Monday, May 10, 2010

Joke of the Day

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Gordon who?

That's politics...


Cjjones27 said...

The comments in your last post were more amusing.

neiljward said...

Knock knock ......

Who's there ? ......

David ......

David Who ? ......

Gordon open the f**king door and get out of my house.

Evensong said...

My fave joke of the moment is shamelessly stolen from another blog.

Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary sees Guinness on sale in a pub for just £1 a pint, and in he excitedly runs to take advantage of this brilliant offer.

"Barman, I'll have a pint of Guiness for £1!" Michael gleefully exclaims

"Certainly sir," the barman replies. "And would you like a glass with that?"

Ed said...

Knock, Knock. Who's there? David. David who? Gordon stop fuckin around and get out of my fuckin house!

Scottie said...

Thank god he's gone only to be replaced by someone more detested like Harriet Harman.......

Stephen said...

........yet he still seems to be behind the door you have to knock on

Newmania said...

Saw this on Illiberal Con by a Donald S Iain.Thought you might like it .Obviously it was written befoe the coup:

1. Clegg has no choice but to talk with Cameron. “The coalition of the defeated” is a powerful framing narrative, which would be bad enough on its own. But Brown is also widely hated in England, and installing a Labour PM who isn’t Brown couldn’t be sold to an electorate pre-primed with that “unelected PM” line. (And 23% isn’t a mandate for Clegg to head any Lib-Lab coalition.)

Worse: a Clegg/Labour alliance would be 100% reliant on 9 nationalists and plagued by an extreme version of the West Lothian Question. It would fall and Labour and the LibDems would be annihilated at the subsequent election. It’s a non-starter.

4. It pains me to write this, but Clegg has little mandate for brinksmanship on electoral reform. He polled 23%, Cameron got 36%; and the numbers for England are even worse. A parliamentary commission is a dead-end, obviously,....

John Leighton said...

The Conservatives should open coalition talks now with Labour. Keep these LibDems out with their lack of interest in the national interest by bickering over electoral reform. Both Lab and Con would have no issues with FPTP. With Brown now weakened by his impending departure as Labour leader, there's no reason why he should be in any Con-Lab coalition government.
Of course, Labour are unlikely to take the bait, but then again, they would then be seen not to be acting in the national interest.

Alan said...

So far we are are now at step 3 of my absolutely best scenario:

1. Clegg offers Cameron first choice of government
2. Cameron offers Clegg big open coalition gesture (public will love this)
3. Clegg abandons this for Coalition of Losers, putting party above nation
4. Markets and/or rating agencies have no faith that 7-party coalition will deliver
5. Queen's speech fails. Brown asks for dissolution
6. Cameron asked by ER to form minority
7. Markets recover
8. Clunk-Clegg act to frustrate Cameron for party reasons
9. Cameron chooses one of many fights that are offered him, and calls snap election
10. LD lose the 50% of their voters that are Tory aligned. Tories gain another 70-80 seats
11. Labour infighting on handling of the mess keeps them out for 10 years
12. LibDems split and collapse.

metabourke said...

Now that Brown has gone and Hattie isn't putting her hat in the ring, Balls is so disliked in the country and Miliband hasn't got the bottle, the Labout leader and PM could be Alastair Darling. Once Clegg will be ousted by the Weirdy Beardies the coalition cabinet might look something like this:

PM: Alastair Darling
First Secretary of State, Lord President of the Council, Lord Privy Seal, Secretary of State for Business, Innovation & Skills: Lord Mandelson of Bannockburn
Chancellor of the Exchequer: Douglas Alexander
Foreign Secretary: Menzies Campbell
Home Secretary: Gordon Banks
Defence Secretary: Angus Robertson
Children, Schools & Families: Anne McGuire
Work & Pensions: Brian Donohoe
Health: Margaret Curran
Leader of the Commons: Katy Clark
Justice: Cathy Jamieson
Chief Secretary to the Treasury: Lord Devine of Livingston
Environment, Food & Rural Affairs: Eric Joyce
International Development: Malcolm Bruce
Communities & Local Government: David Cairns
Energy & Climate Change: Danny Alexander
Wales: Ieuan Wyn Jones
Northern Ireland: Charles Kennedy
England: Caroline Lucas
Leader of the Lords: Baron Martin of Springburn
Cabinet Office: Lady MacLeod of Queensferry
Culture, Media & Sport: Jim Sheridan
Transport: Lord Opik of Transylvania

Cynic said...

Why do we need a Government? Peter and Alistair can run it. We can trust them. They told us so.

JMB said...

I wonder if the Liberals have lost any chance of getting PR agreed by the British public in a referendum because of all the backroom deals, negotiating with the Conservatives whilst talking to Liebour in secret etc.

This would become a regular event under PR and I don't think most people will want that.

Of course it is debatable whether any referendum will allow people to choose that they do not want PR as it might have all the flavours of PR which will just confuse everyone. The idea of ordinary people understanding and deciding which type of PR they want is laughable.

javelin said...

