Yesterday I took delivery of my new car, which I have been waiting nearly a year for. Boy was it worth the wait. I make no apology for loving cars. And I absolutely adore this one. If you could drive a multiple orgasm, you'd be steering an Audi S5. Perhaps driving it on its first day to Upton Park was not the ideal first outing for it, but it survived to tell the tale. I did think about not blogging this momentous event, as I know what abuse I am going to get in the comments, but seeing as though this is a diary it would be cheating not to. So let's get it out the way...* How dare you buy a car which is a one man global warming machine? Easy. I wouldn't be seen dead in a Prius and it's my choice.
* You're going through a mid life crisis. Yep. Since I was 19.
* You're just showing off. Yep. Well wouldn't you?
* It's just a penis extension. You should see the gear stick.
There, I think that just about covers it. So go on, do your worst. [battens down hatch and goes to bed].
PS Am I the only one who gets emotional at seeing an old car go? I had my previous Audi for five years and loved it. Leaving it at the dealership seemed wrong. Almost cruel. Why did my eyes get a bit moist when I left it? Silly old Hector.
79 comments:
Silly old twat, more like! It's just a car, Iain. Grow up!
The only car I bought from new was a Citroen BX and I kept it for 10 years and 150,000 miles. It cost me a fortune and I never buy new cars now. You will learn, my son. You will learn....
Iain, I suppose the car you regretted was not your last 4x4 hippopotamus but the A4 cabriolet, a gentleman's conveyance made before the Audi range suffered its horrid face drop. Puritanically plain and all the better for it.
As for the styling of the S5, I will not rain on your meringue. If I were young and anxious to impress (as I was so long ago) I would have a Brera with its cruel eight-eyed spider's gaze and immaculate profile, and damn the reliability and resale values.
is it mean of me to keep clicking on the brian paddick banner in your ads as many times as i can to make him have to pay more?
"I like driving in my car."
Would it be even more thrilling to drive outside your car?
Strange but I was looking at the Audi myself but I like the old A6 best. Pity they had to update.
Nice motor!
"PS Am I the only one who gets emotional at seeing an old car go?"
Nope. When I changed my first car - Jag Sov 3.6 BRG - for a Jeep Grand Cherokee (4.0) I got a bit teary. I did love the Jag so much.
On the bright side, the Jeep is even more comfortable (especially the seats, surprisingly), and being a 4x4, even more likely to arouse the ire of veggie eating lefties. Result!
I live without a car - not in the UK. No back trouble. Less stress. More money.
When back in UK on visits I enjoy one day behind the wheel then I'm happy to return to taxi-life. To me not having to bother with cars is one of the big benefits of leaving the UK.
(taxis in Philippines are about 80 pence a ride in city centre, or GBP 1.50 for longer trips up to an hour).
Living down the road from you, I shall keep an eye out for your monster - whilst driving through TW in my small S4 Avant. Of course, you have gone for a manual shift but I prefer auto and no protruding gear stick!
Personally I reckon you're a brave guy buying a new car.I'd be s**t scared of leaving it alone for more than 5 seconds, wouldn't want to leave it in any car park in case the wally parking next to it opened a door onto it,or rammed a trolley at it.Wouldn't leave it parked on a road in case of theft,vandalism or being keyed.Wouldn't want to go through the twice daily routine of in and out of the garage.Wouldn't really want to drive it, in case of an accident however small, it's never the same after it has been repaired.Wouldn't want the hassle of weekly cleaning or the expense of servicing such a vehicle. Wouldn't dare to have any boozers,smokers,pets or children as passengers in case of incidents.
Oh, what the hell....enjoy, Iain,
shallow shallow shallow :)
Why should you be made to feel ashamed for driving such a beautiful car? That car contains some of the finest engineering mankind has produced (and goes like the proverbial off a shovel). Perhaps we should tackle the massive population explosion as a means of controlling alleged global warming, rather than trying to demonise drivers (of course that means offending catholics and muslims by suggesting that condoms are a good thing). Feel free to enjoy that car, nothing but love here (except for huge amounts of envy ;) )
Yes, it's your choice, never mind the impact on the planet. It's all about you, the rest of the world isn't woth giving a **** about. Good to see some traditional Tories still around.
