Tuesday, March 30, 2010

EXCLUSIVE: Gordon Brown Makes It Up


When Labour poster makes f*** up, they really do it royally. Above is their latest effort, attempting to take the mickey out of David Cameron for allegedly wearing makeup on the so-called "airbrushed" poster. Cameron, incidentally, denies it was airbrushed at all. But of course all politicians use makeup when they go on TV or have official photos taken. And whaddaya know, here's the proof. It shows Gordon being made up on an airplane.


And if that's not enough proof for you, what about this photo, showing a huge great orange blotch of makeup



And of course last year, GB's makeup instructions were left in the back of a taxi by one of his aides, as The Sun, helpfully reminded us...

1. Transparent Brush. Foam all over. This is believed to be an illuminating foam to give the PM's face that certain glow.

2. Small pot under eyes, dimple, creases, blend in. This refers to the use of concealer to smooth out facial bumps and blemishes.

3. Clinique. Super balanced make-up. All over again, like painting a wall, and ears. Shut eyes over lids then with make-up pad smooth over liquid. This tells the PM to trowel foundation over his whole face.

4. Powder (dark brush) terracotta Guerlain, all over. Slap on fake tan bronzer.


You really couldn't make it up...

40 comments:

Lasting Designs said...

I though that picture inspired "Tone" to pic a colour for his tan..

WV ander just short of a full wipe, have to curtain instead...

James WB said...

Yeah, Cameron wasn't airbrushed. Sure. And small pigs regularly take flight.

John M Ward said...

Ah, the orange splodge! One of my all-time favourite Gorgon photos...

Good post: I have linked to it.

Lasting Designs said...

If your running a caption competition for the "dot" photo, I'll chip in with

"That F#&%£$ng Tony Blair, that B@s@%&D could of told me that the spray tan was almost empty...."

Mulligan said...

Brown's photo looks like it was taken 10 years ago.

Anyway if airbrushing is a crime Labour's version of history would certainly merit a conviction.

boggartblog said...

If the polls are going badly we may yet see Gordon The Goth.

How is Gordon's Erotic Capital portfolio looking these days I wonder?

Dorian Smith said...

"Building a foundation", after 13 years in office?

Pam Nash said...

If we normally see Gordon Clown WITH make-up, that's a disturbing thing. Imagine the huge numbers of horses and small children that would be frightened if Gordon ventured out without it.

Nigel said...

Gordo is only following the basic political tactic of accusing your opponents of your own obvious failings.

He's just a bit crap at it.

Like he is with his makeup, and running the government, and stuff like that.

golden_balls said...

get off the Tory script for once iain

The airbrushed photo of DC was a gaffe as anyone whose seen DC recently can tell.

GB does look haggered but i think people like the reality rather than a guy who tries to look more youthful than he is. The rumoured bald patch that DC has is another point why bother having a different hairstyle just to avoid the public noticing.

we are all vain to some extent and yes Brown does wear make up for media appearnces. but if you don't think the Touched up photo of DC which made him look very odd was an error your fooling yourself.

Benny said...

I had to read that poster about 5 times before I understood it.

Really crap.

King Athelstan said...

And being normal, Nigel.

Craig Ranapia said...

Good God, why not just call Cameron an effeminate public school girly-boy and be done with it?

Right Hon. said...

The Labour poster is mildly amusing. (Do you really believe that Cameron's poster wasn't airbrushed?? Better get some stronger glasses.)

Unsworth said...

Of course there's also the slogan:

"Gordon Brown, not just make-up but total fuck-up"

Phillip Lawrence said...

Blimey, Brown wears make-up? You would never know.
I had always assumed that underneath that gruff exterior there lurked a creature roughly like those inside a Dalek.
Indeed, Davros himself couldn't have made a better fist of ruining this country.

Tom said...

And, of course, the Cameron photo they've used isn't the one that appeared on Tory posters. It's been manipulated to look more airbrushed. More Labour fakery...

titus-aduxas said...

"James WB said...
Yeah, Cameron wasn't airbrushed. Sure. And small pigs regularly take flight."

If you knew anything, you'd know about "pancake". As you are ignorant, I'll let you in on the "secret". Pancake is a foundation used by photographers to even skin out. The same effect can be obtained by "photoshopping" digital images with a blur effect, but that, then, requires the use of other digital techniques, which are not necessarily as good as pancake.

The photoshopping was done by Labour. They got the idea from Bo Beau D'Or.

Oh, and, for your information, photoshopping a picture rarely, if ever, involves "airbrushing".

ryan said...

I;m glad Labour are wasting their time with stupid posters like this. What is this really suppose to achieve? I mean really. I hope they met in committee for days to come up with this gem.

kenny murphy said...

I think this poster is just a bit of fun and shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Are you in a serious mood Iain?

Lets hop that there is a bit more such fun injected into the campaign as the public are bored already...

Roger Thornhill said...

Replace Cameron's face with that of the UK population

Replace the words thus:

"Building a nightmare"

"Living it"

IN A BEAUTIFUL PLACE IN THE COUNTRY... said...

