"I was at an event recently where I was introduced to a huge hog who was called Boris. But he was nothing like our Boris - at least the pig had its hair brushed" - Tory leader David Cameron, on his higher education spokesman, Boris Johnson.
"I was brought up as a Labour voter and it was euphoric when they got into power. I didn't realise it wasn't New Labour at all - it was the Tories dressed in red" - Noel Gallagher, of the pop group Oasis.
"If Iraq is too dangerous for Harry, then it's also too dangerous for Tom and Dick" - Barry Horne of Dunstable, Beds, in a letter to the Daily Mail.
"Look at this smoking ban coming in soon. Ridiculous. This country is run by dull people" - Yorkshire-born artist David Hockney.
"The Government's foreign policy has been worse than a crime. It has been a blunder. Then again, some may argue it the other way around" - Former Tory Foreign Secretary Sir Malcolm Rifkind.
"Do not use for drying pets" - Advice notice on a microwave oven.