Haven't Skoda come a long way...
Cars are great and have given lots of freedom to lots of people, but there are just do damn many rules and restrictions and regulations to follow these days and they are so expensive that I think it's best to do without them if you can. Living in London I have that privilege. Even though most things in London are much more expensive than in the provinces, not needing to own a car I would say offsets a lot of the extra costs here.
So enjoy your Audi, Iain, but I don't think I'll join you.
I wept when they came to collect several of my former cars, so no, it's not just you.
That S5, though, isn't it a bit gay? Oh, er ... :o)
Didn't you take deliverey of a new car only a year or so ago?
I remember my huge excitement on taking delivery of a TT years ago. So good luck.
PS
Well done getting a manual shift. BGTW, the only Audi with automatic transmission I have driven was a coupe and the transmission ended up needing replacing. We got rid of it instead.
These latter day NSU 1200 TT's look quite smooth.
Anonymous 8.22, I wanted to get this a year ago and advertised my car for sale, but the model I originally wanted was not available, so it's taken a year to get. Worth it though!
And to the person who asked what else you could be but 'in' when driving, the heading for this post is a lyric from a song by Madness.
Enjoy it Iain. I liked the look of the S5 when I first saw it, but I can't help thinking they've got it wrong. It's too conservatively styled to have a lasting impression. It looks like a Peugeot coupe and they've dated badly....
FFS, get real a car is just a lump of steel and plastic, a mobile armchair that takes you from A to B.
What an ugly car.
My wife gets emotional about old cars. Can't understand it myself, must be a woman thing.
To continue the quotation from Madness:
"I like driving in my car,
...it's not quite a Jaguar..."
That's the funny thing about Audi owners; they're always having to defend the marque:
"no, it's not a re-badged Volkswagen"
"it's just as good as the equivalent model from Mercedes or BMW - honest!"
"it doesn't share any parts with a Skoda."
No doubt you watch the Audi channel too?
My word verification came up as "famwankx" - is that coincidental to the topic?
Good for you, Iain. Sod the eco-nuts. But I don't want to hear any more about this gear stick.
hello, Verity
Iain's title is taken from the lyrics to a song by Madness:-
I like driving in my car, it dont look much but Ive been far
I like driving in my car, even with a flat tyre
I like driving in my car, its not quite a jaguar
yours, pop picker
Sad, but if it makes you happy .....
I have a new Passat diesel estate, after years of landrovers (I got misty eyed too - but it had to go).
God, I cannot tell you how much I am saving on fuel. I also cannot believe just how quick a turbo diesel is these days. Unless you are a real speed freak (like Iain clearly is - as the S5 is a 350 bhp V8 4.2 litre, £40,000 MONSTA!!!), I don't see why anyone would want to buy a petrol car again.
My 2 litre diesel passat is quicker than my wife's golf 1.6.
Johan Hari's LOver! I bet the CO2 emmissions on Iain's new car are lower than his old one - so surely it is better that we are constantly replacing old technology with new cleaner, greener (and in Iain's case - MEANER) technology?
Or would you prefer us to go back to the horse and cart?
Adrian, I don't want anyone to be misled, so I had better come clean and say that your assumption is wrong...
Yes, it's your choice, never mind the impact on the planet. It's all about you, the rest of the world isn't worth giving a **** about. Good to see some traditional Tories still around.
Iain's car all on its own is going to kill off the cuddly seals or something. Get real.
You would have been a great supporter of Oliver Cromwell had you been around. A cruel hearted puritan.
How can you tell from Iain's choice of car whether he produces more or less CO2 than anyone else?
Enjoy it Iain, while you still can.
Very nice car and there's nothing wrong with anything from VW - just drove the 750 miles from Dresden to London in a Phaeton averaging 78mph and 37mpg...
I would have though verity was into madness.
