are missing the point.
Its not about what you will not do in the future its about what you have not done in the past to date.

I have never worn blue denim jeans what have you never done ?

Anonymous said...

1. Pay good money to watch the Current England rugby team.
2. Ditto their football team.
3. Change the subject when kicked beneath table by wife.
4. Eat Danish factory bacon.
5. Eat battery eggs with any bacon.
6. Miss a Cheltenham festival.
7. Diss the sainted Margaret.
8. Visit Goole.
9. Hair gel.
10. Write damn-fool lists, unless waiting for the Ashes to start at midnight.

Anonymous said...

Okay Iain, I've taken up your challenge on my blog and handed the baton on.

Anonymous said...

Johnny Norfolk - I have never been tempted to shout "Pardew out!!!!", having no idea who Pardew is or what he should be out of.

Anonymous said...

anonymity is ok - especially if you have a blog that completely non-political and you dont want to alienate your readership by nailling your colours to the mast.

anyways here's my top ten things i would never do

1 support Islamic radicals.
2. support communism
3. support Nazism

errr.. thats about it.

everything else is up for grabs , depending on the arguments, evidence, and what i conclude for myself at the time.

case in point - the Euro - which could be argued for in purely economic/business terms - its handy to have a single method of transaction in a trading zone. Its just the baggage of that awful unaccountable bureacracy in Brussels that makes me go against it. in other words , its a moving target that i'm neither for or against.

( of course i leave out the blatantly obvious stuff like being against genocide or other similar awful things - one doesnt shouldnt to state that they are against such things.)

Slagella said...

(i) Wear a cheap pair of Stillies,
(ii)-(x) - see above.

Anonymous said...

Though uninvited, Iain, you may see my list here -

Anonymous said...


One hopes that expensive stillies remain on the menu.


Anonymous said...

I noticed that ID had the wrong end of the stick Mr. Norfolk. I am a member of the Society of those who have no idea where their electricity comes from.
( If you pushed me I`d say it lives in the wall)

OG Yes the current England Rugby team is a sad disgrace . Robinson Out

Johnny Norfolk said...

Who is Pardew I suspect a footballer ?

Anonymous said...

I note you would not take notice of anonymous postings,but surely this is synonymous with secret voting, and surely you will take notice of electoral polling.
Or has Dave got a secret agenda?

Anonymous said...

So you deny the success of Guido, the supremo of the Blogosphere,is anything to do with freedom of the bloggers.

Anonymous said...

Like the list
Except I would substitute 3 for have sex with a member of the same sex as myself. Which is why I would never go far in modern politics. And add

Not not vote UKIP in the next Euro elections.

When a politician says that they dont want to stand for election to something it means that they most certainly do.

Iain Dale for mayor. Sounds good to me. Come on Iain YOUR capital city NEEDS YOU.

Anonymous said...

"8. Take any notice of anonymous blog posters"

Quite right. Best to be tory and only value people of breeding.

Anonymous said...

Politicians are good at ignoring certain sections of society.

Anonymous said...

8. Take any notice of anonymous blog posters.Subtle.

Anonymous said...

Do you mean to say that at some point in the future you would vote Labour (or even, gasp, LibDem) Iain? Rather than take drugs! Granted the two could be mutually exclusive but you get my gist....

Rachel said...

Right done it. Thank you for having me last night.

Anonymous said...

You say you'll never join the Carlton Club until they "admit full women members". Does this mean that at present membership is extended to women only if they are empty? Thank you.

Sabretache said...

Take any soft or hard drug

... Except the 'acceptable' ones like alchohol and caffeine, or even - heaven forbid - nicotine gasp!, cos they're not REAL drugs now are they? - you know the kind all those unspeakable addicts use. Ho Ho Ho.

Iain Dale said...

Sabretache, you may or may not be surprised to know that I do not

a) drink tea or coffee
b) drink alcohol
c) smoke

but I do make up for these lack of vices in other ways...

Rachel said...

Psst: My link is wrong. It's


at the end of the post

Anonymous said...

I do not
a) drink tea or coffee
b) drink alcohol
c) smoke
or do drugs ?
What do ya do as Adam and his ant combo would say? Add a little to much salt to the carrot juice? Paarrtay !!

Anonymous said...

Things I'll never do (only three I'm prepared to admit to)

Vote conservative
cease to take please any time the Welsh lose to England at Rugby
Be unfaithfull to my wife

Dr.Doom said...

