Saturday, October 02, 2010

Geraldine Dreadful MP Writes ... to Her Constituency Labour Party

Dear Comrades,

As you'll know, at the end of last month, the Labour Party took an historic right-turn to the left with the selection of Ken Livingstone to be its candidate for Mayor of London. The opportunity to offer a distinctly new, unprecedented, novel and vibrant direction for London is immense, and shows the kind of new thinking in the Labour Party of which I am so immensely proud.

The naysayers will point out that Mr Livingstone has already been rejected once by the electorate, and that he has already done the job and therefore offers nothing new. But those naysayers are mostly fascists, racists and anti-semites, much like the people supporting the hated Blairite Oona King (can someone in the comms office check this and make sure Ken hasn't called another journalist a Stalagsoberkommandant?).

In addition, as well as the delightful news about the inspirational Ken, of course, we have a new leader. Ed Milibrother is the next Prime Minister, securing an enormous 1% victory over his plotting Blairite brother David Milibrother, who has now sloped off, like the running dog he is, to South Shields.

Some of the other candidates were very good; Diane Abbott ticks so many of our diversity boxes (TV career, makeover, sent her kid to private school), she should really have done better than she did, and it was a pity that the one working class candidate, Andy Burnham, polled so poorly. Perhaps it was just as well; as a party we're all about aspiration, and Ed Milibrother represents just the sort of down-to-earth proto-middle class pre-shaver all teenage boys desire to be. Ed is a dream come true: it's like having Adrian Mole as party leader.

So, you can see, the future for the Labour Party is immensely bright.
We have followed the time honoured tradition of a quick repair to the left in the wake of electoral defeat, which has always worked out well for us in the past.

Yours in comradely solidarity,

Geraldine Dreadful MP

Hattip: With grateful thanks to Ben Archibald of


Líam said...

From the desk of COMRADE ED MILIBAND

The Daily Mail has been UPSET by the COALITION OF FRAUDS allowing into law the SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS ACT so impressively written by THE NEW GENERATION.

This shows CLEARLY that the Act is PROGRESSIVE. Nobody involved in THE TIME BEFORE could have created such legislation.


You will continue to DENY EVERYTHING about the role of THE NEW GENERATION in the current economic downturn, for the downturn is FALSE and THE NEW GENERATION has only just risen.

There can be NO PAST


Yours in comradeship


Chris Paul said...

You really have nothing better to do with your time Iain? Stopping Nadine publishing some drivel that she is representing as a chapter in a book you will be publishing would be a fine alternative to this drivel. Considering the preview she has already posted it looks very much as if this will be highly defamatory and libellous. Which ain't right.

toryardvaark said...

Cant wait for the next Geraldine Deadful, H/T Mr Dale very funny and very true

anne riddle said...

Chris Paul - Have you no sense of humour? I have noticed there is a conspicuous lack of it in the Socialist element! Anne.

neil craig said...

I don't think looney leftists make much mention of anti-semitism now. While they do not admit it their support for Hamas, an organisation openly attempting genocide (though fortunately without success) makes the accusation to close to home for comfort.

Tim said...

Ever wondered what happened to that 'Damien' kid from The Omen?

He grew up and became Andy Burnham.

Jimmy said...

Craig Brown had a piece in the Grauniad yesterday on how to do this sort of thing properly.

Just trying to help.

Terry said...

Try Matthew Norman's excellent take on this in the Telegraph today - no, not his review on the back page of Weekend but his piece in the Comment section beneath the Letters.