Your money. If you want to spend it on an overpriced, over-polluting substitute for manhood that you will only very rarely be able to drive fast, will usually have huge difficulty in parking and which some doped, drunk herbert will undoubtedly key within a month - and pay the insurance premiums and perhaps parking permit fees that go with car ownership, then it's your choice (but it does blow "rational economic man" as a concept out of the water!). I haven't owned a car since (a) I left a company that paid for it for me (b) I left Switzerland, where driving really is a pleasure. Too expensive, unenjoyable and anti-social to own one here - and in London only a rich, masochistic maniac would do so.
Very jealous - the S5 is an incredible car and I'd buy one tomorrow if I didn't live in the middle of the City and have no parking space.
And as for the chump who mocked Audis for 'sharing parts with Skodas' and having to justify the Audi against BMW and Mercedes: Skodas and Seats share parts with VWs and Audis, not the other way round. If I was a driver on a budget, my first port of call would be the local Skoda or Seat dealership - German engineering at a budget price.
Audi are in the same place BMW was 25 years ago - excellent engineering, bold styling, imaginative products, and a hint of exclusivity. BMW has subsequently become a manufacturer of reliable Mondeos and Mercedes has the worst build quality and customer service of any major European manufacturer. End of story.
But does it rival that feeling of being in Monte and turning right to go to Nice with the top down on the Bentley? Location-location-location.
Right, confession. I am a petrol head, but....
Cars are a pain. New cars are a bigger pain, financially.
Flash new cars are a very big pain.
But, you do exactly what you want, Global wrming is bollocks, we are just being sold pardons by those that profit from ignorance.
The prius is a shitbox (motorsport term) and anyway with the amount of strange bits it has in it plus - I understand - a load of heavy metals it's not very ecofriendly.
If you want eco drive a very light car powered by a modern turbodiesel.
If you want eco drive an old car and keep it for years as about 10 - 15% of car emmissions are down to manufacture. Hence I will keep my 1996 Defender 110 for another 10 to 15 years at least meaning that I have saved on buying about 8 new cars.
Have fun!
Iain, in which case, you will burn in hell with the devil stabbing your nether regions with his satanic pitchfork for all eternity - unless you repent thy sins and buy a Pruis!
But on the whole, the statement is sound - new technology is cleaner than old technology!!!
Hitchenophile:
You obviously have no sense of humour as you could not spot that I was deliberately winding Iain up. It's a great car and I hope he enjoys it.
Perhaps you can tell me why self-opinionated prats always end their posts with the phrase "end of story" to suggest that there can be no other worthwhile point of view?
It's your money, Ian, you earned it. So spend it how you want (provided it's legal). Tell the Puritan bossy boots to mind their own business: something we should be saying regularly to the bossy boots in Government.
A car can be a truly beautiful thing. I remember walking past an Aston Martin showroom in Mayfair one day and breaking my step in order to delay passing the window so I could get a good gawp.
A father and son were amongst the people standing outside. The father asked his son, in an American accent:
"So which do you prefer, the Ferrari or these Aston Martins?"
"Ferraris."
"Son, the Ferrari is a border drug-runner's car. These aren't. It's the difference between class and brass."
Who says Americans are dumb?
I am quite sure your Audi will create less CO2 in its dust-to-dust lifecycle than a Prius, which, it is said, is worst than even a Hummer.
Not that creating more CO2 matters, anyhow...
Enjoy it, but won't you yearn for the cabrio when the sun shines...?
Yep. You certainly got a lot of castigation.
Are you planning to visit Max Moseley's house of pain in the near future? Brush up your German?
While children starve in Africa, when Northern Rock collapses and houseowner face repossesion,when Tibet is under occupation and the Olympic torch is put out,and as the pound slides, Iain Dale buys a new car.
Typical Tory.
Gary
Tsk tsk the carbon printprints' gotta be unacceptable.
You betta pray the lefties don't get into power locally down south, as taxes will be eye wateringly tough to hit the road.
I'm surprised you havn't bought a classic, like an XJS V12, Aston Martin DBS V8, Jensen Interceptor, Magnum Ferrari, Alfa SZ, Lancia Stratos, Alvis etc etc.
Good on you Iain, I'm a car nut like you and also get dewy eyed when I leave my old car at the garage. Great blog, essential daily reading!
