I write incensed, angered, nauseated and engulfed in a bizarre zen-like trance by recent reports in newspapers that you intend to reduce the budget of the Department of Work and Pensions by some £4bn.
As you are no doubt aware, the budget for this country's social welfare system is the crowning glory of the nation's compassionate achievements, almost all undertaken by Labour administrations. The Englishman's house, even when a local-authority provided house, is his castle, and the regular income from social welfare is the tithe paid by an appreciative government for the
When I spoke to you about this in the tunnel between Portcullis House and the Palace, I thought you had agreed that point. You certainly said 'Yeah, right' and your unblinking smile would have been taken, in the Labour Party, as clear accord.
As unanimously agreed at last night's plenary meeting of the Hammer East Labour Left Anti-Horseriding Fêtes and Gardenparties Subcommittee, reducing social welfare budgets would inevitably reduce the choices open to citizens - the right not to be a slave to the multinational conglomerate dominated 'economy' is one we should value immensely, and it is not your role to question the right of people to repair from the tragedy of the lamentable capitalist Armageddon constantly touted by the hated Conservatives and Lickspittle Democrats (Angela Eagle wants credit for that one if it's used) to their own homes.
As usual, your proposals mask hidden costs. A reduction in those numbers available to watch daytime television would result in reduced advertising revenues, reduced trade for debt consolidation consultants and the possible discontinuation of important socially valuable television programmes such as the trifecta of Cash in the Attic shows and Jeremy Kyle.
In brief, Chancellor, as predicted, you are a thundering disgrace and I look forward to crossing swords with you on the floor of the Commons. Sod the two swordlengths apart.
Geraldine Dreadful MP