"It is unusual to get something useful" - The Duke of Edinburgh on being presented with a silver tankard at the Caledonian Club in London's Belgravia.
"Personally, I would introduce a shoot-to-kill policy" - Best-selling author Bill Bryson on his war against litter louts.
"The press provide the only curb on Government excesses. Democracy does not work with an opposition that rolls over or nowadays seems to agree with everything" - Actress Sheila Hancock, who also praises broadcast inquisitors with the "killer punch".
"If you're alive, you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot. For life is the very opposite of death and you must at the very least think noisily and colourfully, or you're not alive" - Mel Brooks.
"My sense is that the real David Cameron has not stood up, that the real David Cameron is a hardline Thatcherite" - Health Minister Andy Burnham.
"Please do not bathe outside the bathtub" - Notice spotted in a hotel in Colombo, Sri Lanka.
"Don't take life too seriously because nobody gets out of it alive" - Entertainer Joe Pasquale.
"Nigella Lawson dresses in gorgeous scarlet for her Christmas Kitchen on BBC2, surely knowing that not one viewer in a million will bother to cook anything she enthuses about" - Commentator Janet Street-Porter.
"It is unusual to meet a working-class Liverpudlian who dresses for dinner, other than in the sense of putting on a shirt" - Academic Professor Terry Eagleton, of the University of Manchester.
"Britain is going through a bit of a panic about the role of God in society" - Tory MP Boris Johnson.