What's the first sign of madness?
Suggs walking up the front drive
One of my friends took delivery of an A5 three months ago - he loves it! My new A4 is almost as good though (jealous bugger).
How much is your car worth on the secondhand market today Ian?
I want one of them :@(
Gary Elsby Stoke -
Do you take pills to lower your IQ?
Iain has worked to make the money to buy the car - and a substantial amount of its price is made up of tax.
By spending his after-tax earnings, he has helped to keep various people (who are involved in the manufacture and distribution of car) in jobs. These people will also pay tax on their earnings.
Now, whilst we know that tax is an unfamiliar subject for you, Gary, it's these taxes that fund state aid for Africa and the government's bail-out of Northern Rock.
And you.
So why should Iain feel guilty, other than for keeping you in beer and fags?
You wrote this on Jan 20, 2008:
"Not happy, not happy at all. I'm typing this sitting in the BBC car park waiting for Audi Assist to come and rescue me. Zac Goldsmith would say it serves me right for buying a one man global warming machine. My response would be that I didn't buy it, my partner did! We got it nine days ago and during that time have been able to drive it for one whole day. You turn the key to start it and nothing happens. I think it's safe to say that Audi can have it back on Monday morning.
UPDATE 3am: I'm home. I really wouldn't want to be the Audi Sales Manager on Monday morning. As Dr David Banner used to say: "You wouldn't like me when I am angry..."
What car was that?
What was the upshot?
That was my partner's Q7.
We returned it to the dealership and they replaced it.
How very 2 fingers to Darling.
Top Gayer hasn't got a review of the S5 yet, Dale you should write it.
I can't stand waving goodbye to an old car. Ideally I'd park them in a field and visit them now and again. (I'm of Irish extraction)
Enjoy it whilst you can, whatever you think about global warming, peak oil has happened.and is going to hit us harder than anyone can imagine.
Just fit energy-saving headlamp bulbs and your conscience will be clear.
I wish you joy of it. Living in London, I can't be a***d with a car, it's not so much the congestion charge (though it is that as well) or the parking (that too) as the fact that taxis/public transport will take you home legally when you've had one too many.
But ultimately the eco-moonbats wouldn't be happy if a zero-emission sports car were created, if it were fast and looked good. Because - to shamelessly appropriate Macaulay - it is not that it gives pain to the planet, but that it gives pleasure to the driver.
the car is so non-U.
tediously middle class. trying so hard to be 'aspirational'.
sad. typical tory boy. yawn yawn.
You are perfectly within your rights buying this car. But I'm perfectly within my rights thinking you're very male, very middle aged and very sad for doing so.
Your money, your choice, your tax bills.
Personally I resent giving more to the Treasury for the privilege of owning and driving a car than I have to. So performance cars with sodding great petrol engines are out. Advantage is getting in excess of 50mpg on the daily commute, paying £115/yr for road tax and lower insurance bills.
The only downsides are a top speed which isn't as far over the national limit as my previous car and a 0-60 time which is about 2 seconds slower. Both of which, in the current camera-laden conditions are irrelevant differences.
Oh, nearly forgot. Driving a Skoda gets me the same build quality as your Audi whilst leaving more money in my wallet. And no body laughs at Skodas anymore (well, apart from your quip last year); value for money seems to win out over flashness these days.
Good luck to you Iain with your new motor.
As for these so-called "environmentally friendly cars like the prius which have two motors - one petrol and the other electric - well you have twice the weight to lugg about and twice as much to go wrong. Overall an own-goal if you think that by driving one you are saving the planet.
Madness's Morri-minor is a simple car and so is easily kept going. When you factor in the cost of repairs and maintenance then older (ie simpler) cars are not a polluting as is claimed by innumerate greenies.
You jammy bastard :-)
Can I buy it off you in 5 years??
9:57, what have you got against Cromwell? He was a great man. I pity you if you're ill-educated enough to believe all the royalist myths about him. The supposed massacres never took place. So unless you think Richard III should be judged by what Shakespeare wrote about him, try to actually be fair to the historical man instead of believing a pack of lies.
