Friday, April 10, 2009

20 Sentences Top Bloggers Will Never Write

Dizzy Thinks
I am just not interested in a story which combines technology with tits.

Guido Fawkes
Damian McBride will still be in a job by the end of the month

Tim Montgomerie
A world without America would be a far better place.

Mark Pack
Look, I'm just not interested in a Tory councillor who's fiddled his expenses.

Mike Smithson
This polling lark - it's a bit overdone, isn't it?

Donal Blaney
I totally agree that Obama has proved to be an excellent President.

Archbishop Cranmer
It's a bit overdone, that religion malarkey, isn't it?

Nadine Dorries
Thirty two weeks? No problem, just hand me the coathanger.

Tom Harris
And another thing. Just tell Iain Dale, I'm fed up with him linking to me.

Devil's Kitchen
I say old chap, would you mind awfully if I commented on something. Terribly kind of you.

Danny Finkelstein
Tim Montgomerie is right on tax cuts.

Martin Bright
I have the utmost respect for Geoffrey Robinson and his independence from Gordon Brown.

Ministry of Truth

Ok, I'll write it, but only if I can do it in 30 words or fewer.

John Redwood
We want spending increases. When do we want them? Now!

Boulton & Co
We all can't wait for Adam to get back and give us a break from all this blogging.

Bob Piper
Sandwell's a right ****hole, isn't it?

Chicken Yoghurt
Iain Dale would be a worthy winner of the Orwell Prize, and if he wins I promise to blog twice as often.

Shane Greer
I so hate my hair.

Richard North
The benefits of EU membership have been severely underestimated

Derek Draper
I apologise for accusing Iain Dale of condoning racism.

And I am sure my reader can think of a lot more...


Sally Roberts said...

England Expects - Conservative MEPs do a wonderful job and most of the UKIP MEPs are a total waste of space!

vervet said...

Draper has to perpetuate the accusation and make it personal - the only one to do so - all the others are light-hearted.

No surprise there then .....

Charlotte Gore said...

Or more generically applied to any political blogger anywhere ever:

"Wow... you're so right! I've decided to join your party. That's how right you are."

vervet said...

Just to clarify .... that was a comment I wanted to make rather than an example of something I would never write ... OT I know, but there we go.

Michael said...

Old Holborn: "Peace and love"

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Iain Dale - After careful consideration I have decided to refuse the offer from the Conservative Party to stand as their candidate on any safe seat of my choosing.

Daily Referendum said...

Draper? top blogger? you've just made him a happy man.

Paul said...

Iain Dale: I'd rather not make you aware of any upcoming media appearances of mine.

Adam Smith Institute: Keynes was right when he said...

Old Holborn said...

Iain sweetie,

Do you think these curtains go with my outfit?

Doug said...

The line concerning Nadine Dorres is rather provocative. Coat hangers are not used in any legal abortions. To suggest otherwise in jest or not is very unfair.

Paul Pinfield said...

Derek Draper - On second thoughts, I'll have a shower and a shave and... send my MA back.

Plato said...

Devil's Kitchen:

"Alcohol Concern are doing a really valuable public service."

Plato said...

And Mr Draper will be creaming himself at being in your top ten.

"I studied at the Wright Institute"

Rightwinggit said...

"Thirty two weeks? No problem, just hand me the coathanger."

Jesus Christ Iain, even I winced at that one...

And I managed to slightly shock Obnoxio once!

TipTop said...

Iain Dale & Shane Greer:

Being on TV, I just can't stand it....

Conand said...

Iain Dale: I won't be on the telly on Election Night. I'll be watching some Skyplussed horse racing and drinking Gin.

The Lakelander said...

Iain Dale:

"I'm bored with all these lists and stat p0rn is sooooo tedious...."

an ex-apprentice said...

Oxo the Clown - I've installed an anti-swearing algorithm.

Iain Dale - The Conservative's should promise to bring back Section 28.

Simon Gardner - The EU are the devil's spawn.

Subrosa - I think sycophancy is a dying art.

Cassandra - Islam is the religion of peace.

Anna Raccoon - People who talk to themselves are crackers.

Dick the Prick - Not a drop has passed my lips.

Oldrightie - I disagree with you.

Mrs Plato - I think I'm falling for Dolly....swoon!

Chris Paul - Never use thirty words when one will do.