Clegg has single handedly destroyed any chance of PR in living memory.

The LibDems and Labour have shown themselves for the power hungry little whores they truely are.

Clegg, Brown and their mates are sordid and self interested just like the voters they have tried to buy off with their jobs and benefits. None should be allowed near any power.

David Anthony said...

Congratulations on your new job as Editor of Conservative Home ;)

Tom Dexter said...

What happened to the 'stabilising the economy' priority

Despatch Box said...

For those of us who have fought them on the ground, the behaviour of the Liberals should come as no surprise. Clegg's halo is no more. Campbell and Mandelson are political vandals. David Blunkett and John Reid are speaking sense. Cameron and Co. must be seething although I imagine they can see political advantage in the long term in that this is a gift to the Tories. They do not need to fear a bill on PR being passed as there is opposition to it in the Labour Party. So when one of the Nationalist Parties bring the government down (the SNP have form), the LibLab axis will get pummelled at the next election. What the markets think though is another matter!

Anonymous said...

I thought that the secret talks were the real joke.

cassandra said...

Labour rigged the vote by ballot stuffing and PV fraud, this is pretty obvious by now and it saved them from meltdown.
David Cameron either didnt know in which case he isnt fit to be PM or he did know and chose to remain silent in which case he isnt fit to be PM.
Hate and loath the labour party but never under estimate their desire for power and their will to fulfill that desire, they have the gonads to pursue their desires and a government has to possess those characteristics now more than ever.
David Cameron lost the election plain and simple and is a fact that cannot be denied, he could have made a simple deal pre election with UKIP where UKIP would stand down and urge its supporters to vote tory and that would have meant Cameron walking into No10 with a good majority and that is a plain fact which nobody can deny.
The libdems were always going to prefer a deal with labour, they are in many ways the same party with the same moral centre.
I hate labour with an intensity that surprises even me BUT in the real world its clear that labour have fought so hard and been so determined to win and Cameron has been so weak and feeble and utterly incompetent and short sighted that labour deserves to win and Cameron frankly deserves to be replaced by David Davis.
I would rather have a hard nosed down and dirty hands on government than a floppy crybaby foolish and weak government that Cameron would certainly provide.

Anonymous said...

Oh I'm loving this. The (decreasingly) closet anarchist in me is enjoying watching all these confident twonks desperately trying to cope with unfamiliar circumstances. It's 'Lord of the Flies' stuff.

How are the Liberals, with their apparent determination to throw out ID cards, to take but one, going to live with the Labour Party which is equally determined to introduce them. It's a complete fallacy to describe them as the "two progressive parties". Labour is defiantly illiberal, statist and reactionary.

Perhaps the best thing that Mr. Cameron could do in the next few months - while the LibLabs tear lumps out of each other - is to change the name of his party, to something that does not bring to mind the image of a claret-sozzled Sir Bufton Tufton. After all, he's got 100 brand spanking new MPs to play with.

Anonymous said...

... and if the Blue Party team have any sense or skill wrt negotiations which they do), the deal offered to Clegg, after the grubby little tart's failed to get what he wants from Labour, will be to offer LESS than was on the table at the weekend.

The Liberals (and then the LibDems) have an inglorious tradition of fighting dirty at election-time. May this be the most public manifestation of their lack of principle, and may they return to being an insignificant 6-seat rump party before too long.

Benny said...

Ha, I made a Facebook page with this joke:!/pages/Knock-Knock-Whos-there-David-David-who-GET-OUT-OF-MY-HOUSE-GORDON/118098214887697?ref=ts

JMB said...

The thought of Mandelson and Salmon in the same coalition is rather amusing. I can just imagine them both plotting and scheming. I wonder who will come out on top, both are as devious.

Shamik said...

Knock knock...

Who's there?


Gianfranco Who?

I hope Zola and Gordon can both relax little a bit now the pressure's no more!

Cynic said...

Dont be silly. The new cabinet is

PM Peter Mandleson
Foreign Secretary Peter Mandleson
Chancellor Peter Mandleson
Home Secretary Peter Mandleson
Justice Secretary Peter Mandleson
Education Peter Mandleson
Head of Comms Alistair Campbell

....etc, etc, etc

Cynic said...

Knock Knock

I am arresting you under the provisions of the Terrorism Crime and Security Act for preparing to commit a terrorist act by knocking on the PMs door and suggesting he should quit .... what do you think this is, a democracy?

Yuri Velasquez said...

Paddy Ashcloud appears to be one of the sticking points(pun intended). Ming the Merriless Campbell another.
A couple of old failed dinosaurs trying to make a point in their twilight years.

I have met a number of Lib-Dems locally. The theme repeats itself.
"Let everybody have their say!"
Twelve hours later....
"What about a decision?"
"Decision ?? Throw that man out!"

Gallimaufry said...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doorbell Repairman