political commentator * author * publisher * bookseller * radio presenter * blogger * Conservative candidate * former lobbyist * Jack Russell owner * West Ham United fanatic * Email iain AT iaindale DOT com
I was wondering, do you perhaps stock a small, but well formed, overall majority?
No, really, it's true. Nick Clegg's is only THIS big.
And the "Daily Mail" is about to run a story that he only has a two inch dick...
No, really, it's true. Nick Clegg's is only THIS big. For a real man, vote Cameron.
Whereas John Prescotts's is 'this' big.
...so I said, is that all you got?
"Don't vote for Cleggy - he's only got a tiny dick"
(WH): Can I interest you in a squirt from my invisible can of head polish?
I was this bloody close to Number 10. It was Tony Bloody Blair, I would have beat Brown. This close I tell you!
Darth Hague: "I find your lack of faith disturbing"
Okay we are getting low on finance after the Ashcroft situation, can you spare us any cash? 20, 50. Okay. A pound!
"The chances of Dave being our leader after 6th May? Well, I'd say about this much"
We got this many votes under my leadership
Hague: "Let me just show you how I can pick your pocket from right under your eyes, just like New Labour ... "
Hague - I wondered, could we put up a small card up on your noticeboard mentioning the word 'Conservative'?
"And if I make a hand gesture like this, it ought to be a springboard for a series of incredibly weak 'Nick Clegg has a small dick' jokes on Iain Dale's Blog."
I stood next to Iain Dale in the gents the other day....
"My hair was THIS long once. Honestly."
Well, I could only get it to grow this long. That's not enough for a comb-over, so I went for the suede-head look.
William Hague let's slip the size of the latest Tory polling figures.
.........huge nipples. Oh crap! She's standing behind me, isn't she?
"Guinness? Okay, well, just a small one (or sixteen). I'm supposed to be driving this campaign..."
I can see cases of twelve lagers, but have you got any packs of fourteen?
"Could I speak to an assistant who isn't voting LibDem please"
Those eggs I bought yesterday. About this size..really aerodynamic they were..got anymore.
This is why they call me 'Wee Willy Hague'.
And I asked the barman for this much foam, but he said "I don't serve minors in this pub mate".
I understand your argument about the huge debt that the banks and the Labour government have run up sir, but you still can't pay for hobnobs with an invisible credit card.
Look i only left that amount of beer in the glass and is was me 20th.
One finger, one thumb, keep moving. Works for me every time - just ask this young lady,
Of course it's more impressive with the puppet.
"Look, this is Asda after all. If I win a vote here, do I get another one free?"
He looks like a Treen!http://www.eursoc.com/eursoc_news_and_comment_f/2010/04/pilot-of-the-future.html
You only get a wadge of notes this thick if you're an immigrant on benefits.
RED RUM...RED RUM...
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