Saturday, April 03, 2010

Would You Like a Free Sperm Keyring?


A friend of ours has come to stay the weekend, and has very thoughtfully brought us a gift. She works for the Learning & Skills Council helping youngsters get into employment. The government is now apparently encouraging the LSC to get into the business of sex education and giving out free condoms. Nothing wrong with that. Indeed, it may be quite a good idea. Part of the sex education is to educate young men that there are different sizes of condom and that they should make sure they buy the right size in order to avoid unfortunate splits. They are taught that condoms come in extra large, large, medium and, er, "trim" sizes! And to aid them, they are given a piece of card called "Size & Shape". This is to inform them that it's not length that matters but, er, girth. (Please note how I am trying to keep this tasteful). However, they are then told not to put their, ahem, 'appendages' through the holes in case they get paper cuts! You really couldn't make this up.

I'm assuming the LSC doesn't pay anything for these items, as they are plastered with adverts for Pasante condoms - from "trim" to King Size.

As well as these handy cards, participants are also given a key ring ... with a plastic sperm hanging off the end. Apparently they get a free key ring if they agree to have a chlamydia test... I'd be intrigued to find out how much these keyrings are costing the LSC - or should I say, the taxpayer. They contain no message and I cannot think what purpose they serve.

22 comments:

Thatsnews said...

Iain... I... don't know quite what to say. My normal ability to make crass but quite amusing comments sees, to have slipped away, somewhere...

Adolf Brown said...

lol - A new way of seeing where you are in the pecking order!

trevorsden said...

I did not know that sperm came with big bedroom eyes and slobbering lips.

But to think there are some who say there are no areas where you could make cuts.

The irony is that I am going to vote Tory knowing full well that they will not make the necessary cuts we need to take the govt off our backs. They will try, but so did Mrs Thatcher ... who let spending go on rising.

Sadly various blinkered 'establishment ' figures and organisations will not allow a rational debate about the issue which might at least open up the possibility of us getting smaller more effective government.

................................. said...

I don't think spermatazoa actually have eyes...?!

BTS said...

Another thing I'm not supposed to put my cock into - when will it end..?

Steve H said...

Iain, assuming that your photo of that card is life-sized, you've just cheered me up more than I can say. Please don't tell us that it's

Thomas Hobbes said...

I sincerely doubt that the LSC would have paid for these - it would helped to fund and host various community events where these promotional items would have been provided by charities/other government departments/etc.

I use the past tense there because as of 1st April the LSC no longer exists, being split into the YPLA (Young People's Learning Agency) and SFA (Skills Funding Agency)
which has caused widespread panic and disaster as local authorities take over.

Incidently YPLA + people in local authorities = Young People's Learning Family - YPLF. Best not to google that acronym at work. Thanks Eddie.

Alwyn ap Huw said...

YPLF. Best not to google that acronym at work
YPLF = Young Philatelic Leaders Fellowship (I know that philately sounds like something rude that clean living people shouldn't do - but its just stamp collecting really).

Pogo said...

I always thought that condoms came in three sizes.. "Small", "Medium" and "Liar".

javelin said...

If it works then do it, is the argument, isn't it? Well let's sexualise toddliers ... hey if it works ... why not?

Unsworth said...

Why the tadpole key-rings? The lake is full of frogspawn right now, but why is the LSC interested in what is going on in my pond?

Gandhi said...

Could somebody tell me where to buy massive girth condoms please? The lack of these in the shops has forced me to give away a number of sperm necklaces over the years.

Frugal Dougal said...

Wouldn't something made from thin rubber take on the dimensions of that which is inside it?

Another example of the government sexualising young people; we need to get this stopped and soon.

I appreciate that chlamydia tests are a good thing for those youngsters who are presently sexually active, but the gov't's sex education plan is aimed at delaying early sex, so what's the point of saying "put sex off, but here's some condoms"?

Pol-e-tics said...

On the subject of ejukayshun... I was amazed and struck by the irony of hearing an NUT teacher's strike call today because of the unfairness of school pupil panels that apparently now vet teachers' appointments.

Modern teaching methods bite back, I thought.

More if you want.

Roger Thornhill said...

We don't need gizmos to know who are the largest bell-ends out there.

And yes, this does cost us, not the LSC.

Would be nice if someone could work out who makes/sells them and if there is a paper trail back to someone in said LSC.

adrian said...

There is a document somewhere where some group or other that hates Western civilization says we will make it so corrupt that it stinks.
Children taught sex at early age are more likeley to have sex

Well who would have thought it.
Frankfurt Subversion

kmkm1969 said...

That is a fantastic key ring I've never seen anything so c(.)(.)L could I have 1 to give to my daughter lisa (22) always agread with the tests x

kmkm1969 said...

I would like a free sperm key ring to give to my daughter.as a mum I'm always trying to tell her about safe sex & all diseases she could catch if having unsafe sex,this would be a great reminder everytime she gets her keys out she will se the sperm key ring (hopefully) thanks for the oppertunity xx

stevesack said...

hi i would like to get some sperm keyrings could you please contact me in how i can get some
steve@lass.org.uk

many thanks steve

stevesack said...

i would like to get some sperm keyrings could you please contact me on steve@lass.org.uk

many thanks
steve

tayler said...

Can please tell me where to get them from and whether they can just send them to me please? Thanks

beckie_booxx said...

hey would it be possible to have a key ring and card to give to my daughter as I try to make her aware as a mum please on shared email missybecky-101@live.co.uk thank you