Thursday, August 31, 2006

Top Ten Things Not to Say to the Police When Caught Speeding

PC Bloggs, in her ever helpful way, tells us about the top ten remarks that will guarantee you a ticket...

1. I pay your salary.
2. Haven't you got anything better to do?
3. I'm going to miss my flight now.
4. Please don't - I've already got 9 points.
5. I've got three babies in the back, don't let them see this.
6. My wife/child/aunt is dying in hospital!
7. Someone else was driving. He ran off that way.
8. While you're here, I'm being harassed by my neighbour.
9. I was too busy talking on my mobile phone and didn't notice the speed.
10. The accelerator was stuck on.

I must say that the line "I've just been slagging off John Prescott on Newsnight and I am rushing home to watch it on TV, officer," always seems to work for me...

UPDATE: Mars Hill Blog takes this on a stage further and gives the Policeman's likely response to each of the above HERE.

12 comments:

Tone made me do it - he's a bad influence said...

11. Would you like another doughnut?

Ross F said...

As Mel Gibson could tell you "heh sugar tits!" and "The jews start all the wars" are probably best avoided too.

Verity said...

Mel Gibson is gross. I've never seen a movie with him in it because his face always revolted me. I don't know why.

ContraTory said...

"Blimey! I must have missed the sign! Sorry!"

...worked for me.

Umbongo said...

12. Your Ian Blair is a great guy

Adrian Yalland said...

Iain, this explains SO much. Thanks! But what about 'I have always fancied men in uniforms'? Would that work?

Theo Spark said...

Hello C**tstable doesn't work either.

Anonymous said...

For once Verity, I find myself siding with you.

Buster George said...

I haven't touched a drop all night drinkstable,

seems to get their attention!!

Adrian Yalland said...

How about" the reaschon I wosch schpeeding wosch to make laschst orders constable"!

Anonymous said...

I am muslim and therefore that supercedes an British Law.

Ross Parker said...

Surely the best response to "I pay your salary." is "And you're about to pay a magistrate's too."