Free the House of Commons Duck, Bitch!

Much amusement in the Shadow Cabinet block this afternoon. Apparently a mother duck and her ducklings were waddling along the fence between the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Bridge but one of them managed to penetrate the fence, but couldn't get back. Mother duck was quacking like mad, as was baby duckling. The intrepid females in David Davis's office rushed out to see what was going on and no doubt strated quacking too! By this time a crowd had gathered on the bridge and someone charmingly shouted out "Free the duck, you bitch"! It turns out that the ducks regularly breach Palace security, which provokes much quacking in the Serjeant at Arms Department. Each time they have to call the RSPB, who come and collect the ducks, put them in a box and take them God knows where. Orange sauce, anyone?

LibDems Run Scared of Cameron on the Environment

If ever proof were needed that the LibDems are unnerved by David Cameron's environmental initiatives, you just need to read Ming Campbell's comments in Norwich today. Click HERE. What on earth is he doing writing to David Cameron. In case the old boy hadn't noticed, Dave hasn't won the election yet. That Labour lot still have their fingertips on the steering wheel, even if they are in danger of driving off the road. I suspect that LibDem strategists will have been alarmed by the recent poll showing that Cameron's green initiative is hitting home with LibDem supporters.Ming has been visiting Winterton on Sea in Norfolk to look at coastal erosion. Not sure if a photo of him at the edge of a cliff is one he'll find particularly advantageous.

Just When Ruth Kelly Thought She Was Safe...

David Willetts has today written to Ruth Kelly asking whether she can guarantee all of the sex offenders, violent prisoners etc who haven't been deported have been placed on the relevant child protection lists. As the Home Office has lost track of them, the answer will presumably have to be "er, we don't know".

Here is the text of the letter to Ruth Kelly...

On Tuesday we learnt that 1023 foreign national prisoners were released without being screened to see whether they should be deported or monitored. That included 272 with drugs convictions, 114 violent offenders and 48 sex offenders, some of whom have committed offences against children. It is very worrying that the Home Office has not been able to deport or trace these individuals in the way that they should and has indicated it does not know the whereabouts of many of them. Those with serious convictions should have been placed on the sex offenders register, List 99 and/or the Protection of Children Register. Could you assure me that your Department has checked that the foreign offenders were placed on the sex offenders register, List 99 and/or the Protection of Children Register? Can you guarantee to parents that they are not working in schools or indeed with children in any way? After the problems earlier this year, parents do need clear answers on these important
issues.

And they need them soon.

How Much Did Tony Blair Donate to Cliff's Charity?

From Popbitch...

It must be almost all over for Tony Blair. Forget the NHS crisis, prisons debacle and his colleagues' affairs, now even aging pop stars are putting the boot in. Friends of Sir Cliff Richard are claiming that Sir Cliff was far from happy with Tony and Cherie borrowing his house in Barbados. The first time he lent them his home, the singer was apparently disappointed that they didn't offer to anything. When the Blairs asked again, Sir Cliff grudgingly said yes, but insisted on an arrangement where the PM would make an appropriate donation to Cliff's favourite charity. Some months later, the charity's accountants were asked about the payment. They confirmed a donation had been made as requested. But how much did the Blairs decide to pay? Cliff's friends are putting it about that the amount the PM thought was appropriate to rent a luxury villa in Barbados for over two weeks... was about the cost of a meal for two in a London restaurant.

So, they paid about £200 quid for a three week holiday. Obviously Cherie was writing the cheque.

Vote in Guido's Poll

Guido has an interesting Poll. Make sure you vote. It's good for your health.

Letters to the Telegraph

I'm not an avid reader of newspaper letters pages, but these three from the Telegraph today are priceless...

Sir, I note that five of the 900 missing prisoners were convicted of driving offences. I assume that all the forces of law and order will leave no stone unturned to find them.

Sir, Can I be the first to echo John Prescott's wish that he and Pauline be allowed to get on with their lives together? Alone. Forever.

Sir, I was wondering if your readers knew that on the first second, second minute, third hour on May 4 2006 it iwll be 01 02 03 04 05 06. At 23 minutes past 1 on May 4 2006 it will be 1 2 3 4 5 6. We will have to wait 1,000 years for this to happen again.

Priceless.

