Saturday, February 17, 2007

There's Only One Peter Hitchens

As you know, I have had my differences with the Mail on Sunday's Peter Hitchens. He's a talented writer, but I find his attacks on the Conservative Party repetitive and unoriginal. 'Useless' seems to be the only word he can ever find to describe the Conservatives. Funny once, but not every week. However, I am going to come to his defence.

Various blogs have been graced with a Commenter calling themselves 'Peter Hitchens'.
I must admit that even I, who have met Peter, didn't immediately realise that this poster was someone else. The 'unreal' Peter Hitchens has taken up residence on Guido's blog and become a bit of a fixture there with his pithy, often amusing but sometimes rather abusive, posts.

But the 'real' Peter Hitchens is far from amused. He often gets emails from people who believe that the 'unreal' Peter Hitchens is really him. Are you with me so far? He asked Guido to delete posts from his imposter, which at first he did, but then he changed his mind.

The 'unreal' Peter Hitchens then started his own blog. And earlier this week posted THIS, explaining that the 'real' Peter Hitchens had turned up at his flat. Guido Fawkes has expanded on the post HERE. The 'unreal' Peter Hitchens asked me to write about it too but I decided not to until I had spoken to the 'real' Peter Hitchens, which I did this morning.

It's quite clear that Peter Hitchens is quite disturbed by these events. In the past he has had a stalker, and what the 'unreal' Peter Hitchens has done has made the 'real' Peter Hitchens feel stalked. Knowing that feeling all too well, I have a degree of sympathy with him. If it's never happened to you, you cannot imagine what it's like. Hitchens told me...

If you haven't had your name stolen in this way, you might think it funny. If you have, you'll know it's not. Imagine someone writing obscene letters, signed in your name, to all your neighbours and work colleagues, your children's teachers and the owners of all the shops you use, and you might have some idea of what it feels like. I think I am entitled to take reasonable action to find out who is doing this, so I can ask him - on equal terms - to stop doing it. It is claimed in this person's defence that this material is a parody. But surely parody has to mimic the style and mannerisms of its victim in a witty fashion. Most of what this person writes is just coarse and he ceaselessly uses lavatory-wall language, something any reader of mine knows that I loathe."
Peter Hitchens knows the identity of the 'unreal' Peter Hitchens, as do I. I know that the 'unreal' Peter Hitchens has no malicious intent and I have told him that (the 'real' one, that is). I also know that Hitchens found out the address of the 'unreal' one through perfectly legitimate means.

So having spoken to the real Peter Hitchens I contacted the 'unreal' one, who, to his great credit, was shocked at how the 'real' one had interpreted his words. And to his even greater credit he has agreed to call himself 'The Hitch' rather than 'Peter Hitchens'.

They'll be calling me Henry Kissinger soon... Actually, better not. I might have Peter's brother on my case.

More from The Hitch HERE.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now for a real challenge-explain Dave to the conservative party-good luck!

Anonymous said...

Good of you to sort this out, Iain.

Praguetory said...

It's a bit like Guido and Guido 2.0 except that unlike Tim Ireland, "The Hitch" is funny and is not
a) malevolent in intent
b) telling people what to do & not
c) working with Senior labour politicians

Anonymous said...

Hope it works out. This is why, despite the fact you are a Tory, you are so likeable. Damn you!

Machiavelli's Understudy said...

The question still remains- is he really called 'Peter Hitchens'?

If so, surely it would have been more magnanimous, in the face of defeat by The Hitch, to change Peter Hitchens' name to 'Peter Hitchens 2.0'?

Anonymous said...

So perhaps Iain you will now understand why some of us post anonymously.

Ed said...

Well said PT!

Anonymous said...

No, I'm Spartacus!

David Lindsay said...

Peter Hitchens has being saying for years, in best Old Labour/timeless Catholic, that capitalism was bad for families, and that those who professed it were not really Tories at all (which they aren't - they are hoovered up Gladstonian Liberals, Margaret Thatcher's background).

Now even Cameron seems to be coming round to agreeing with him, and of course with us Old Labour/timeless Catholic types.

Anonymous said...

Good on you for sorting out what had become pretty tedious on Guido's site.

jailhouselawyer said...

