Sunday, June 17, 2007

Comeback Line of the Year?

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....
Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"
A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several block s away."
Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"
A: "The officer who responded to the scene."
Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"
A: "Yes, sir. With my life."
Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
A: "Yes sir, we do!"
Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."
Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
A: "Yes sir."
Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"
A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."
The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line. Thanks to Daniel Forrester for this.


ScotsToryB said...


Reminds me of the time a friend was in court as a witness in a complicated fraud regarding architects. After the preliminaries the QC stood up and extemporised at length. He then turned to my friend and, adopting a very superior attitude, said 'are you or are you not going to answer my question?'

To which my friend replied 'you have not asked me a question'.

Judge agreed.

End of attack.


Kris said...


I shall pass on to PC Bitseach for future use.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! Is there a link to this somewhere else or the name of the officer? Wld like to pass it on to some American friends.

Anonymous said...

This is an old apocryphal tale that has come up all over the internet.

Try harder.

Tony said...

Ha ha! I love it!

Iain Dale said...

Anonymous, you wouldn't be a lawyer by any chance???

Anonymous said...

Is this one real Iain? Or another urban myth like your 'best comeback' line of a few months ago?

Iain Dale said...

Ezra, I haven't got a clue, and care even less. It made me laugh and I thought it might provoke the odd titter among my readers.

Anonymous said...

Really? Do you think it does your blog's repuatation any favours when you repost old myths which have been circulating on the internet for years? Especially if you suggest that they're true and not just jokes.

You wouldn't get such rubbish in the proper media.

Iain Dale said...

Ezra, well feel free to go and read the "proper media" then. It made me laugh. For God's sake lighten up. You seem to be thinking that this blog should be the same as everyone else. I post what I find interesting, amusing or moving. If you don't like what I post then there are 70 million other blogs you can visit. Stop looking for some agenda, when there is none.

jailhouselawyer said...

I think I have heard something similar before. Nevertheless, it was good enough for me to link to it. And that is all that matters.

Anonymous said...

I've not heard it before, and it made me laugh.

If you don't like this playground, Ezra, take your bat and ball and go elsewhere.

The Remittance Man said...

If it isn't "true" then it should be.

As for the numpties: obviously you are fortunate enough not to need the odd humourous anecdote to brighten your monday mornings. Lucky you.

But why don't you celebrate that fact instead of nyaffing on like a bunch of miserable old women?

Dave Cole said...

The defense attorney, representing a woman charged with murdering her husband, was questioning a character witness:

"Q: What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?

"A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that son of a bitch--and she did."

In the courthouse in Charlottesville, VA

Anonymous said...

Hey anonymous, how's about growing a sense of humor? Of course this apocryphal story's been around more than what? It may or may not be true, but that's not exactly the point, and I as prosecutor who works with cops on an almost-daily basis find it both amusing and believable.

ATTORNEY: All your answers must be oral. What's your name?

ATTORNEY: How many autopsies have you conducted on dead people?
CORONER: All of them.

I could go on... ;-)