Friday, June 20, 2008

Save the Chipmunk!

Danny Finkelstein has evidence of Labour in meltdown.

Politely talking to one Labour member, while in the presence of a member of the Shadow Cabinet, I asked him gently to what he thought we owed Labour's decline in the polls. Instead of giving an involved explanation he replied:

Oh that's easy to explain. Our Leader is utterly useless. If you asked him which of the two doors from this room he was going to exit from he would be incapable of choosing. And if someone else chose the door for him he wouldn't be able to make his way there.

Yesterday, chatting with one of his colleagues, I learned that Gordon Brown was not the only one to earn contempt:

The one good thing about global warming is that as the waters rise, Hazel Blears will drown first.

How very dare he!

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

Perhaps she should be tied to a throne, like King Canute, in order to see which of the NuLab 'Brothers' will rescue her? Might be a long and soggy wait...

Anonymous said...

Save the Chipmunk - Sell the Audi !!

dirtyeuropeansocialist: said...

So bringing 11 years of consecutive economic growth is a sign of incompetence. And prnotecting us from islamic nazis is a sign of weakness. Our leader makes Stalin look like John Major. Ilsamic NAZIs are gouing to gets their asses whooped.

Harry Basset said...

Sorry Iain, neither the Chipmunk or any other labour politician will drown first. They will expect taxpayers/voters to form human pyramids so they can stand on our shoulders. Pretty much as they have done for the last eleven years.

Anonymous said...

I can't stand Hazel Blears or Gordon Brown for that matter.

wrinkled weasel said...

Since I appear to be the subject of a blanket ban by The Times I shall put it here...

A commenter called Richard wrote, in reply to DF's piece:

"Meltdown indeed. They know they're on the way out and are trying to force as much change as possible before being politely (but firmly) shoved out of office for the next decade..."

You may remember that in another era this was called a "scorched earth" policy. In other words Labour are going to do as much damage to our social and financial infrastructure as they can before they are kicked out. They will do this because, like all dogmatists they labour under the delusion that they have a divine revelation of what is right. You can see it in their eyes, just like a cult leader.

On they very last day of this administration they will be busy doing two things; destroying our country and destroying the evidence.

Albion's rousing defenders of Hazel said...

Fresh from the defence of Shami against the heretick Burham, Albion's defenders must again rise from their sleep 'neath the hallowed English hill to defend another fair maid of this Isle.

Who defames this siren of Salford? Must we sack the Times and force the name of her calumniator from the lips of the Italian known as Da Fink?

When of old we jousted, maids none so beauteous as Hazel would tie their favours to our upraised lances and we would we fight until weltering on our gore, fight only for a smile.

That a man hold his chivalry so cheap - an Hibernian, I have no doubt, the cabinet is poxed with their kind - to suggest she might die beneath the rising waters.

It shall not be. As the waters rise, her detractors shall die beneath our swords, and though we may die (well my men will, I shall be directing operations from a nearby motor yacht), weighed down by our armour, we shall build a cairn of Labour MPs upon which hazel may be borne, her natural Monsanto Purple (TM) hair flowing on the wind, borne aloft that she may breathe and live, live to lead the nation from plashy ruin.

She must be saved to stand on the White Cliffs of Dover, and, Churchillan, lead us in defence against the hordes of climate change refugees who will throng the shores of France and wish they too to come to Albion's shores.

Find your own Hazel, ye foreign hordes. Labour you may drown your entire cabinet, indeed we have a horse-trough you may borrow for the purpose should climate change not oblige and my knights will help should any resist. But not Hazel. Her likeness is engraved inside our breastplates, closest to our hearts. We will stand, swords drawn behind none other, and if we die in defence our land we must, it will be with 'Hazel!' on our lips.

strapworld said...

dirtyeuropeansocialist: obviously lives in a different world to the rest of us. Obviously in the Brown Bunker working for this incompetent shower!

11 years of throwing away the family silver (never mind the selling of gold when the gold market was at its lowest!)resulting in the bloody mess the country is in now!

Protecting us from Islamic Nazi's. Oh Yes! letting them out on bail failure to deport ANY of them through the Human Rights Act brought in by this incompetent shower!

Brown is compared to a 'leader' This country has had many great leaders. Proud men and women. We have had lousy leaders who did attempt, but failed, at leadership.

We have,at the moment, a man who has shown no ability whatsoever to 'lead'. He is a total disaster.

But dirtyeuropeansocialist dont listen to me! Wait till the next general election -which I believe will be forced on this rotten government much earlier than the two years they believe it will take - The next general Election will see the demise of a once great movement. The Labour Movement. A Party dedicated to the working man and woman. It has failed them and they will make this Labour Government regret it!

I have never known such anger, in the working man's club I attend, against this incompetent shower!

Alex said...

dirtyeuropeansocialist: said...
"So bringing 11 years of consecutive economic growth is a sign of incompetence."