Don't you think that the Ken Livingstone smear campaign ads on 18DS are also "repetitive and unoriginal" and distasteful?

Anonymous said...

To my utter horror and presumably discredit, second Jailhouse Murdering Scum (tho' O/T, I know).

Returning to your defence of the "real" Peter Hitchens, shocked and worried he may be, but is cycling to the "unreal's" driveway really called for?

Anonymous said...

The blogsphere is more like a bloody playground every day. Did Bevin/Bevan have these problems?

Anonymous said...

Although I find blogger Hitch - who previously posted as Phone Cam Foolery - very entertaining most of the time, and his heart's in the right place, I have never addressed him as Peter Hitchens, always using PHitch.

Peter Hitchens has worked for years and has written best selling political books and is a serious journalist with a reputation - and his livelihood - to protect. He built up this name and it was rather distasteful for someone else to hitch a ride, so to speak, on the coattails of someone who had worked hard for his reputation.

I'm glad The Hitch has ceded and that we can now enjoy his clever and unexpected posts with a clear conscience.

Johnny Norfolk said...

Its Ok for him to give people a bad time but when it happens to him he does not like it.

He perhaps now knows what it feels like and he may be a little more circumspect before he goes for people.

Anonymous said...

Bring back Phone Cam Foolery !!!

Newmania said...

Well thats an odd coincidence , I was just reading the real Peter Hitchens for the first time and decided he wasn`t half bad .

I also know the unreal Peter Hitchens and know him to be a nice chap.I would have said all this subterranean fun was a bit beneath the Dale level really but there we go

Lobster Blogster said...

They'll be calling me Henry Kissinger soon...

Why, are you planning to carpet bomb Cambodia?

Paul Evans said...

This is the single funniest thing that has ever happened in the blogosphere.

Anonymous said...

Dynamite-not sure about that.
Dave on his bike with the following car must run it pretty close.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Dynamite - that thread on Guido's around four months ago was the funniest thing the blogosphere, at least he British blogosphere, had ever seen.

chris morrell said...

Well done Ian if you have diffused the situation..i scrolled through the mile long stream of purile name-calling attatched to this yesterday, and just thought how pathetic it all looked...they are doing nobody interested in these forums any favours.. I an almost NEVER in agreement with Peter Hitchens, but can understand how he would feel "stalked" it's no joke.. we must ALL be very aware of the tone adopted on these messageboards...ha! i'm reminded of Jack Straw(!) and his problems with communicating , without seeing peoples facial expressions! :) :( ^~* ...

Anonymous said...

All very odd. Both 'real' Hitchens schoolmates of mine. Observations regarding Hitchens Major's schlong can be sourced to me in a moment of rashness. Then I find that 'Peter Hitchens' was dragged up the same part of the world of me, the arid hellhole that is cheshire bramhall/cheadle hulme etc. 4 x 4s driven by genetically modified blondes.

But I digress. I'm a regular old socialist of the 'from each, to each' stable. Voted NuLab until Iraq. CANNOT understand the kerfuffle about 'Peter Hitchens' blog, which I found hilarious and wondrously scabrous. Don't read the real one (less credibility than his brother), but 'Peter Hitchens' was the man. Long live the hitch. Do keep offending the po-faced twat community, it's a public service. Let the new puritans fuck off to America ;ike the last lot.

David Lindsay said...

"I'm a regular old socialist of the 'from each, to each' stable. Voted NuLab until Iraq," says The Reverend Pipecock Jackson. Yet Peter Hitchens, who opposed the Iraq War and is in many ways something of an Old Labour figure in disguise, has "less credibility than his brother"?

Christopher Hitchens supported the war, since he is a classic Trotskyist neocon, rather than (like Peter Hitchens) someone who grew out of the entire Marxist paradigm. So how does he have "more credibility" than someone who, havings so grown, opposed the war?

Sir-C4' said...

I hope Channel Four and Citro├źn don't sue me over my codename, because if they do, I'll explode into anger with them. The Japanese pronouce it "C4-dash"!

Anonymous said...

It would be interesting to see the real Peter Hitchens on 18DS. Any possibility of that?