BBC Plays Catch-Up on the Clare Short Story

Delighted to see the BBC have caught up with the Clare Short-Jon Norton story. I wrote about it in mid January. Only four months behind the game then! The Daily Mail carried a photo story last week. The pair have written an article for this week's New Statesman confirming they are an 'item'. The best quote is from Norton: "The most upsetting thing is that the photograph made me look much balder than I thought I was". I know the feeling.

Prescott: What Does the Public Have a Right to Know

When it comes to sex scandals involving politicians, we should constantly ask ourselves why such things are of any relevance to the public. There are two questions which we need to ask, to determine whether such a scandal is of public relevance or not. Firstly, is there any whiff of hypocrisy on the part of the politician involved, and secondly, has the affair affected his or her ability to do their job? In John Prescott's case I would argue that he meets the criteria on both counts. The papers this morning have picked up on my Post yesterday about Prescott's 1996 speech to the Labour Conference, where he was hurling accusations at John Major about Tory sex scandals. The second point is more interesting. If a Minister has an affair with a civil servant, let alone one in their Private Office, it affects the management of the government department concerned. The affair, it seems, was an open secret in the Department and Prescott even took her to a ceremony commemorating the war dead accompanied also by his wife Pauline. If I was Mrs P, I would consider that to be the biggest insult of all. So in this case I feel public interest in the man who will now inevitably be known as Two Shags is entirely justified.

Another issue which has reared its head again is the role of the media. There are undoubtedly suspicions about the timing of this, as it diverted attention away from Charles Clarke's troubles. We'll never know whether this was coincidence or it was planned. Kevin Maguire on the Mirror has been remarkably coy (not something he's normally guilty of) on this in his various media interviews. Guido has already had a go at Nick Robinson for describing news of the affair as "a bombshell". The fact is, everyone in Westminster knew what Prescott was up to. As one of the Comments on Guido's site says: "I wasn't even the lowliest research assistant - I was an even lowlier intern, who'd been there about a week, when I heard the story." So yet again there has been a conspiracy of silence on the part of the Westminster Lobby, a conspiracy which was certianly not much in evidence during the Tory years. Some of you may remember the case of poor Hartley Booth who was forced to resign for sending his researcher a love poem - he hadn't even done the dirty deed! Yet everyone in Westminster knows of Prescott's affair with a fellow Minister who has rapidly shot up the greasy pole (if you'll pardon the expression) after receving his patronage, but do we read about that in our newspapers this morning? Do we hell. Do we read about the serial Ugandan exploits of another senior Cabinet Minister, which are known to even the most junior journalist in Westminster? No. There are some serious double standards here. If a Tory or a LibDem is fair game to the media on the grounds of hypocrisy or public interest then surely the same rules should apply to government ministers. The reason they do not is because any journalist who published such a story would immediately find that their sources within New Labour mysteriously evaporated. So they remain complicit in an unspoken conspiracy. It stinks.

The Law on Postal Votes Must be Rewritten

West Midlands Labour Councillor Bob Piper can contain his glee at the arrest of a LibDem Councillor's wife in Birmingham on electoral fraud charges. The truth is that all parties have people who will stretch the law, so we shouldn't be too sanctimonious about it. Birmingham Conservative Council leader Mike Whitby (pictured) probably sums it up best.

“The Conservative Party in Birmingham has been at the forefront of rooting out fraud and corruption that has blighted our local elections for years. We highlighted the need to look at the Northern Ireland system which can offer the necessary
safeguards to ensure our local elections are free, fair and clear of any illegal or corrupt practices. For two years we identified the frailty and the weaknesses of our postal vote system and how it had been appallingly abused by those wishing to cheat the people of our city. Even the Labour Leader on Birmingham City Council admitted that the changes to the postal vote system, that his government introduced, ‘looks and feels wrong”. We argued that our postal vote system is open to abuse, and presents an invitation to cheat. It would seem that despite our best efforts, there are still those who wish to tarnish our democratic reputation yet further. It is vital that the police and the public remain vigilant to ensure that the results on the 4th May reflect the will of the people. The Conservative Party have already set a strong example by formally complaining to West Midlands Police about a suspiciously high number of postal vote applications. I have also met with the Chief Executive and senior Conservative Party officials to discuss the implementation of a pilot scheme to combat this very problem and I look forward to setting the foundations for stronger democracy in Birmingham that will not only help prevent those who wish to cheat the chance to do so, but will repair our battered reputation.”

