Tory MP: Have you decided who you will be voting for?
Male voter: I normally vote UKIP, but I was thinking of voting Conservative.
Tory MP: That's what I like to hear.
Male voter: Yes, but I am worried about Mr Cameron cosying up to homosexuals. I might as well admit it, you see I am a bit homopathic...
The MP just about managed to retain a straight (if that's the appropriate word) face.