Tuesday, March 27, 2007

What if Mandy Offered to Defect?

Apropos defections, I can't remember how we got onto the subject, but on 18 Doughty Street last night I asked the panel what they would say if they were David Cameron and he was called by Peter Mandelson offering to defect to the Conservatives...
"David, you're the only one who can be trusted to be the heir to my beloved
Tony. Only you will see through his marvellous works. If I can be of any help,
any help whatsoever, you know you can count on me..."


My panel was split on what David Cameron's response should be. Mine consisted of two words, the second one of which was 'off'.

64 comments:

Anonymous said...

NO! NO! NO! There isn't a spoon long enough

Auntie Flo'

BOF2BS said...

No problem - go for it - slightly tricky seat though - Scotland - Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath!!

Anonymous said...

There is no way on God's earth that Cameron would win my vote if he gets into bed with Prince Of Darkness. I would go back to the Lib Dems. This man is the architect of the huge damage that's been done to our country.

He should be prosecuted for treason and never allowed to return from the EU. We do NOT want this England hater in England - not even in the House of Lords.

Auntie Flo'

Jean-Pierre said...

SHOCK NEWS

The UK is in the EU

You might remember the last Prime Minister? Dull grey chap? Spent a lot of time hanging out the back of Edwina Currie?

Yeah he had problems with that too.

BOF2BS said...

Auntie Flo' said

".....Cameron would win my vote if he gets into bed with Prince Of Darkness."

You really have to be sooo careful that a selective quotation might be used by the MSM and then goodness knows what might happen!

I'm Mandy fry me said...

Bitch.

Anonymous said...

hBOF2BS gets into bed with Prince Of Darkness and then...mm goodness knows what might happen!

Thank you for your advice about selective quotations, hbOF2BS, you are sooooo right :)

Auntie Flo'

Etzel Pangloss said...

Peter Hitchens' tale impacted your subconscious old chap,

Tony and Dave are the same!

Observer said...

Tony and Dave are the same!


Max Headroom

Anonymous said...

I'm Mandy fry me said...
Bitch.

Drop dead, there's a good little man.

Auntie Flo'

Observer said...

Here they are

Max

Peter said...

Maybe Mandys got the hots for David!!!

I'm Mandy fry me said...

anonymous/Auntie Flo: miaowwww!

Anonymous said...

Oh Mandy

You took and you didn't stop taking
So we sent you away, oh Mandy
Since you came here our whole country's breaking
So please STAY AWAY
from us, Mandy


Auntie Flo'

Anonymous said...

I'm Mandy fry me said...
anonymous/Auntie Flo: miaowwww!

gggrrrrrRRROOAAR!

Auntie Flo'

Tone made me do it - he's a bad influence said...

Meanwhile back in the Gulf, Tone has got the Royal Navy to pose as the Lichtenstein Navy, leaving our service men and women to swing in the wind.

If Tone is going to set the Rules of Engagement like this

1. Why don't we just send the Isle of Wright ferry with a crew of pacifists to police the Gulf, not a pounds 500m war ship, with some (now) highly demoralised seamen.
2. Why not pull the lads out - there's now no point in them being there.

To me, these events are signally to the world the end of our civilisation: our elite can no longer stomach a fight - what if some foreign power comes up the Thames and captures a tourist boat - will our foreign secretary give them and say: "naughty, naughty!"?

I never thought it would come to this; but I'm starting to wonder if its time to live in the US?

Harry Haddock said...

No, no, no. He should't be allowed to defect, he is a defect.

Chris Paul said...

We have been here before. Time and the Con ways. Groundhog day. PM cosying to DC to keep his posting in Brussels with his bijou flat and expansive country seat ... that was it. TB getting put up for Lords by DC if GB won't do it was one of my predictions. PM to Tories could have been.

Anonymous said...

Harry Haddock said...
No, no, no. He should't be allowed to defect, he is a defect.

Nice one, Harry :)

Auntie Flo'

raspberry said...

Iain,

Exposed at last - you're a closet "Swear Blogger"!

Confession time on my part now....

I posted a slightly catty comment, last week, about a posting you made "from my Blackberry." I noticed that you deleted the entire entry soon afterwards.

The truth is that my XDA went into self-destruct early last week. It was just jealousy...sorry!

The 8800 is on order.

jailhouselawyer said...

I make a very nice blackberry jam when the blackberries come into season.