It seems that there are still huge problems about conducting elections in our second City. Labour's PPERA Act has a lot to answer for. We just didn't have this sort of problem before - well, certainly not on the scale of what's happened in Birmingham. The law on postal votes clearly needs to be completely re-written.

Tune into 5 Live...

At 11.35pm when I will be discussing Mr Prescott's travails.

'Cos They Had a Bad Day...

I've got the Daniel Powter song 'Bad Day' as my mobile phone ring tone. This could be adopted by any number of left of centre politicians today. Can you recall a day when Labour and the LibDems have had such a terrible 24 hours? As Cilla would say, here's a quick reminder...

1. Charles Clarke and the (non) deported prisoners
2. Patricia Hewitt being heckled by nurses
3. Neil Kinnock getting six months...well, a 6 month driving ban
4. Ming Campbell's disaster at PMQs
5. More revelations in The Times about LibDem donor Michael Brown
6. LibDem Council candidate's wife arrested for postal vote fraud
7. John Prescott's affair with his diary secretary

Have I missed anything? I'm feeling quite faint...

Can Lightning Strike Twice?

I don't believe in lightning striking twice, but three or four years ago I went to see West Ham at Fulham. Paolo di Canio scored a last minute winner, and as I emerged from the ground I heard that Estelle Morris had resigned. I thought to myself, 'does it get much better than this? West Ham win away and a Cabinet Minister resigns!' Well tonight I'm off to watch the Hammers play Liverpool. I'm not holding my breath...!

Michael Brown: The Question Ming Campbell Must Answer

Things have been so exciting today that I have only just got round to looking at today's Times. I'm glad I did so. On page two there is a very interesting article on Michael Brown, the man who donated £2.4 million to the LibDem and has just been arrested on 53 charges of fraud. Click HERE to read the full article. Here are a few tasters from the article.

Mr Brown (pictured) is accused of forging documents involving purported trading of $1 billion (£560 million) on financial markets through his money management arm, 5th Avenue Partners Ltd.
If it is shown that the company was not “carrying on business” when the gift was accepted, the Lib Dems may have to surrender the donation, possibly forcing the party into bankruptcy. The alleged offences include claims of false accounting and forgery relating to the period last spring when the company was handing over large sums to the Lib Dems. In one charge, Mr Brown is accused of forging papers to show that he made $2 million (£1 million) profit from trades on May 5, general election day, when the Lib Dems were winning an unprecedented 62 seats. Mr Brown, an expatriate Scot, who was arrested at his home in Majorca, is also accused of lying to get a new British passport by pretending that he had accidentally put his own through a washing machine in Spain. Mr Brown transformed the electoral fortunes of the Lib Dems when he appeared from nowhere and agreed to fund them. He was barred by election law from giving a donation as an individual because he is not on the British electoral roll. Instead, the Lib Dems declared the gifts to the Electoral Commission, which polices donations, in the name of the newly created, London-based 5th Avenue Partners Ltd. The company also provided Charles Kennedy, as party leader, with £30,000 of free flights on a corporate jet during the campaign. By law, political donations may be accepted only from British companies that “carry on business”. If the commission suspects that 5th Avenue Partners Ltd was not trading when it financed the Lib Dems, it can ask prosecutors to investigate and confiscate the money. The Lib Dems would face ruin because they have already spent the gifts on election posters and advertising. The party lives on modest reserves.

Sir Ming Campbell said in the autumn that he would take more money from the controversial benefactor. Does he still stand by that? I hope those LibDems who pooh-poohed my speculation on Friday that the LibDems might be forced to hand the money back are now taking the possibility a lot more seriously.

Belinda Oaten Invites Us Into Her Gorgeous Home

For an ex-PR man, Mark Oaten is not very smart. His wife had said "I will not be giving any interviews", yet today's issue of Hello Magazine contains an interview with Belinda Oaten, which is obviously the first stage in the Oaten rehabilitation process. Bad mistake. A period of silence and hard work would have done far more than this sort of Mellor-esque interview. But seeing as she's gone public, here are a few selected quotes...