Of course you love the car, but I hope it's diesel and you don't drive it like a boy racer.
"While children starve in Africa, when Northern Rock collapses and houseowner face repossesion,when Tibet is under occupation and the Olympic torch is put out,and as the pound slides, Iain Dale buys a new car".......and keeps the wheels of the economy going round creating wealth and jobs which feed through the global economy putting food into the mouths of starving children.
Boys buy their toys and feed the world.
No it isn't, and no I don't. Well, not all the times, anyway.
Great car Iain Enjoy it.
Beautiful car, I was looking at the same model yesterday, please post a regular update on how much you're loving it!
Perhaps you could start a car blog to go with your political and West Ham blogs?
It's only your taste in football teams that is dodgy Iain.
Leaving my lovely Saab and collecting its death certificate was very distressing. It was as beautiful and fast and comfortable as the day we bought it, but it is a euro 2 and can no longer enter cities on the continent.
So I bought a little Lancia for local towns and am now poring over motorway driver car brochures. With the children grown up it can be something just for two plus occasional passengers.
And for the ecologically censorious, we do use the trains, they're amazingly fast and comfortable, but they aren't car substitutes.
Well, you do come across as a bit vain and shallow. Nothing mean, it's just the way the blog reads, it's lighthearted here!
Enjoy the car but motoring in Britain is no pleasure anymore. You will never be able to push the tyres to the limit of adherence, not to work through the gears with precision, to work the brakes and dive into a bend. Motoring in Britain means pumping the clutch as you ease forward in a jam, dodging people who can't use their mirrors or indicators and being held up by muppets sitting in the outside lanes.
Here in Switzerland however, fast cars are fun. Personally though I just have a run around second hand VW estate...
...and a Ducati 1098 when I'm in a hurry or want some amusement.
HAHA
I was about to say: 'a lot of sex references on your blog these days' and when I clicked on the Comments section I realised that 69had been posted so far.
Please tell me this is part of the post?
So you love your car....thinking.....errmm... oh I get it - your not like other gay people or summit.
Okay Iain you're not like other gay people. We get it. And your point is? Love your footy as well. etc. Big toughy old poof. No probs.
I bet you don't have any pictures of you waving goodbye to the old one do you ;-) I have a collection of those and will be adding a new one soon :-)
Parking a nice expensive car around the streets of London or in an NCP, when you cant afford your own body guard for it.
Is like walking around the house of commons or more especially #10 for a week, with your pants round your ankles. Expecting not to get your butt so rogered you will never be able to do it again, even if you enjoyed the experience.
It costs about £3000 to respray one of these beasts. It only takes 5 seconds and a penny piece to perfectly piss you off. Is it really worth it?
I drive a top of the range 11 year old 7 series BMW with 51,000 on the clock. I could easily afford a new one. No body bothers to coin the thing, I can leave it anywhere, it drives like a dream, has got all the knobs and switches, and depreciates no more then £500 per year.
However in London the thing is perfectly useless 75% of the time.
A motor cycle is much better at getting you exactly where you want to get, exactly at the time you want to get there.
I recommend one, especially if you have no intention of living forever, which of course you are not going to anyway.
Atlas shrugged
Nice motor.
I'm due a new company car soon and I have opted for a Skoda diesel estate. Teenager, dog and lack of decent public transport means I need a car out here in the sticks. Rising fuel prices have directed me towards the diesel.
I spent a lot of time researching for the right vehicle: affordable, green...ish, able to carry stuff. The Prius just did not convince me.
When I lived in London ten years ago I didn't bother with a car, preferring to cycle everywhere or use public transport. Parking, congestion and envious scratch merchants must make it worse than ever to own a flash car in London these days. Having said all that...enjoy it.
"If you could drive a multiple orgasm", Iain, you would be having sex with a woman - men can't do that :-)
Philipa, you just haven't met the right man! :)
Its quite a nice car. If I had one of those, I would also be in love with it or something. I do have 2 cars right now and I like driving in them. I take care of them but not so obsess with them. Maybe, if I'll get to have one super car, I would be crazy about it. but not with regular cars.
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