Friday, September 03, 2010

Geraldine Dreadful MP Writes ... to Tony Blair

Dear Tony

First of all, allow me to congratulate you on the very successful publication of your memoirs; I bought some thirty copies for the various initiatives around the constituency of Sickle and Hammer East which had their genesis in your powerful social democratic vision; parliamentary expenses well spent, I'm sure you'll agree.

Of course, your portrayal of key events has been deeply controversial; just last night the Sickle New Collective of Not-For-Profit-Enterprises Forum debated your unfathomable attacks on Gordon Brown, whom we had always known as a genial, relaxed, well adjusted man. In addition, the children-with-children group at the Hammer East Michael Foot Memorial Sure Start have mandated me to demand you put some facts straight in the second edition of the book.

On page 27, despite your visit to the Midlands having been dominated by a visit to the Hammer East Roy Hattersley Sports Omniplex in August 1998, you do not mention me or the constituency once. I'm sure you can't have forgotten the organic fair trade Raw Chocolate and Oat sandwiches our Men Against Sexism in Catering group created!

On page 64, you don't mention the conversation you and I had outside the Gents' toilets outside the Stranger's Gallery, despite this having come immediately after your important briefing on Northern Ireland. I mentioned to you that I had once been to Belfast.

When you do mention me, finally, on page 104, you refer to me as a 'leftover from the dark days of militant tendency'. I was never a member of Militant Tendency, as I felt their protoreductionist critique of Thatcher's acceptance of S 1 Para 17 subclause 6 of the Exchange Rate Mechanism guidance notes was unnecessarily Trotskyist. I wrote to you about this in 1990.
Finally, the war on Iraq was illegal, whether you like it or not.

Other than that, the book is excellent, and it's refreshing to read the thoughts of a genuine hero of the Labour movement. I hope you will agree to implement the changes in the book, as it would surely be a harsh challenge to natural justice if the contribution of the loyally Marxist constituency of Sickle and Hammer East during your sparkling premiership were to be excised from history.

Yours fraternally,

Geraldine Dreadful

With a nod and a hattip to Ben Archibald of


Anonymous said...

Thanks Iain - love it!

tapestry said...

and who did most to reduce the role of an MP to meaninglessness? the deluded manipulator himself.

(note how Dale has changed from an aspirant to a satirist)

Ben said...

tapestry must be on crack. I'm the satirist.

tapestry said...

Yes, Ben, you are. But Iain didn't pass on this MP-spoofing stuff when he was aspiring to be one.

Your comment is a self-parody.

Jimmy said...

"I'm the satirist."

And I'm the Pope.

Ben said...

@tapestry, Yes, it is. Thank you for noticing.