You might have meant to put a question mark at the end of that statement, so assuming you did the answer is not necessarily. Pushing up GDP by increasing government spending and is the oldest trick in the book and impresses no-one, because it always ends up in a sticky mess. That it has continued for eleven years is a testament to the state of the economy in 1997, and the history of the previous 18 years. Name one large private sector investment (not government funded / PFI / PPP etc) in the last 11 years. Hard, isn't it?

Dick the Prick said...

Anyone wanna buy a cheap computer?
One careless owner.

TrevorH said...

"So bringing 11 years of consecutive economic growth is a sign of incompetence"

Dear D-E-S, you believe in your statistical daydreams if you want. The reality as we all know is far different.

In respect of growth BTW, this is merely the by-product of untrammelled immigration. a statistical quirk.

Growth per head is virtually static, we are no better off.

dirtyeuropeansocialist:: said...

The daily telegraph skethc writers are saying the PM is clumsy around other leaders but maybe this is because he has one eye. Surely you would lack some co-ordination if you lost an eye. I think the telegrpah are gowing low on this one.

Anonymous said...

...or they'll be doing it to leave as big a mess as possible for the next lot in the hope (justified, probably) that they won't be able to sort it out.

Joyce

Glyn H said...

Could one point out to Dirty European Socialist that so good was the economy in 1997 that it has taken the 9 years since prudence was locked in the attic for Gordons debauched, incompetent, corrupt and partisan stewardship to bring its long overdue chickens home to roost?

justoneglass said...

"...before being politely (but firmly) shoved out of office for the next decade..."

What a very pessimistic view! We need them completely destroyed, never to return.

A decade indeed (choke). It'll take longer than that to repair the damage caused since 1997.

Anonymous said...

She won't drown if she's put on a higher landing in prison for breaching the official secrets act ....

Blue Eyes said...

I was going to comment that it is obvious that all the problems the country now faces are a direct result of Mrs Thatcher and Mr Major - but DES beat me to it.

Dave H. said...

Chipmunks can swim and this one will have a retreat high on a Tuscan mountain. Besides, Donald Trump might offer to carry her on his head.

Poor old Shami ChakrabartifatchanceIspelthatright would be at risk too, she's been minaturised. On interview, you notice how the camera tilts steeply downwards but you have no idea of scale until you see her dwarfed by a person next to her, like on HIGNFY. Dwarfed by Ian Hislop?

Mind you, after her appearance on that program I'd have offered carry her on my head.

(BTW her excessive fury over this D² slur by Burnahm actually makes me wonder if there's something in it)

verity said...

Agreed WW - except they won't be "shoved out of office for the next decade" because the Labour Party is in terminal meltdown. Westminster is populated by gurning, shrieking, greedy yahoos, both hands in the taxpayers' pocket, which they pick while swinging from the Westminster chandeliers by their feet.

Power mad and money mad and caution long left to blow in the wind. As Ed Balls cried, in the disgracefully revised version of Hansard "How weak!" They're all off on the EU gravy train anyway. Like Tony and his fat, greedy, crude wife. Surely there is a place at the top table for the tragically bulimic John Prescott? And his son will probably need a job.

If we thought Glenys and Neil Kinnock were thieving monkeys, wait until the Blair/Brown hordes leap on board that gravy train. The upside is, it will carry them out of Britain.

Alan Douglas said...

"Save the Chipmunk!"

Why ?

Alan Douglas

Jilted John said...

Perhaps she should be tied to a throne, like King Canute, in order to see which of the NuLab 'Brothers' will rescue her?

and as the waters rise, doubtless she will still be saying "there is no water...look, this isn't water...listen, if you talk to my constituents then you'll find that what they are interested in is the brilliant work that this government has done irrigating the land...water isn't the story here...bllppbllpppbllppplbbl..."

as that ghastly rictus sinks below the dank waters of the engorged Thames, never more to spout b******s about how black really is white because Labour say so.

Lord elvis of paisley said...

PMSL!

Penfold said...

Could we find a ducking stool for the chipmunk and save the wait for this so-called, alledged global warming tsunami of water that is to engulf us?.

angelneptunestar said...

What a horrible thing to say. You should have compassion, because it is hard to go through life when you have been chopped off at the kneecaps.

dirtyeuropeansocialist:: said...

The PM is the most popular on the planet.
Read the FT.
http://blogs.ft.com/westminster/2008/06/brown-the-worlds-most-popular-leader-except-for-ban-ki-moon/

i spy strangers said...

The delightful chipmunk will be fine. She'll just follow that Chingford lad's advice and get on her bike, heading for higher ground.

Anonymous said...

The PM is the most popular on the planet.

hahahahahahah. HAHAHAHAHAhahahahahah.

FFS. He's only marginally more popular than Mugabe.

The PM is most opular on planet: said...

