Monday, April 05, 2010

Gordon Tries to Delay Election (Again)!

Iain Martin must have had a lot of time on his hands, but he's written a very funny sketch about a conversation which might be had in Number 10 tomorrow morning. Here's an excerpt...

GB (beaming): “Thank you. Come and join us, Sarah. We were just talking about the election and I was saying that if I just had a few more days I could really, really get the Tories and that man Cameron, and then we’d be ahead in the polls and then we could continue the work of change and… and… get on with delivering a fairer future… for… for… Britain?”

Sarah: “Well that’s very interesting Gordon, dear. But I think Ed is right. Gordon, it is time.”

GB (nervously): “You don’t think if we just waited for a few more minutes?”

Sarah (quietly): “No. No more delays. (Quickly brightening again). But what did we discuss last night? What did I tell you Gordon?”

GB (looking pleased as punch): “That I’m going to win the election.”

Sarah (nodding patiently, taking his hand and leading him out of the room and down the corridor toward the front door of Number 10): “Of course you are. And why are you going to win Gordon?”

GB: “Because I saved the banks and then I saved the economy. I’m a serious man for serious times, not like him (glowering now)… that Lord… Lord… Lord Snooty Cameron and his pal Osborne… I am serious and I am going to win and still be prime minister and lead this country into a fairer future for another five years. Or maybe even a bit more than that… anyway, until I can hand over to Ed to continue the work of change.”


Read the whole thing HERE.

12 comments:

northernheckler said...

I guess you had to be there.

Andy JS said...

The very first sentence from the BBC’s Radio 4 news at midnight tonight included the words: “...in what promises to be a close contest”.

2 out of 3 polls today have just shown a 10% lead. Is that close? 10% isn’t far away from the 13% lead Blair won in 1997 and is more than the 9% lead Blair had in 2001. Were those leads described as close? No, I didn't think so.

talwin said...

"......and I could really, really get the Tories and that man Cameron,...."

Sorry. This can't be right. For isn't it the case that Brown is so petty, so socially inadequate, so vindictive that he can't even bring himself to speak Cameron's name?

titus-aduxas said...

Andy,

The boundary changes mean that Labour have a bias in their favour. A 50:50 split would give Labour a 36 seat majority.

javelin said...

Gordon knows he's lost, hence his line Tories will set UK "back on road to recession". He is trying to blame Tories for the forthcoming double dip.

I don't believe there will be a double dip in the private sector. There will be a double dip in the public sector, there will be a double dip in the Labour heart lands where the public sector dominates jobs, there will be a double dip in standards of living as tax will have to rise. There will be a lot of double dips but all of then will be Gordon browns fault.

DespairingLiberal said...

That's about as funny as powdered egg.

I am standing by waiting for your co-ordinated smear campaign against the LibDems. Can you put us out of our misery now and pre-announce what you and CCHQ have cooked up with Tim Montgomerie, Melanie Phillips and Paul Staines? It would save a lot of time and trouble.

Iain Dale said...

Despairing Liberal, Do not try my patience too much or you will find youself banned.

You accuse me of planning smears while making one yourself.

Much more of that and you won't be welcome here any longer. You have been warned.

titus-aduxas said...

"DesparateLiberal said...

That's about as funny as powdered egg.

I am standing by waiting for your co-ordinated smear campaign against the LibDems."

I think Iain has better things to do than waste time on the LimpDims - he has to wash and style his hair, for instance.

DespairingLiberal said...

I was expecting you to ban critical voices as the campaign got started anyway Iain. Leaving just the usual ultra-right headbangers in place of course.

Pogo said...

Please may I make a request - namely that you don't ban "DespairingLiberal"? He/she always gives me a smile and a quiet chuckle...

Admittedly, it's the sort of chuckle saved for the likes of those truly dreadful auditionees on things like "X Factor" who are a personified example of Hom Sap's spectacular powers of self-deception.

You should keep him/her around as "Blog Jester". :-)

DespairingLiberal said...

Thanks Pogo - I aim to please. Good to know I have such a dedicated fan, although many, many others have been in touch with me to ask me to keep going, not just here on the blog but in general.

Antisthenes said...

Yes keep "Despairing Liberal" around, it is a constant reminder of the rubbish the other lot spout.