Sunday, January 11, 2009

Bare Midriffs, Zebra Crossings & Street Clutter

The Telegraph Seven Magazine runs a column each week called Love & Hates. It's quite humorous and public figures list five things they love and hate. Today it was Alan Duncan's turn. I must admit, I quite agree with three of his hates...

  • Useless Road Signs: I'm writing a book about how to get rid of a million useless road signs. Triangular signs saying 'traffic lights', when you can already see the traffic lights are just an unnecessary metal clutter.
  • The Bare Midriff: If it's a warm day and if it's someone slim and beautiful then fine, but fat people who show off their wobbly tyres are ghastly. The worst is when it's in a restaurant - I could do without having blubber in my soup.
  • Not Saying Thank you at Zebra Crossings: Just because it's the pedestrian's right to cross doesn't mean they have to ditch their manners. People who don't say thank you at a zebra crossing deserve to be run over.
Or as Alan's press officer will no doubt be saying, "What Alan mean to say was that 'some people think that people who don't say thank you ... blah blah."! The extraneous road signs issue (known as street clutter) is a great initiative. I once counted more than 200 different road signs on a two miles stretch of road going into London Ridiculous. At least half o them were a statement of the bleedin' obvious.

17 comments:

Unknown said...

What bugs me about street sign clutter is knowing we have paid for it. Hampshire County Council puts up these very nice (read expensive) signs that say Hampshire County Council Maintaining Your Roads / Bridges etc at all road works. Why? Who else would be doing the roads? Every stream you cross now seems to have a name sign - come on if people are interested they can look it up! I am sure most people don't care. It is just wasted taxpayers' money! Sorry, pet hate. Rant over.

Bill Quango MP said...

Good idea.
I will insist on a paper to look into over signage in our streets. While we deliberate over the next nine years I suggest we keep the public informed with a new sign..

"SurreySex County Council. Helping protect you from street clutter."

Mark said...

I hate those nanny signs on the motorway that say things like 'don't drink and drive', 'Think, take a break', do as you're told serf'. These signs are useful when they tell me that three junctions down some chav has hit the barrier whilst trying to light a splif in his modified Renault Clio, but they make my blood boil with rage when they tell me what to do or think.

Inspector Morse said...

If there is such a thing as a Zebra crossing without traffic lights (there is none around here), I agree with Alan Duncan.

On the other side of the coin, it totally pisses me off when pedestrians at controlled crossings hit the button, then notice that there was no traffic anyway so cross the road while the traffic lights are still green. Twenty seconds later they turn red, and we all stop and wait for an empty crossing.

Quentin said...

An initiative was launched a few months ago by some enterprising entrepreneurs to rid us of what they considered unnecessary road signage.
This proved to be a somewhat lucrative project when aluminium scrap prices were at their highest.
Unfortunately no one informed the Highways Agency of the merit of this worthy cause and thus they kept replacing them.

davidc said...

i rather like the rivers being indentified as one comes to them

Richard Williams said...

Oh yes, I agree wholeheartedy about people who don't say thank you on Zebra crossings. Similarly, parking machines that tell me to 'Drive Safely' and telephonists who tell me their names, as in 'Good morning, Tiffany speaking, how may I direct your call?' and the requirement of BA captains to name all the air hostesses...'In the club cabin, I'm ably assisted by Gordon and Tara...etc.. etc'.

Unknown said...

IN the same league, there was a motorway chain that had the most offensive little blob-signs that said "hungry" "Thirsty" as you pulled off.

Anonymous said...

How about keeping the signs but have them written in chinglish,it would add so much fun to a boring journey,course may cause a few pile ups though.

Daniel1979 said...

Mr Quango, may I suggest a new sign...

"Caution - Excessive Road Signs Ahead"

Shaun said...

can. Yeah he's Gay, yeah he's often libertarian, yeah he often makes sense and yeah he fails to beat the Daily 'we backed Hitler in the 30s' tabloid drum but he makes sense when he speaks economically or socially. He's a 'liberal', maybe even a libertrarian, conservative and as such speaks to me as a voter.

The spin against him, based entierly on my knowledge of the internal tory party in the 1990s will be driven by latent homophobia, exaccerbated since his recent wedding. So he hasn't been the most vocal of shadow ministers, which I posted on in a previous comment thread, but I do find it interesting that we are talking about his activism as opposed to th eother inactivism from various other members of the shadow cabinet or the self-enrichment of Spelman. Disgraceful and a move against the anti-authoritarian wing of the party, I fear.

Unknown said...

I agree on the first two but I see no reason why motorists should feel they need to be thanked for stopping at zebras, any more than motorists should thank other motorists for stopping at traffic lights and road junctions.

A bit of politeness is always nice, of course, and I do sometimes acknowledge drivers who stop at zebras. But Duncan's comment seems to indicate that, by stopping, drivers are somehow doing us a favour, rather than simply obeying the law.

Gravel said...

Jules said...
"Hampshire County Council puts up these very nice (read expensive) signs that say Hampshire County Council Maintaining Your Roads / Bridges etc at all road works. Why? Who else would be doing the roads?"

Highways Agency?
Local Council?

Gravel said...

Inspector Morse said...
"If there is such a thing as a Zebra crossing without traffic lights (there is none around here), I agree with Alan Duncan."

By definition, Zebra crossings don't have traffic lights.

Most light-controlled crossings are Pelicans.

Paul said...

Simon's right.

I'm normally the pedestrian being let across, and I always acknowledge the drivers who stop to let me by. That's good, and that's polite.

However it's as much my right of way as it is yours when you're going at 50 down an A road that I (pedestrian) want to cross. If the pedestrian ought to acknowledge the driver at the zebra crossing, I hope that every time you drive a car past a pedestrian who wants to cross the road, you wave thank you to them for not stepping out in front of you.

ron said...

A zebra crossing gives extra right of way to pedestrians. I give time for cars to see me but once I start crossing I DO NOT expect cars to cross my path, especially when I am pushing a baby in a pushchair.

A few times this week I have been given abusive signs and language when I was half way across and cars seem to do emergency stops to 'allow me across' also.

I think that drivers are more arrogant and lack patience and self control. They should be more polite to vulnerable people including learner drivers and have more respect for people in general.

The 30mph limit is there for a reason and not for some self-righteous idiot to ignore.

ron said...

A zebra crossing gives extra right of way to pedestrians. I give time for cars to see me but once I start crossing I DO NOT expect cars to cross my path, especially when I am pushing a baby in a pushchair.

A few times this week I have been given abusive signs and language when I was half way across and cars seem to do emergency stops to 'allow me across' also.

I think that drivers are more arrogant and lack patience and self control. They should be more polite to vulnerable people including learner drivers and have more respect for people in general.

The 30mph limit is there for a reason and not for some self-righteous idiot to ignore.