Here is a link to the FT blog showing the UK PM is the most popular leqader on the planet.

Ian Thorpe said...

Yeah, I like Hazel - well OK I like petite redheads with a penchant for wearing leathers.

Mind you, the teeny one probably has enough nous to et her leathers on (nice arse)fire up her Harley and head for the high ground. Or at least sit on Godon's shoulders.

A link you'll like from me today Iain, a different angle on Andy Burnham's personal meltdown in Progress.

Chris Paul said...

Let's see ... Bob Marshall Andrews or Alan Simpson? Plus Ian Stewart?

tuff on the causes of chipmunk said...

I smell labour said @ 3:25:

'The delightful chipmunk'

Oh God! In the same way that suffering typhoid is delightful?
I hope she doesn't get on her bike, she gives a bad name to bikers everywhere.
Many many many (ordinary, hard, working, parent, children, single, stakeholder, posh, married, unmarried, minority, unminority, unmajority, sexual, asexual , trendy, mod, rocker and partnered) people can be innocently enjoying a lovely summers day when they hear the name of the Chipmunk. This quickly leads to them feeling distinctly unwell.
At the moment there is no advice on NHS Direct services as to how citizens should react when subjected to an attack of Chipmunk.
The traditional remedy (not endorsed by the GMC) is to lock yourself in a quiet, darkened room and proceed to scream and cry until you collapse sobbing.
All broadcasters should issue a warning before showing audio or video containing the Chipmunk or any reference to the Chipmunk; as was the case with the warning: 'Viewers should be warned that the following clip may include Cherry Bliar'.
The Church of England have already questioned their God on his independent decision to create: Caroline Flint, Ed Balls, Yvette Complete-Balls, Cliff Richard, Tony McNumpty, Sister Wendy Alexander, Wee Dougie Alexander , Ditherer McAvity and that totally inane one who is the home secretary sort of, oh yeah Jaqui Smith.
As yet God has given no personal reply but has issued the following statement:

'Whateva! Yeah OK, I think I might have ****** up. I iz busy innit!'

Chris Paul said...

PS Fabulous Tory ignorance on the Canute story btw.

Anonymous said...

"11 years of throwing away the family silver (never mind the selling of gold when the gold market was at its lowest!)"

- on reviewing the gold price chart of that time (1999) I see that our genius of a Chancellor actually created an all time low

- the price has risen steadily ever since.

Unsworth said...

@ Chris Paul

And Nulab ignorance is any better?

Paul Pinfield said...

Iain, this post raises the (perhaps to obvious) question, if they think he is so poor and surrounded by puppets like Blears, why on earth don't they get rid?

Why support him on 42 days, thereby giving him a glimmer of hope? I think they deserve each other.

Lord James Bigglesworth said...

As seceretary of the Drown Chippie Group, I wholeheartedly thank you for this post.

tapestry said...

The Lisbon fiasco is surely a nail in Gordon's coffin.

He'll have no idea what to do or say next. He'll be lost without his Lisbon to push everyone around with.

Broon's Talking Bawgie said...

@ anonymous at 5.14pm

Quite so, gold traders apparently refer to this moment as "Brown's Bottom".

Merseymike said...

But as the Tories really don;pt have very much in the way of alternative policies, I'd give them about 6 months until the general dissatisfaction transfers to them.

I don't say that with any great pleasure, even though I am not a tory, but the real differences between the party programs are not great, and the room for manoeuvre is really quite marginal anyway.

javelin said...

The philosophical term for Gordon Brown is Buridan's ass.

On Wiki ...

"Buridan's ass is a figurative description of a man of indecision. It refers to a paradoxical situation wherein an ass, placed exactly in the middle between two stacks of hay of equal size and quality, will starve to death since it cannot make any rational decision to start eating one rather than the other."

However I believe the MP has gone a step further and said that as long as there were two stacks of hay in the room (not necessarily equidistant) Gordon would still be unable to decide.

Baruch Spinoza in his Ethics, suggests that a person who sees two options as truly equally compelling cannot be fully rational.

Chipmunks on the otherhand lose their freewill through loyalty - just like Traudl Junge.

Anonymous said...

strapworld said...

"The next general Election will see the demise of a once great movement. The Labour Movement. A Party dedicated to the working man and woman. It has failed them and they will make this Labour Government regret it!

I have never known such anger, in the working man's club I attend, against this incompetent shower!"

verity said...

"...they won't be "shoved out of office for the next decade" because the Labour Party is in terminal meltdown."

Yes. It is the core labour vote that has most suffered, and now most hates, these nulab buffoons. It's not just that nulab has failed its supporters, it's that it has betrayed them, humiliated them, and treated them with contempt.

The former labour supporters now want rid of that party once and for all. There will be no return to government. Difficult though that may be for labour intellectuals like chris paul and foreign dirtbag to understand.