Geraldine Dreadful MP Writes ... Aaron Porter, President of the NUS

Dear Mr. President,

Upon watching the most recent student protests in London, I felt it incumbent on me to write to you and express my deepest and most heartfelt congratulations to you on the way in which you have fearlessly led your members into eminently sensible and well thought through protests against this appalling government's viciously unfair student fees policies (which of course we would have implemented too, if we had won the election).

You are to be congratulated for the way in which you have handled the protests, despite the criticisms of the mainstream media and fascist Liberals, who could never understand the needs of student politics. Sometimes, as you and I know, the best way to deal with student poverty is to burn down a bus shelter.

How would the population know 'One solution: Revolution' unless one of the nation's students was to bravely spray paint that slogan on the pedestal of Nelson's Column? How would the world properly appreciate the true nature of the hell portended by the capitalist scum in the coalition government, if one of your brave and loyal followers was not prepared to liberate fire extinguishers and jettison them at the hated police oppressors for the public greater good?

And finally, how could people understand the intricacies of the coalition's student finance and funding proposals without smashing all the glass in Millbank?

I understand, Mr President, that some small minded people might think that your policy of randomly encouraging students and school children even from places where there actually won't be fees to come to London and smash the shit out of the place is misplaced. But, I remember my days in NUS in the nineteen eighties, and it worked perfectly then, and surely nothing's changed.

Yours sincerely,

Geraldine Dreadful MP

Hattip: Ben Archibald of Nabidana.com