Mr Tomlinson (blogging from the other side) - Aren't our policemen wonderful.

Mark M said...

Derek Draper - I'm a tool. I'm a tool. I'm a tool, tool, tool, an
unbelievably annoying tool

(Thanks Scrubs)

davidtbreaker said...

I'm not exactly a famous blogger -despite my endless plugging of - but I do have a reputation in some things. You will never hear me support compulsary purchase orders, leftist riots or the EU, for starters anyway...

someday said...

Have you declared Old Holborn a non-person?

Cranmer said...

Err... actually, His Grace would be wholly in accord with the sentence attributed to him. There is nothing wrong with religion in moderation. But it has indeed been completely overdone. It tends to lead to systemic religiosity and even religionism, to which the tedious religionist vainly clings for the salvation of his soul whilst becoming a stumbling block to those who genuininely seek truth.

Faith, on the other hand...

Easter blessings.


Roger Thornhill said...

Kerry McCarthy: Charity begins at home.

Honeyball MEP: I'll hold my tongue until I find out more about this.

Guido: They deserve every penny.

Prezza: I don't.

John Redwood MP: Property is theft

Iain Dale: before Polly had finished banging her gums I punched her in face.

Old Holborn: All proceeds of this site are now going to the NSPCC.

Burning Our Money: Phwoar, look at the norks on that!

Obnoxio: ...and there has been a 2.6% rise year on year to the PSBR.

Archbishop Cranmer: Ohmmmmmmmm

jailhouselawyer said...

Jailhouselawyer: BNP supports prisoners votes

Except I just have...

Happy Easter to one and all.

subrosa said...

Oh ex-apprentice you do flatter me. I've never bowed to anyone in my life and I don't intend to start now.

My contribution:

'Old Holborn
Just finished a course of hypnotherapy and I will never swear again.'

Oscar Miller said...

Bob Quick - I was only following the government's transparency policy.

JuliaM said...

Tim Ireland: "Obsessive, you say? You know, you're right, I must do something about that..."

jailhouselawyer said...

JuliaM: I must write something nice about someone one day rather than simply just jump on any passing bandwagon in an attempt to gain popularity.

Oscar Miller said...

Damien McBride - I am a disgusting, corrupt shit working on the orders of the most psychologically flawed Prime Minister in the annals of British history.

JuliaM said...

Jailhouselawyer: "Actually, I think most people in this country are right after all - criminals really are scum..."

jailhouselawyer said...

JuliaM: Scum is taking advantage of Tim Ireland because you are aware he cannot respond on here because of Iain Dale's censorship policy.

JuliaM said...

'Taking advantage of him...'?

You do know what this thread is about, don't you? I don't see anyone else whinging, they are taking it in the spirit in which it's intended.

Besides, he can always fall back on his MiniMe, can't he...?

Oh, and read up on what 'censorship' actually is, before you start flinging the word about. He isn't 'censored' at all, just forbidden from commenting here. Which is Iain's private property, and so his to set rules of conduct.

He's got his own blog, for gawd's sake! Hardly anyone else's fault very few people visit, is it?

jailhouselawyer said...

JuliaM: "He isn't 'censored' at all, just forbidden from commenting here".

Shock horror, woman gets her knickers in a twist...

JuliaM said...

Iain isn't an official of the state, is he..?

Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary: "Censor: One who supervises conduct and morals: as a) an official who examines materials (as publications or films) for objectionable matter; b) an official (as in time of war) who reads communications (as letters) and deletes material considered harmful to the interests of his organization."

I'm not 'censoring' a puppy if I whack it with a rolled up newspaper because it piddles on the rug. It's free to piddle outside.

Iain obviously doesn't want Ireland piddling on his rug, and is wielding the rolled up newspaper here, on his blog, as is his right.

Tim said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
tory boys never grow up said...

Iain Dale: Thatcherism is over.

Not a sheep said...

NotaSheep - The BBC news really does give unbiased coverage of all viewpoints.

WV - alistowe - Lovely girl, I think I dated her in the 1980s

Letters From A Tory said...

Letters From A Tory: You know, writing a letter to someone every day is probably not the best way to blog.

Damon Lord said...

Theo Spark - Today's selection of totty will be hunky muscular men, with fit, firm buttocks and strong oiled torsos, with the afore-mentioned chaps in the skimpiest of G-strings and Y-fronts.

Tim said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.