Anonymous said...

The 'Prince of Darkness' has that title for a reason. He wanted to shit on the BBC from a great height. He was the one who went so ballistic when inadvertently outed by Matthew Parris, that not even Have I Got News For You could mention his name for weeks afterwards. He is the classic example of the 'power corrupts' aphorism and is a nasty, vindictive old toxic shit bag who is far better off time-serving in the EU. We don't want that fucker back in Britain anytime in the next century. He even lied to the Guardian about his last interview.

Noël said...

You're absolutely right, Iain. Peter Mandelson should be sent as the UK's Ambassador to Pluto. You could be forgiven for having that response to him in normal conversation, let alone offering to defect. I can think of plenty of people who'd throw strret parties if he did, but suffice to say, they're all paid-up members of the red party.

Anonymous said...

Tory lead cut from 11% to 4% in a poll in the Independent.

Why would anyone defect to a bunch of opportunistic no-hopers?

Guido 2.0 said...

"Nihilist off"...?

Iain Dale said...

I guess you'd know better than me.

mens sana said...

Ain't no church broad enough. Don't we need a consul in Ulan Bator?

raspberry said...

JHL:

you old softie...

You can't wait to get onto "I'm a Celebrity - get me out of here" or "Celebrity Big Brother", can you?

C'mon...you've built up a few guaranteed voters on these blogs! We know you have a kinder side...

Anonymous said...

Iain: S'funny - last time there was a poll showing a big tory lead you couldn't wait to get it onto your blog the night before it was published.

Now that lead has collapsed, not a word!

verity said...

Shithouse Lawyer - I'm sure you could make some nice marmalade as well, if only old ladies didn't irritate you by leaving the lid off.

And this qualifies you how?

Raspberry dijo: "C'mon...you've built up a few guaranteed voters on these blogs!" Yes, among prisoners who will remain forever, by law, members of the non-voting community.

Anonymous said...

Mandelson is a giant of politics. The tories would cut off their right arm to have him aboard.

the dirty duck said...

Verity:

Let's continue with this King Lear theme. Something tells me that you would have enjoyed being in Stratford last night?

Question 1 - Who do you most identify with -

Goneril or Cordelia?

Question 2- Who would you have most enjoyed seeing swinging as "The Fool"?

Your choice...

ghost of michael collins said...

mandy? yeah. you'll win the election. but at what price? losing your soul and getting into government because over 50 per cent of the populaton didnt vote?

we plebs arent stupid.

such tenuous mandates are the makings of extremist dictators. be VERY wary of this. you might get elected, but you wont have a popular mandate.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely, Iain: the second word is 'off', and the only varying opinion can be whether the first word should begin with f, p, s, or b.
'And don't ever come back here again!' should follow.

Honestly, these NuLab tarts - no self-respect.

Anonymous said...

The tories haven't won a general election for 15 years. Mandelson has won 3 in that time - laugh away tory boys.

tory boy said...

Anonymous 1.01 am said:...the tories haven't won a general election for 15 years. Mandelson has won 3 in that time - laugh away tory boys...

Frankly, I'm gutted.

During this time frame, I managed to become a millionaire several times over, whilst paying very little tax on the proceeds.

Gawd bless you Gordon, I say, it was never this easy when the Tories were in charge.

I'm really worried that, when the Tories get back into power, they might close down some of my "angles."

Let's just hope that Gordon gets elected...

verity said...

Dirty Duck writes gnomically: "Verity:

"Let's continue with this King Lear theme. Something tells me that you would have enjoyed being in Stratford last night?"

Haven't a clue what happened in Stratford last night or any other night. I cannot trace any King Lear theme in this thread and therefore conclude that you have gone mad.

I've never been to Stratford in my life and don't believe I've ever knowingly purchased a ticket to anything by the RSC.

mitch said...

It wold show just how"principled" mandy is nifes gordo and runs.

The Remittance Man said...

Personally I'd tell the bugger to eff off.

And as soon as the phone went down a copy of the tape of the call would be on its way to every news organisation whose address was in my rolodex.

Stephen tolkinghorne said...

Cameron's real answer would be: "We're a broad church, Peter. Of course you're more than welcome to join the policy-less vacuum that is the Conservative Party. We'd be delighted to have you."

Marquee Mark said...

Mandy can only join if he promises to bring that nice Mr. Alastair Campbell too...