"It was a normal Saturday morning. I don't even know what the date was - I'm still too scared to look and find out just how much time has gone past. The evening before, Mark had come home in really good form,
delighted to have quit the LibDem leadership race. I was feeling upbeat because I thought 'Great, that's a huge pressure off and perhaps we can now look towards doing the other things in our life... I noticed two cars outside the house...Mark went out to look while I looked out of the window...He came back into the house. He looked very white and said 'I've got to talk to you'. I remember him explaining it to me in the utility room. 'It's over for me, it's finished, we're finished'. I couldn't grasp what he was saying. I remember hugging him and saying 'it's OK, we'll get through this' and then in a sort of autopilot sort of way carried on making eggy bread, which the girls always like on Saturdays. I felt totally numb. There was disbelief and horror. Then I began to think, God, this is actually something hugely bad. I felt like I'd been capitulated into a living nightmare. It wasn't until an hour later that a huge wall of pain hit and that's when I became this other person, screaming with rage and hurt... I could never have seen it coming...I always thought we were soulmates and we had a strong physical relationship... I threw my rings at him. I don't know where they are. I assume Mark's got them. I'd lost all respect for him... I think what he said in his statement that there was a flaw in his character was understated...It was more than an error of judgement...For weeks I'd ask him, literally every hour, are you going to do this again?...We've been doing quite intensive marriage therapy for the past two months...It was Mark's idea to go...As yet our minds aren't made up as to how it's going to go between us...The presure has been intolerable, I never intended to speak but I never realised just how much pressure my family would be put under. I am hoping that after this I will be able to get on with my life."

It was a long interview and these are very much edited "high"lights. She's obviously a very nice, caring woman who can't quite believe she's been put through this nightmare. If her husband wasn't in tears after reading the interview he should have been. Forget having put her through hell in the first place, encouraging her to do this interview was a terrible error.

Ming Campbell's Egg on Face Moment

Well, when Ming said it I did wonder if he had checked his facts. My friend at Guardian Unlimited has just secured this statement from the Home Office.

"We can confirm that the Nigerian prisoner mentioned by Sir Menzies Campbell at prime ministers questions, Wednesday 26th April, remains in detention at HMP Holme House."

Methinks an apology from Sir Ming might be in order. He really can't get the hang of PMQs, can he?

UPDATE: 3.15 I have just received the LibDems daily E-News bulletin. Strangely, although there are twelve stores, there's no mention of Ming Campbell at PMQs. I wonder why. Maybe they're holding it over until tomorrow.

UPDATE: 5pm Ming has issued a full apology. Credit to him.

Has Ming Campbell Fired the Exocet Which Will Finish Clarke?

I wonder how the lobby are following up Ming Campbell's point in PMQs about a Nigerian prisoner eligible for deportation was seen walking free from Stockton prison this morning. If it's true, God help Charles Clarke. If it isn't, God help Ming Campbell. I'm just off to break two habits of a lifetime. I'm going to buy the Daily M****r and while I'm at it I shall be picking up a copy of Hello Magazine so I see why Belinda Oaten has broken her pledge not to give an interview. From what I have read about it in the Daily Telegraph it's a decision she will come to regret. I may feel forced to share some of the details with you later.

When You're in a Hole...Bring back Dave the Chameleon!

Labour really should learn. When you're in a hole, stop digging...

If your Party was in deep trouble over releasing foreign prisoners into the community and you had a Party Political Broadcast, what would you do? Well, probably not show a new Dave The Chameleon film. But that's exactly what Labour will be doing tonight. And you can see it HERE. I would have thought a 3 minute piece to camera by the Home Secretary or the Prime Minister apologising might have been more politically beneficial. These people have lost touch with reality.

Charles Clarke's Statement Was an Admission of a Minister Not in Control

Charles Clarke's statement was a prime example of a condemned man who knows his fate. The shortness of the statement was a disgrace. It can't have been more than four minutes long. it contained no new information beyond that he had already given in his various media interviews. David Davis's response was superbly measured and forensic. He asked all the right questions but answer came there none. On past record we know that half the 1000 people released an not deported will have re-offended in some way. If any of these offences were serious, I'll say it again, Clarke's toast. The next 24 hours are going to fascinating.

