Wednesday, December 05, 2007

EXCLUSIVE: Wee Dougie Alexander Bottles Question Time


We know that systemic incompetence is in Labour's DNA, and so, it seems, is 'bottling it'. First we had Gordon Brown bottling out of holding an election, now his little helper, 'wee Dougie' Alexander has bottled out of a much trailed appearance on the BBC's Question Time programme tomorrow night. Now, let's see if we can work out why. Was it...

A) He was scared of appearing with Ken Clarke
B) He couldn't think how to defend Sister Wendy
C) He didn't want to account for his role in the bottled election decision
D) He was scared od defending his role in the David Abrahams planning application
E) He might have to explain why he employed Jon Mendelsohn

or E) All five

The choice is yours.

46 comments:

Andrew Woodman said...

Well he isn't ill because he was sitting next to Brown at 12.00 (although that's enough to make you ill)

Will QT have a Bottler Brown in his place tub of lard like from HIGNFY

Brownbadger said...

What choice?
We the electorate have no choice but to wait for two years before we can get these excuses for Parliamentarians out of office. Even then we cannot get our revenge because they will be provided with protection at our expense.

Ed said...

The refusal to tell us what is going on and the attempt to "seize the agenda" with all this populist policy announcement is making my blood boil. Am I the only one?

Anonymous said...

Or

F) Gordon told him he wasn't allowed to

Anonymous said...

That's a shame - I hope some-one else asks Clarke about his spending plans from 1997-1999. He famously said in 1999 that he would nevere have stuck to them himself - too rigid and damaging to the economy.

What he didn't say was that Maastricht rules require any incoming Chancellor to stick to the previous Govt's spending plans for the first two years. (Osborne has made a consistent pledge).

Therefore, I want to know, did Clarke deliberately make his plans extremely tough in order to "land Brown in the mire", knowing that he himself would not have had to stick to the plans if he'd been returned to office (ie he wouldn;t have been an "incoming" Chancellor)?

Whatever, it laid the foundations for extremely benign economiic conditions, by default or not.

The Creator said...

All four.

Madasafish said...

None of the above.
He's just plain feart.

(For those of an English persuasion, feart = afraid)

Daily Referendum said...

F) Gordon won't let him.

Stephen said...

who should take his place? suggestions?

Andrew Allison said...

All four, Iain

golfwidow said...

Some years ago, when Roy Hattersley bottled "Have I got News For You", he was replaced by a tub of lard. Any suggestions for a suitable Wee Dougie replacement?

Johnny Norfolk said...

When the going gets difficult Labour always dissapear.
Any area there is a problem how many times do you hear the BBC saying ' we asked a member of the Labour government to appear but no one was available'. What realy gets me about the BBC, is that if it was the Tories that kept doing this the BBC would make a far bigger issue of it. As it is Labour the BBC says nothing.

Chuck Unsworth said...

He was looking pig-sick at PMQs - but then so were many others on that side of the house. The Harperson had a fixed grin like the rictus of death and with naked fear in her eyes. Straw seemed totally detached from everything. Milliband staring fixedly to his front like an SS Obersturmbannf├╝hrer. Browne with his tin hat on, ducking and diving. Ainsworth looking increasingly like Mr Pastry with heartburn, and the others seemed to be an enormous heap of the undead.

Despite all the jeering and shouting behind them it was clear that they know the wheels have fallen off and Brown's not capable of getting the charabanc rolling again.

It's a scene from the last days in the Bunker. No energy, just the odd flash of the rage of the defeated enduring the timeless wait for the coup-de-grace.

So Wee Dougie's yet another Scotch Bottler, then.

But I do like a decent single malt every now and then.

Anonymous said...

Wee Dougie Alexander?? That's a bit patronising. How about people go around calling you fat Iain Dale?

copydude said...

Since you ask, there are stock, rehearsed answers to A, B and C that anyone prepped could come out to bat.

D is naughty. And I am not sure that Dimbleby will touch on this. But do you know something we don't?

BTW. Who is standing in for him?

Anonymous said...

The answer is E, all of the above, but the list is not long enough.

At least "facing the electorate in any form" should be added....

ID vs GF in the "battle of the exclusives" !!

Anonymous said...

which Nulab sacrificial lamb is going to have to run the gauntlet tomorrow instead of wee Dougie?Hoon is one who they seem to push forward at times like this...bbc still have Wee Dougies wee ugly mug on the Questiontime website...mini-McAvity...

Anonymous said...

How about - he's helping to tun the country and has better things to do?

Anonymous said...

Simon Sebag Montefiore is also on the panel - Author of Young Stalin...oh the irony

canvas said...

Obviously a coward.

If you can't take the heat...

Anonymous said...

They should have an empty seat with just a large plastic bottle on it* like the tub of lard that HIGNFY did with Hattersly when he failed to make an appearance.


Gwil ap Tomos

* yes, yes I know it wouldn't be empty then

Paul said...

He could just be busy?

bobthedog said...

What a shame - was looking forward to seeing him wriggling on some questions tomorrow evening in Cambridge

jonathan hemlock said...

"Sister" Wendy, you say, Iain?

I'll bet she's praying like mad now

Astro-Turf Lawnmower said...

Bottler Bean is about to do his Macavity act again, this time bottling out of the signing ceremony for the EU Constitution (I mean 'Reform Treaty'). Macavity is pleading that he has to go to the House of Commons Liaison Committee and so, alas, won't be able to make it.

