A Conservative and a Socialist are walking down the street. They come across a homeless man. The Conservative reaches into his pocket and gives him his business card and tells him to turn up at nine o'clock on Monday morning for a job. He then gives him two crisp ten pound notes to tide him over the weekend. A few yards later they come across another homeless man. The Socialist, having been impressed with the actions of his Conservative friend, gives the homeless man directions to the local benefits office then reaches into the Conservative's wallet, takes out two ten pound notes and keeps one of them as an administration fee.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen is the difference between a Conservative and a Socialist. Maybe it was better done verbally...
I think you have got it the wrong way round
It would be funnier if it wasn't true.
It's rarely so neat.
But that more or less sums it up, especially the £10 admin. fee.
It's the way you tell them. In fact the cradle to grave socialist would have given the man a house told him he was better off not working and advised him to spend the rest of his life on benefits the only proviso being he had to vote Labour. Having looked at MPs expenses I doubt any of them walk anywhere to be honest.
The Conservative will not give him two crisp £10 notes. He will spend them on absurdly expensive coffee which he will tip away before the starving fellow`s eyes .
From this he will learn ther is nothing but humiliation in idleness and find himself a job . Give him £20 and he`ll spend it on drugs...which should please Devil`s Kitchen
Tough love Iain , tough love ..
Keep 'em coming...
Work's on paper too.
Definitely a joke worth stealing.
Yes Iain that is what most ordinary members of the Conservative party think the difference between a socialist and a conservative is.
If only it worked out that way in practice.
Life is not that simple. Life is by DESIGN a game of snakes and ladders to make a slave work hard in the belief he is a free man.
We have nothing in this country that can not now be taken away without recourse to law. No right that can not be disregarded by a judge.
We do not need a new colour government we need a simple written constitution and sound money.
Iain, If you really want to learn the difference between a conservative and a socialist, put aside all your prejudices, and go and see Michael Moore's Sicko this weekend. You will come up with all sorts of excuses, but I won't hear any criticism until you SEE IT FOR YOURSELF, and then tell me what you think.
Don't knock it until you've tried it.
Atlas Shrugged - since I was a little girl, I heard my father say Britain needed a written constitution. Even before I knew what 'written constitution' meant, I knew we needed one.
Nothing's changed, except the degree of urgency.
No way would a Conservative give £20 to a man who had done nothing to earn it. Although he may indeed promise him a job if he turned up.
I do agree that the Conservative has been brain-dead enough for the last 10 years to allow the socialists to pick his pocket in broad daylight.
I see the Elephant Man (sorry!) daily referendum is still amongst us!! You are about as funny as the Srebrenica Massacre....
What is the job?
Iain is on to a winner here!
Humour is the life blood of the British and would be a very effective way of telling the truth about the NuLab regime AND the coming EUSSR nightmare! We all remember jokes and they are perhaps the ultimate 'viral message'/meme! Can we have a joke section that takes the P**S out of the Socialist/leftist/BBC/EU commisar rabble? I mean who will remember the latest Tory logo(squiggle)or tagline? But people will not only remember a good P**S take but they will pass it around!
I can promise you that the voter does not sit around the pub and talk about the latest Tory green tax or newest logo design!
A week later and the Conservative finds himself paying someone who can teach the homeless man basic literacy and arithmetic skills having discovered that he is the product of a state education and is as good as unemployable.
I first heard this joke at a milllenium party. But then it was two five pound notes - but then that's true inflation for you, not the figures that Labour muscle.
Remember the socialist also takes a cheeky fiver from the beggar.
There's nothing remotely socialist about New Labour.
and there's nothing funny about being homeless...
Why do we have to over analyze jokes? I'm on the left, but I must admit, that's a pretty good joke!
Tsk tsk tsk..'A conservative and a socialist' indeed.
That should read a Capitalist and a Socialist.
And the joke should be that the Capitalist reminds him how lucky he is to have a shop doorway to sleep in now that he's homeless and the Socialist gives him a lift to the tax credit office, the job centre and he knows of a spare Council house that hasn't been sold.
Will you ever learn Iain?
I am wondering when Gordon Brown -- and the rest of his cabinet -- will be locked up for urinating on the British public.
Surely the wrong way round Iain
The Father of a friend once went to a beggar in the street and offered him a job in his business - the beggar thanked him, then immediately asked what the pay would be like. The Father suggested a low, but reasonably generous salary with good prospects for promotion.
The beggar handed back the business card, and said he got more money from begging and getting benefits.
No as a tory I would have kicjed the homeless man in the teeth and tell him to bugger off to where he came from.
Iain: While the 'socialist' is quite likely to behave as you relate, the Conservative is more likely to pass by on the other side of the street, muttering angrily that 'something should be done', after first ordering someone earning less than himself to search the beggar for any seizable assets (unless the shop doorway were that of a large London department store, in which case he would accept a hefty 'bung' in a brown envelope - what short memories we have), and ignoring the possibility that the beggar may be a former Conservative who has lost everything as a result of 'short-termist', 'boom and bust', Conservative policies.
Treacle Dogget: Your wit, and your manners, are obviously mired in ignorance. Incidentally, and apropos of 'dogget', Urban Dictionary defines it thus: 'a gay rapist that spits nuts at people. the natural enemy of "mo" [qv]', though one might expect a baboon to spit nuts as you do. That notwithstanding, you're about as funny as Ben Elton.
...and you Willliam Gruff would make him listen to your elephantine material until he gave you the £10 he had been hiding to go away.
Newmania: I see that you describe yourself as driven to 'gibbering incapacity'.
Conservative self- delusion is a wonder to behold!
Actually the socialist would have hand wringing angst but do nothing and the conservative would call the police.
I used to live next door to my tory councillor in Fulham. When a homless guy started to use the street bench outside our block she had it removed.
Most Tories are unfortunately still too obnoxious as individuals to help anyone else sadly.
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