Charles Clarke's Statement: Live Blog

No apology for not coming to the House yesterday. Starts by giving figures for people being released and not deported. Says immediate priority is to put it right. Interestingly, Blair has buggered off. Clarke is flanked by Straw and Hain, rather than his own junior Ministers Blears & McNulty. Gives figures about current cases being considered. House is very quiet. "I am confident we can build on this performance". Cue Tory laughter. He sounds like a robot. Going through the motions. And that's it!!! 4 minutes! David Davis says he has a broad degree of respect for Clarke. But it's first duty of Government to protect the public. Govt has failed. Hilary Armstrong shouts abuse. DD says yet another failure of Home Office incompetence. No excuse for Home Sec not knowing about it. Quotes HM Inspectorate report (see Post earlier today). Quotes NAO. In Sept Cherly Gillan asked how many foreign nationals awaiting deportation. Told info could only be got at disproportionate cost. In Nov Immigration Minister said all are being removed promptly. Stillno definitive figures. Says "to the best of his knowledge" - not good enough. Is he able to tell House how many have committeed further offences. Half probably have done so. How may have been released and who has been deported. How many killers, paedophiles, rapists, drug dealers are at large as a result of his policy failure. 288 releases over 8 months is a faster rate than 700 over 6 years. So rate faster after problem identified than before. A stark example of a Minister not in charge of his department. Home Sec a proud man. Yesterday I said he should not go. Like the PM in his admission earlier, we did not know all the facts. DD now says I'm sorry to say, the Home Sec's position is now untenable. Sterling performance by DD. Clarke says public safety first duty of any government. yes, there have been systemic failures. Failure of information. It must be corrected. Clarke apologises. Says he will produce information in the form DD requests when he has it in every respect. Final point: First duty of thos ein public life is to take responsibility but to take responsibility to improve the situation. I intend to put things right. End!

Prime Minister's Questions: Live Blog

Bernard Jenkin asks question about the World Bank. Stephen Pound asks planted question about police morale - doesn't even get a joke in. Finishes by asking PM to acknowledge role of Police in "making our communities safer". Laughter from Tory benches. Cameron asks a measured question asking PM to accept that measures taken after July were completely insufficient. Blair reads the first part of his answer. Said put £3million into solving it and extra staff. Says it's now solved. All foreign deportees now dealt with. Blair then tries to say it was happening before 1999. Figures only collected since 1999. Cameron says 288 prisoners released since July. Why did Home Secretary describe it as "very very few people"? Blair talks about extra resources again and said it took time to gt new system into place. Speaking very calmly. Says system is working properly since 1 April. Cameron says he hasn't answered question. Says Clarke was misleading. Attacks Calrke for systemic failure and misleading people about scale of problem. Says Clarke cannot give Home Office leadership it badly needs. Blair repeats point about system now working and 800 people have been sent back since October. Cameron said we learnt this morning we learnt Clarke offered to resign. Did PM know even after Govt told about systemic failure 288 prisoners were not deported. Blair again repeats point about having taken action. ignores Cameron's question about Clarke resigning. Cameron repeats: Did PM know or not. Blair says no, he didn't know the detail. Wrong to say Home Sec concealed the figures. Cameron says Blair should protect public, not his incompetent Ministers' backs. When Govt can't even deport foreign prisoners public is entitled to say enough is enough. Ming Campbell asks if PM feels any sense of embarrassment over incompetence and who dies he feel is responsible for it? Blair repeats his previous points. Seems to be hanging on the 1999 issue, ie insinuating that it happened under Tories too. Ming says if heads are to role shouldn't they not just be civil servants. Says this morning at Home House prison in Stockton a Nigerian prioner eleigble for deportation was seen to walk free into the community. How can the PM not ask for his resignation? Blair again falls beack to repeating his previous points. Looking very uncomfortable. Ignored the Nigerian prisoner point. Bob Wareing asks PM to meet families of armed forces who were killed in Iraq at a meeting at 12.30 today in Cttee Room 16 of the House of Commons. Blair says he yields to no one in his admiration for the armed forces. Ignores Wareing's invitation. David Amess asks what is the rationale to remove British Embassy from the Holy See? i think we'll leave it there, unless David Cameron comes back for another go. I'll cover Charles Clarke's statement and David Davis's reply at 12.30.