I am sure the Liaison Committee would understand if he left the meeting early to sign such a document, but Macavity prefers to send Miliband to do his dirty work.

Anonymous said...

Iain, do you know who the lucky stand-in will be?

Barnacle Bill said...

E, and i claim my free year's subscription to the new politico mag.

Norfolk Observer said...

I notice that at PMQs today the mighty one was surrounded by Harriet Harman and Douglas Alexander. In days gone by, by always had the Chancellor of the Exchequer at his side. Today, Darling was a few seats away. Mmmmmmmmmmm......trying to make a point?

AnyoneButBrown said...

I'll shoot for E) all four plus an additional one - He would have to account for the collapse of the Brown government in which he is a key player.
I hope Question Time has the balls to empty chair him.

Geezer said...

You missed out, giving moral support to his sister!
Probably telling her, that she should only get nicked for large sums of money, like 600k, and not a paltry tight-arse 950 quid!

Rab Everyone said...

e) wee duggie wants to stay out of the limelight after making a mess of the Scottish elections last May.

f0 He doesn't want to discuss how NuLab ministers and leaders have only been breaking rules not laws.

g) he is too busy writing a guide on the ethics for the next generation of NuLab candidates.

h) he may be too busy helping the police with their inquires. (if only).

mitch said...

how about £675000 piled on the chair.
cds on the top
and a copy of the laws relating to donors.

Anonymous said...

who is taking his place Iain?

Chris Paul said...

Or something else entirely Iain? Let us hope that it is not going to be hugely embarrassing for anyone speculating along these lines.

It is even possible is it not that the commie Beeb's lawyers have withdrawn the offered chair because there is actually a formal process going on in two capital cities as we tap.

Most Tory bloggers have noticed this.

As we have discussed before taking 'live' legal issues on live unscripted TV is to say the least potentially difficult.

A. No, KC's a pussy cat as long as he keeps his blood nicotine up, gets a bit jumpy without
B. Small possibility. But I do think the defence is obvious - it was a silly mistake - the idea that ANYONE from ANY party would risk all for 50p in an uncontested election or in any election when it would obviously be discovered is just ridiculous.
C. No, that is hardly the stuff of a QT bottle, that's next to nothing these days.
D. He had no role in that and it was obviously a technical decision for a highways engineer about where the kerb stones and storm drains went at a remodelled junction on the A1(M).

E. Obviously not

How about:

F. Too much Sub judice
G. There is in general something more important he has to do than a TV appearance - lots of things in that category I should say

Anonymous said...

Goddamit
When I posted re putting a bottle on the chair there were nil comments showing.
Now i see every man and his dog suggested the same thing before me.
How did that happen?

Gwil ap Tomos

Elby the Berserk said...

@Anonymous said...

// Wee Dougie Alexander?? That's a bit patronising. How about people go around calling you fat Iain Dale? //

Twat. Everyone (bar you) has been calling him that for days. Or haven't you been paying attention? His sister has broken the law, but says that as she didn't know she was breaking the law, she can't be held to account. Wee Dougie was detailed by the Prime Mincer to tell Wee Wendy not to resign, or the whole house of cards would come tumbling down.

What is it with these Scots? Happy to make laws, but not to abide by them? A pox on them all

Anonymous said...

Well, Wee Dougie may be able to bottle out of QT, but Wee Wendy can't bottle out of FMQ (First Minister's Questions) in the Scottish Parliament tomorrow.

Look forward to seeing that on BBC 2 Scotland, but may also be shown on the Parliament Channel (80 on Freeview)

Wendy's "defences" so far

I didnae ken
It wisnae me
I'm integrity personified

The Reverend and Mrs Alexander were no doubt good people but they brought into the world a pair of creeps.

Cllr John M Ward said...

Pedant mode on:

Actually, the "all of the above" option should be F -- but, then, who's counting? I agree it is probably most if not all of those, plus what others here have hinted at: he's operating under instructions from the Bean^W Broon.

As far as a replacement goes, I'd suggest that Dougie should be replaced by a plushie toy of lapdog Dougie Doggy, from the Huckleberry Hound cartoon series. Of course, it'd be the Broon who'd be Doggy Daddy -- or, more likely, Dodgy Daddy...

Peter said...

My guess is D.
All the rest are damaging but D will bring down the Government.

Chris Paul said...

It would have been F cllr john - except that Iain slipped in a sneaky fifth option to go with the other sneaky options.

Anonymous said...

The correct answer is F. 'His department (DFID) is giving away 100s of mllions of pounds worth of British taxpayers money to corrupt regimes in Africa. He has no way of knowing how this money is spent and is deeply concerned about the whole situation but has been bullied by his civil servants into continuing the programme. He knows that the policy - which is called 'general budget support' or 'poverty reduction budget support' (thanks to the spin-meisters) is feeding corruption in Tanzania and elsewhere but is like a rabbit in headlights when it comes to doing anything about it."

Am I right?

Henry Crun said...

As a substitute: a lying sack of shit would be more appropriate

Chuck Unsworth said...

@ Chris Paul

'Sub judice'?

Since when?

Which particular Court?

Idiot.


But we can all live in hope.

wee duggie tha scunner said...

It is nae just sleeze, its nu labour sleeze.

robbierotton said...

She show is a joke anyway - so let's have someone funny - is Rowan Atkinson free?

MAX said...

The connection with the planning permission for a Business Park in the North East is a scandal waiting to break.
What other favours have been done for donors-in addition to titles and gongs?