Here in the west of scotland.
Wee Dougie has sent out his "renfrewshire resident survey"

Talk about airbrushing?
apparently labour have done no wrong in the past thirteen years it's all the tory's and the SNP's fault.
As for Gordon? I forsee a Japanese commercial advertising make-up for men.
At least the humiliation would be complete.

The Fat Councillor said...

Honestly, this shower couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag without damaging themselves.

Adolf Brown said...

The Labour poster is rubbish.

I did not even understand the point! Seriously it was that bad i kept looking at it to understand what was the point. I am someone who is very political and it went over my head when i looked at it. I simply did not get it.

It is a poster meant to appeal to the political commetators and that is it. Ordinary voters will wonder what the hell it means. Only when I thought about it did i realise it had a link to the previous Cameron posters. If Labour is campaigning on this sort of thing you can be sure Labour are going to be well under 200 seats! Indeed Likely to be under 150 Seats! It is laughable and complete pig excrement!

lololololololol!

Labour are doomed - DOOMED to defeat!

Fred Blogs said...

Orange is my favourite colour so I'm going to vote Labour. Fantastic that the important issues are now being debated.

Al said...

And you wonder why people are so disillusioned with politics now...have you ever thought that the Tories should take the high ground on this issue (and others) and not get dragged down to the level of this rubbish and instead go out there and fight on the strength of your policies?

titus-aduxas said...

"Right Hon. said...
(Do you really believe that Cameron's poster wasn't airbrushed?? Better get some stronger glasses.)"

The picture, put out by the Tories, is not airbrushed. If you would spend a little less time pleasuring your bigotry and looked as closely at the picture as you are expecting others to do, you'd clearly see that it wasn't the same picture as those, used by Labour, to spoof it. That one was digitally modified to make it appear to have been airbrushed.

DespairingLiberal said...

Oh my God, yes, it's so clear, Cameron was not airbrushed - he was photoshopped! That makes all the difference!

I hate to say it, but I am starting to prefer Brown's heavy Nixonian jowls and puffy red eyes to the smooth, childish public school visages of DaveandGeorge. I wonder if they will get a few lines and wrinkles added during the next couple of weeks, some Added Gravitas?

Has anyone seen the latest polls, Tories down to 2% lead in the marginals?

Also note how much more convincing Ken has been in his media appearances than George during the last few days.

Englishman said...

Just imagine what the Scottish and Scottish elected de facto First Minister of err....England.....would look like WITHOUT makeup!.

He looks bad enough WITH makeup!.

Unsworth said...

@ Golden balls

Are you exhausted, or ill, or something? Your standard of writing has gone rapidly downhill - to the point of near gibberish. Is this the delayed effect of a State Education?

The Grim Reaper said...

Just draw some cartoons of Gordon Brown on his rocking horse wearing a nappy, in a room that contains smashed-up laser printers, dents in the wall where he threw the Nokias and Lord Mandelson up above pulling all the strings.

That'll put a few people off...

Unsworth said...

@ Despairing liberal

Care to put up your source for the polls you mention?

Gallimaufry said...

Building the Foundation - With Polish Workers

Building the Foundation - Thirteen Years, £Trillions and Still Not Above Ground Level

Right Hon. said...

titus-aduxas, take your blue-tinted glasses off, they're affecting your vision. The original Cameron poster had his face 'enhanced' and he didn't have the guts to admit it. Bit of a gaffe.

These poster wars make both the major parties look pathetic and infantile.

DespairingLiberal said...

Yes of course Unsworth, glad you asked, it's the recent YouGov Poll. The trend in Tory marginals with Labour and Tory marginals with the LibDems has been pretty steadily down over the last few months, a result I suspect of Tory flip-flopping on major policy issues and closer focus on the Tories as we approach the GE. So I predict the Tory lead will narrow still further over the remaining few weeks.

titus-aduxas said...

"DespairingLiberal said...
Oh my God, yes, it's so clear, Cameron was not airbrushed - he was photoshopped! That makes all the difference!"

Cameron was neither photoshopped nor airbrushed in the original version. Your desperation is more than apparent.

titus-aduxas said...

"Right Hon. said...
titus-aduxas, take your blue-tinted glasses off, they're affecting your vision."
I don't wear tinted glasses, it affects my work with photoshop.

"The original Cameron poster had his face 'enhanced' and he didn't have the guts to admit it. Bit of a gaffe."

How, exactly, was his image enhanced? You don't know?

DespairingLiberal said...

Titus, I would reflect on the oft-observed fact that they provide slipperiness and skilled verbal evasion at Eton with the tap water and posh caps.

Notcompetent said...

Aeroplane not airplane, pretty please.

Unsworth said...

@ Despairing Liberal

Thanks.

YouGov, eh? And your reference is dated 5 March?

We shall see. I'd just observe that there are substantial and inexplicable discrepancies between YouGov's and their competitors' results - consistently so in recent months.

Are you putting any substantial money on YouGov's predictions? Mike Smithson may give you pause for thought. Do you feel lucky?