Saturday, January 05, 2008

Yew, Keep a' Troshin', You Hear?

I based my Eastern Daily Press column today (not online) on the New Year's Anti-Predictions I made HERE a few days ago, with some added Norfolk related predictions thrown in. One of the them concerned the creation of the Norfolk Independence Party. This provoked a very amusing email from local Norfolk guru Keith Skipper, who is what one could call a 'right old Norfolk character'. I thought I'd share it with you.

Hello Iain, and greetings from the heart of the constituency you tried to win! After reading your forecasts in this morning's EDP, I just had to put you right about a certain part of local history. The Norfolk Indpendence Party came to fruition several years ago - and I was there to see it blossom. Leader is Kirby Cane, former education spokesman, while his current deputy is Lt Col Stratton Strawless, elder statesman and defence spokesman who favours a Nordelph Home Guard rather than a Ranworth Rapid Reaction Force independent of Nato. Other key figures in the hierarchy include Stan Hoe (agriculture), Doc King (health), Carleton Rode (transport), Pilson Green ( environment0, Lex Ham (culture and media), Wal Cott ( sea dfences), Dick le Burgh ( ambassador to Southwold), Win Farthing (exchequer), Hether Sett (organic food) and Ched Grave (general secretary).

The party slogan is : "progress is fine - just as long as it doesen't change anything." The latest "moanifesto" calls for Joined-up Writing and Squit to be taught in all Norfolk schools. A single currency for Norfrolk is being mooted.. with three Coypews to the Ferret and five Ferrets to the Delia. You may also be interested to learn of the recent formation of the Norfolk Squit Party - Stop Quangos Undermining Indigenoius Traditions. So, you see, Norfrolk is fighting back against those who would smother in in dull uniformity. And I think that bit beyond the county boundaries - where they think they know everything -ought to be made aware of the feisty independent spirit. Please feel free to enlighten your readers with any of these facts from a Norfolk fundamentalist. Best wishes for 2008 - and dew yew keep a' troshin', ole bewty!
I'd like to make clear that I have been constantly troshin' ever since I left Norfolk!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's the planned blitzkrieg on Suffolk that make me reluctant to support them.

Philipa said...

sounds good to me, if they'd make it a national party and put it on my ballot I'd vote for it!

I'm a bit stumped to choose from the other three as Labour keeps on coming out tops. My turn for a lie down I think!

Unsworth said...

Yer, but too much troshin bint too good fer yer.

Overdid it in Happisburgh once - still got the scars.

Anonymous said...

The "moanifesto". Sheer genius.

Theo Spark said...

The sooner Norfolks independent the better. Shut the border at Barton Mills and keep the weekenders out. Annexing the Adnams brewery at Southwold would be our first objective.

Anonymous said...

As a simple Essex girl, what the heck is 'troshin'?

V said...

Bookmark me; blog coming soon!

http://www.v-politics.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Sea Shanty Irish here:

Tremendous idea!

Humble request: may I please have the honor of representing Independent Norfolk as your honorary consul in Seattle?

Could REALLY use the license plates AND the free parking.

As for Suffolk, that county can become the Latvia of East Anglia, with Norfolk it's Estonia and Essex its own private Lithuania.

Though Chips Channon would sniff that the latter already happened ages ago.

Brian said...

NFN

Anonymous said...

Re April 08, I'll leave the NIP to Keith.

I'm sure one of the moanifesto commitments will be to go for UDI. In doing so it'll see off the boundary review. He'll get my vote.