I noticed you would never vote to enter the Euro.

No matter how hard we try to fool ourselves that we are totally independant, and even more independant to do what we want with our economy because we are out of the Euro, the Euro dominates our economy.

I can't persuade anyone to accept the Euro, it's a personal thing,but economically, it's economic suicide to be out of it.

The economy we have now is totally shafted and it is primarily due to Euro exchange and not because Brown is an incompetant.

Sooner or later, the game will be up and decisions will have to be made. This country has been run on debt and is overheating forcing a raise in interest rates. The stagnant rate of the economy cries for a cut. GDP suggests not so.
Manufacturing says yes.Services have said no but are being squashed by now.

In short, a total stagflation with no answers from the Pound (£).
Immigration to squeeze inflation is now at maximum, therefore at an end.

A decision to accept the Euro/exchange and guide it properly by HCPI will bring benefits to personal finances and housing inflatio will be brought down by a shortage of first timers.

An adoption of the Euro make British people better off in all directions. Gordon has played his game and is almost in No.10. When his ambition is realised, he will be forced to confront his folly.


Anonymous said...


Why rule out the Euro forever? Clearly it is not much of an option now, but in 20 or more years it may be.

The arguments for and against the Euro should be sound economic arguments, not borne out of the dogma of misplaced nationalism. Ruling it out forever is a shortsighted decision to make.

Anonymous said...

RACHEL-Right done it. Thank you for having me last night.

10:11 AM

Now this is my kinda woman . I `m sure it was a great pleasure.What is "it" made breakfast?

( V good blog actually )

Anonymous said...

Re the Carlton Club - I am surprised at Iain. Don't you believe in freedom of association, Iain?

If the Carlton Club votes not to admit women, that is their right. Who do you want to overrule the voting members - the government?

Anonymous said...

Pity yousay you wouldnt run for Mayor mate!.

Still i guess to be London Mayor you must be a left-wing extremist.

Anonymous said...

YES! lets scrap the pound in 10 years!, lets lose the Ability to set our own interest rates!, being a sovereign independent country that sets its own future is an outdated concept!, lets join the Soviet Union incarnate the EUSSR completely!....sovereignty?, who needs it!....i want EUros in my pocket for that holiday i would no longer be able to afford!

Anonymous said...

Isn't Polly Toynbee the daughter of someone who used to be famous? The name seems to ring a bell. There is this thing I have about off spring cashing in on a famous parent, never being as good as the real thing.

I have read your comments in response to anonymous blog posters!

I would never grow a beard. I did once!

If you are going to tell porkies, don't get caught out. You are not going to make the film Tony B Liar 2 by any chance are you?

BTW, enjoyed Vox Politixs last night. Take a leaf out of Rachel's book, it's never too late to support prisoners and the vote...

Anonymous said...

refrain from pulling the trigger on those that think the party is better than than England.

Tim said...

1. Trust you.
2. Trust you.
3. Trust you.
4. Trust you.
5. Trust you.
6. Trust you.
7. Trust you.
8. Trust you.
9. Trust you.
10. Trust you.

Anonymous said...

Bollocks! shoot to kill, Cant miss lame ducks, must be ground bird day again.

Andrew Ian Dodge said...

Never understood the hang-up of some about the Carlton Club and women.

Would Iain want the University Women's Club to extend membership to men? Or is it only men that are not allowed to have all make insitutions.

Why exactly should the Carlton Club admit women?

Anonymous said...

Top Ten Things I Would Never Do.....

It seems there's a bit of a thing going on in the UK for 10 things one would never do.... here's a couple...

Conservative candidate and commentator Ian Dale
Prominent Lib Dem Duncan Borrowman

And mine... (let's assume not committing criminal acts is taken as read)

Cheat on my wife
Vote Conservative, (nor UKIP or BNP)
Bungee Jump
Pay to watch Manchester United
Buy any Murdoch owned newspaper
Lie on a CV
Visit any of the links provided by our bots
Appear on any 'Reality TV' programme
Watch Eastenders or Coronation Street
Visit a foreign country and expect it to be just like England, or without learning at least the P's and Q's of the language.

What's your 10 things you'd never do?

Anonymous said...

lol.. anonymous(3rd comment).. seems to have watched V for Vendetta a few too many times..

Canada Immigration said...

If the public doesn't want to squeeze imports immigrants or births, we would move on to the next program, "Paysizing," and go through the same private and public sector apiece with "income and poverty" instead of "employment and joblessness".