Tuesday, December 06, 2005

And the Winner is...


In a few hours time new leader of the Conservative Party will be preparing for PMQs. Last night the Davis diehards held an end of campaign party to thank all those who had worked on the campaign. We held it at the campaign office in Victoria Street. Quite a number of MPs were there as well as the staffers and volunteers. Bearing in mind the press are acting as if they already know the result the mood was rather cheerful! Among those present were Andrew Mitchell, Damian Green, Nick Herbert, Paul Goodman, Shailesh Vara, James Brokenshire, the Wintertons, David Davies, Patrick Mercer, Dominic Grieve, John Baron, David Willetts (Guido Fawkes to note!), David Ruffley, Richard Spring and a host of others. Andrew Mitchell made an extremely witty speech and then it was my turn to introduce the campaign awards. No doubt several of them will find their way into diary columns anyway so Andrew Mitchell agreed I should post some of them here for your delectation! Anyone without a fully developed sense of humour had better stop reading NOW!

MOST IRRITATING CAMPAIGN SLOGANS

This is the end of the era of spin (DD)
We're all in this together (DC)
Championing the victims of State failure (DD)
The Broken Society (LF)

And the winner is.. "Sharing the proceeds of growth" (DC)

MOST FEARED WORDS OF THE CAMPAIGN

Anyone: Have you seen what's in the Daily Mail today?
DD: So what's the latest on the speech?
Andrew Mitchell: Let's have a leak inquiry!
Derek Conway: I think Nadine's fully signed up
DD: Get me a helicopter
Juliet, DD's secretary: I've got David on the line for you
Gloria, DD's secretary: I've had a 'pink pussy'

THE AWARD WITH NO NAME

Sadly, despite pleadings with Derek Conway, he couldn't come up with a printable name for this award, so we invited people to name it themselves... Sadly all the suggestions so far are still unprintable. But the clue is in the nominees...

Nominations include John Maples, Alan Duncan, Nadine Dorries, Anne Main, Adam Holloway, Stewart Jackson, James Duddridge...

We love them all. No, really, we do.

TOP SEVEN THINGS LEAST LIKELY TO BE SAID ON THE DD CAMPAIGN

DD - I want to share the proceeds of growth
Nick Wood - We don't want to have a row in the press about this
DD - Isn't the Daily Mail a great newspaper?
Derek Conway - I think I want Greg Barker as my deputy
David Willetts - I agree entirely that we need a £38 billion tax cut
Campaign receptionist: David? No one here by that name...
DD - Don't worry about a helicopter, a 2CV will do me

BEST QUOTE OF THE CAMPAIGN

On hearing DD say on Woman's Hour that DD preferred briefs to boxers, Ashley Crossley (Head of Research) was heard to comment: "Well he's lost the gay vote, then!"

Andrew Mitchell: So why exactly does Cameron have more supporters on his website than we have on ours?
William Norton (campaign team): Because he's got more supporters, Andrew.

At the London hustings...
William Norton: Would you like a Davis leaflet, sir?
Tobias Ellwood MP: Er, no I'm an MP and I'm a declared Cameron supporter
William Norton: Don't worry, there aren't any long words in it

David Davis: I'll have to go, my helicopter's at the door!

Beat that!

The one thing you can safely say about the DD campaign is that we never lost a sense of humour. Whoever wins this afternoon is going to need to keep theirs for the next four years!

4 comments:

Guido Fawkes Esq. said...

Very sporting.

Jonathan Sheppard said...

Tres amusant!

Good to have you back blogging.

Jonathan Sheppard said...

You couldn't make some of them up could you!

James Hellyer said...

"Don't worry, there aren't any long words in it"

Too true.