Marquee Mark said...

Verity,

"...and don't believe I've ever knowingly purchased a ticket to anything by the RSC.

Verity, you tend to know when you have bought a ticket for the RSC, on account of it says "RSC" in big letters on the ticket and generally, they are performing the works of William Shakespeare.

That said, I did once see a particularly exotic floor show in Amsterdam where at the end the well-perforated players did say "...and this production was brought to you by the Royal Shakespeare Company..."**

Marquee Mark



**That's actually a lie.

It was Bangkok.

Roger Thornhill said...

Leak it.

Expose the trecherous "mandacious" parasite for what he is.

Anonymous said...

Mandelson 3, Tories 0

Anonymous said...

Noel & mens sana: Why do people always suggest diplomatic postings for useless tossers? The Americans change personnel at ambassadorial level every time there is a change of Adminstration - which makes life doubly difficult for US Foreign Service officers in pst and policy makers back home. Governments need career officers, not political lapdogs, in these top jobs, not washed up has beens (or never was-es). Nothwithstanding which, I understand Ulan Baator is very pleasant in the summer and yak milk is something to die for!

Anonymous said...

... in post... Sorry

Richard Havers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Richard Havers said...

As Alice Cooper sang

"I want to love you but I better not touch
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
......You're poison"

comment deleted said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

Iain Dale said...

No that post wasn't removed by a blog administrator, actually. No doubt someone is about to cause trouble again... Sigh.

Chuck Unsworth said...

Mandy is defective

penlan said...

He may be the Prince of Darkness but Hell would freeze over before Peter Mandelson defected.He is Old Labour aristocracy as well as a New Labour functionary.Never forget that he is Herbert Morrison's grandson.

Iain Dale said...

Chris was at UEA for his postgraduate degree.

dizzy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Raedwald said...

No, no more publicly funded sinecures for Mandy. Ever.

I suppose it's inevitable that he'll be given a life peerage in Blair's resignation honours list. Though quite how the Lords will cope with his puerile, simpering, snipey, waspish comments such as

"I have no doubt that Gordon Brown would agree with me that, for all his remarkable qualities, he would come over much better were he to agree to wear a veil. Gordon would be first to agree that he looks frankly pretty dreadful without his face covered up" [Private Eye 1170, Oct '06]

I don't know.

Iain Dale said...

Tim Ireland, in case you hadn't noticed, this is a thread about Peter Mandelson. If you want to write about your other obsessions feel free to do so, but on your own blog. If you post anything else off topic it will be deleted.

Iain Dale said...

Right, all comments by Tim Ireland posted on this thread which bear no relation to the topic under discussion are about to be deleted. All associated comments by Dizzy and anyone else are also going to be deleted.

This is the second time in a few days that Tim Ireland has hijacked a blog thread.

He won't be doing it again. If he continues to post comments on this blog which have nothing to do with the topic under discussion he can expect them to be deleted.

Guido 2.0 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Guido 2.0 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Penlan said:

He [Mandleson] is Old Labour aristocracy as well as New Labour functionary. Never forget he is Herbert Morrison's grandson.

Herbert Morrison would disown Mandleson for nulab and his instrumental role in establishing it.

It was Herbert Morrison who created the Green Belt to curtail the sprawl of the polluted cess pit of overcrowded London etc, provide the towns and working people with countryside.

How ironic then that New Labour, so much of it the monstrous creation of Morrison's grandson, Peter Mandleson, should set out to sytematically destroy the Green Belt and the vital green lungs of our towns.

Herbert Morrison would be rightly disgusted.

Auntie Flo'

penlan said...

Auntie Flo-Penlan agrees with you but old Labour are tribal.I live in one of their heartlands unfortunately.

verity said...

Peter Mandelson's mouth is gruesome, isn't it? He is repulsive, both inside and out.

Surely the Tories can dig up enough dirt on this low life to keep him out of the Lords? Keeping him out of Britain would be even better.

David Lindsay said...

It's where he belongs: the Cameroon Party is now the principal vehicle for the New Labour Project.

If you don't like that Project, then you should have left Labour, you should now leave the Tories, and you should soon leave the Lib Dems.

Anonymous said...

Amazing how bitchy you boys get when anyone mentions the name of Baronees Mandelson of Rio. Anyone would think you are all transfixed.

Can't we get him to defect to Iran or somewhere?